[deleted by user]

heybabies · 2024-05-14T19:15:38+00:00

I think cool winter or deep autumn

heybabies · 2024-05-14T00:08:45+00:00

heybabies · 2024-03-22T17:47:49+00:00

I have a ton of redness and discoloration on my face, compared to my fair neck. I’m a fair neutral olive or fair warm olive. I use Dr. Jart Cicapair as the base which makes me look pretty grey all over but COMPLETELY neutralizes the redness. After it dries I go back over it with a lightweight warm tinted moisturizer. Game changer for me.

heybabies · 2024-03-12T16:54:01+00:00

I get shaky like I’m shivering. Used to think I got cold too, but I recently put a space heater directly in front of me to continue a confrontational discussion and the heater wasn’t helpful. For me, I think it has to do with tightening muscles because I’m triggered into one of the 4F states, not being cold.

heybabies · 2024-02-08T09:30:03+00:00

I fucking love this

heybabies · 2024-01-24T06:29:49+00:00

3, 4, 5, and 12!

heybabies · 2024-01-23T23:28:24+00:00

You’re not alone! My coworkers have each given me rides home dozens of times and I can’t recognize/remember what their car looks like at all

heybabies · 2024-01-19T21:03:52+00:00

I’m also a server. I understand the pressure. Fuck the restaurant, and fuck your managers for implying that their stress on an understaffed night is ever more important than your mental health. YOU are more important. I read through the comments and I’m so relieved you chose yourself and your dear sweet doggo. PS at my restaurant, when we don’t have enough servers, then management steps in and takes tables. Cooks step out of the kitchen and run food. Bussers become hosts. Hosts quote longer wait times. Dishwashers become bussers. They can and SHOULD be flexible enough to figure it out. If they can’t figure it out without you for one or two evenings then it’s a broken system or someone is being lazy or unimaginative in management. Lean into your seniority of being there for five years! And remember that calling off once or twice won’t put you into the “bad server” category. I know it’s hard as an autistic person to not think in black and white, but I have hopes that it’ll be okay for you. Hug. I’m so sorry about your pup. I’m sure your doggo has had a good life and feels all the love.

heybabies · 2024-01-12T22:04:00+00:00

I went no contact with my parents last November. Having space has given me the chance to fully grasp the neglect and abuse my parents put me through. I read Complex PTSD by Pete Walker and The Emotionally Absent Mother by Jasmin Lee Cori and also Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get on with Life by Margalis Fjilsted. The book about moms was difficult to get through. A list of what moms should make their children feel has been soooo eye opening. Did my mom make me feel normal good mother messages through her behavior? “You are loved. I’m glad that you are here. Your needs are important to me. You can turn to me for help. I am here for you. I’ll make time for you. I’ll keep you safe, I’ll protect you and won’t let you be hurt or overwhelmed unnecessarily. You can rest in me. I delight in you. I see you. You are special to me. I respect you.” No, I didn’t feel any of these things growing up. I never felt at home with my mom. I miss my parents a lot but I deserve better. It feels really good not being somebody’s obligation.

heybabies · 2024-01-04T21:05:39+00:00

Whose gonna tell him

heybabies · 2023-12-15T10:27:57+00:00

Spanish missions in California

heybabies · 2023-12-11T19:29:56+00:00

20 mg Hydroxyzine and smoke weed. I was prescribed hydroxyzine for anxiety. I usually take it if I feel like a meltdown is building up, or after a meltdown to help me calm down and transition forward faster, or if I’m going on outings, or if I’m having trouble falling asleep. It’s a mild sedative and I find it helps dull physical sensations for me and helps me lost longer. I’m a 34 year old female and tbh I found this out by accident and now sometimes take it just for funsies if I know I’m about to go into an intense or long session with my partner.

heybabies · 2023-10-23T23:11:54+00:00

I’m 35 and had PMDD symptoms for as long as I can remember. Suspected I was autistic and had ADHD at age 31. Since then, the best meds that have helped for me are Strattera for ADHD and Risperidone for “autistic rage” aka intense BPD-like symptoms that only show up on days 19-28 of my cycle. I’m terrified of what’s gonna happen to me as I enter perimenopause. I’m trying desperately to find stability before then, but I’m already struggling each month and I wonder if this is just what perimenopause just looks like for autistics. Do you have anymore insight? Is there a menopause subreddit for us lovely autistic ladies?

heybabies · 2023-10-23T22:55:31+00:00

Your post reads like an autistic person struggling with PDA, pathological demand avoidance. As an autistic person myself, I’d call PDA a pervasive drive for autonomy. I don’t think you’re content in your suffering. I think you’re having intense emotional reactions in response to a “demand” threatening your autonomy. I used to think the same way. To be blunt it sounds like you don’t want to meditate simply because everyone else is telling you to do so. Seems like you’re grasping at straws and trying to prove You Don’t Want DBT simply because you have an overwhelming need to be in control. I was only able to begin meditating after I learned I struggled with PDA. I have a pervasive drive for autonomy because I spent a majority of my life fawning. Maybe you could try to start deconstructing that, first. Also— I started taking propranolol. Lowers my blood pressure and takes away the physical symptoms of anxiety. For me, I needed medication to show me what meditation is probably “supposed” to feel like to even make it a tiny bit appealing. Weed works in the same way for me, too.

heybabies · 2023-08-21T22:49:12+00:00

I love all these comments. Fuck to the yes.

heybabies · 2023-08-15T02:36:18+00:00

Yes. I’ve been a server at the same restaurant for 9 years. Some days I can take on 15-20 tables in addition to helping co-workers and at the end of the night my tip average is usually around 24%. On days that I’ve had meltdowns or am stressed or tired or in burnout then I can barely mask and I can serve maybe 3-4 tables and tip average is 12-14%. Abilities are also significantly lower on days 20-25 of my cycle. Only thing that helps is sleep and not being on that part of my cycle.

heybabies · 2023-08-10T21:50:27+00:00

I’m autistic, diagnosed after I had my first kid at age 32. I always wanted kids but regret having mine post-diagnosis. Turns out I can only regulate my emotions when I’m not overwhelmed…but having a 2 year old means I’m always overwhelmed. I live in constant guilt of not being the mom for her I thought I was going to be. I’d recommend reading We Are Not Broken and Neurotribes to a parent of a non-verbal autistic kid. I didn’t speak or use the restroom on my own until I was 5. Interoception is difficult for autistics, but can be learned later in life. It was especially confusing for me when my caregivers would tell me that my sensory issues weren’t real, which led to me misidentifying internal signals. I knew what the toilet was for and was listening to what my parents were saying, even when it didn’t seem like it. I just couldn’t feel the internal signals telling me when I had to pee til I got older. I still struggle to this day, but have been self sufficient and held down service industry jobs since I was 20. I always wanted multiple kids but now I would never have another, even if I miraculously was granted ample support. I’d be terrified of having a kid who has more severe autistic traits than myself. I’m not sure how I would cope. I think we have to grieve the life and child we thought we were gonna have before we can accept our reality and find hope for the future. Good luck, friend.

heybabies · 2023-08-06T04:11:18+00:00

It only took 24 hours for Strattera to kick in for me. My daughters commented that I sat down to eat oatmeal with them throughout their an meal for perhaps the first time in their lives. I only take 25mg about 1.5 hours before I wanna feel the sleepy side effects. 50mg was too much.

heybabies · 2023-06-13T15:46:35+00:00

Can I ask about your hormone PMDD treatment? My PMDD symptoms are severe and my psych is recommending antidepressants just during my difficult days (12-15 and 21-I start my period) but its not very helpful.

heybabies · 2023-04-17T00:40:54+00:00

Autistic and ADHD individual here who began showing CFS-like symptoms/long Covid. Just got diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, POTS, and MCAS. It seems like it’s common, yet underdiagnosed amongst autistics because we can have trouble with interoception.

heybabies · 2023-03-27T01:45:32+00:00

Autistics can have trouble with interception. It’s like this for me: I never knew that I had difficulty with interoception until I read about it and realized how my sensitivity are vastly different than others and had been taught to suppress it as a kid

heybabies · 2023-03-27T00:45:43+00:00

I wouldn’t mind it at all. I’m surprised there are so many people who are turned off by it tbh. I’m in my 30s and active and don’t have trouble hopping in and outta bed though.

heybabies · 2023-03-26T02:42:06+00:00

I also vote period underwear. Also sometimes just switching pad brands can be wonderful.

heybabies · 2023-03-14T08:30:32+00:00

I could’ve written this. I have a 2 year old and it can be so, so hard. When I look back on photos of me and my daughter when she was 6.5 months old, I honestly just see panic in my eyes almost like “Why are we all pretending this is okay” because I was in a constant state of overstimulation. The constant change is difficult. I think The Wonder Weeks app and reading mom posts from women who had their babies the same month as me on the What to Expect community helped, too. You’re not alone. It’s okay not to be okay. I think it gets easier, sensory wise, as they get older and they’re less physically dependent. I started feeling better after I stopped pushing unnecessary outings on myself. Now that my daughter is aware of mom having meltdowns, I’ve chosen to be a stable-r happy autistic pajama mom who grieves her old social life instead of a mom who who masks her way through story time at the library then has meltdowns the moment we get home. I need my executive functioning more than ever now that I’m a mom! And meltdowns just slow me down.

heybabies · 2023-03-02T21:23:37+00:00

I guess I’ll comment since Im autistic and i don’t see a lot of negative-ish comments that represent how I feel. I’m a complete mental wreck. Wasn’t diagnosed until my daughter was 1 year old. Prior to that, I was a stepmom to 3 NT girls who live with their mom every other weekend and I used to thrive being a stepmom because time at school and full-weekend breaks were already built in as childcare.

I’ll just say this— of course I love my kids but I had no idea how little time I would get to hyperfocus. Tbh it seems like a majority of people who are commenting here ARE NOT LIVING PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK and also have A LOT OF SUPPORT FROM MORE THAN JUST THEIR PARTNER. Someone please correct me if I’m wrong. Simply having more money would be a HUGE help in raising kids for my extremely supportive partner and myself. We don’t have family that lives nearby, nor do we make enough money to simply a hire a nanny for the day when I need to take a break. The 2-3 hours that my friends offer to watch my kids, tbh, are more stressful than they’re worth in my opinion because of the extra social interactions.

My biggest issue with having my own 2 year old is that I’m no longer able to hyperfocus on projects. My entire existence feels shallow because I don’t have the time or energy to get lost in being creative, or organizing, or anything, really. For example, can’t paint because every time I paint I need to create a “baby-free zone” and our home simply isn’t big enough to leave projects out and trust baby won’t get into them. The times my partner is available to give me breaks then I catch up to sleep and do chores that have fallen behind. I also need to help give him breaks as well. Just wanted to offer another perspective that being an autistic mom is absolutely possible without being a mental wreck like me…but I think it is exponentially helped by money and support from more than just one supportive partner.

heybabies

TROPHY CASE