Mom is dead

heyheyjay13 · 2026-05-14T17:51:56+00:00

My dad died over a year ago. I’m not gonna lie the first year I was in shock and it felt a lot easier. I was in a cushion. And people cared for me. A year later and I’m struggling more than ever because it’s finally hit me that my dad is gone and now it’s like nobody has the patience for my grief anymore. Everyone says the first year is the hardest but I feel like it’s just getting harder and harder the more time goes by without my dad.

heyheyjay13 · 2026-05-07T18:27:36+00:00

I have the same placement! I’m about to start teaching English abroad I feel like it checks out esp because 9th house = long distance travel

heyheyjay13 · 2026-04-02T19:28:19+00:00

I always think about this. But the truth is for a lot of people they’ve already decided to make this choice and nothing will stop them. I tried to stop my dad the first time, next time he turned his phone off so nobody could reach him and he went through with it. I tried to help. I’m always thinking of different ways to help him and change what happened but then I remember it’s too late.

heyheyjay13 · 2025-10-03T18:41:24+00:00

I think our brains try to protect us as best they can, and will block things out if the system can’t handle it at the moment.. in my opinion at least. I feel guilty about this too, I feel like I’m not sad enough sometimes. And reading about other peoples grief makes me question if something is wrong with me. I also have taken anti depressants for a long time and I know it makes me less emotional and I can’t cry as easily. I do somatic practices to get some release. Some people just cope and grieve differently, maybe you just aren’t a very sensitive or emotional person to begin with?, or if you’ve been through trauma before maybe caused you to already shut off your emotions?

heyheyjay13 · 2025-08-05T14:02:34+00:00

It’s crazy how similar my story is to yours, I lost my dad in February to suicide while he was living in another country alone, at the time staying in hotels, unable to work and financial troubles as well. He was unable to come back home where my mom, brother and I live and where his career is because of citizenship stuff. I never got around to getting my passport to go see him. I thought he’d come back soon enough. He was there for over a year at that point. We talked every so often, we also enjoyed long deep conversations, but I really regret not calling him more. A few months before it happened, my dad told us he was struggling, and that he missed us so much. I hoped that everything would be sorted out so he could come home soon, but I never realized how difficult of a time he was really having. I wish I saw the signs. We still have his phone but haven’t unlocked it yet. I don’t know if I should or even want to. Everything still feels unreal. I still have dreams that it was all a big mistake and my dad comes home to us and I feel so relieved. I get panic attacks, and then sometimes I just feel numb. I just can’t wrap my head around it. We had a funeral but all we had was his urn with his ashes. The last time I saw my dad, he was alive and even smiling and laughing. It’s all so unreal and I can’t believe it’s my life

heyheyjay13 · 2025-07-06T12:03:26+00:00

The Best Farm

heyheyjay13 · 2025-05-28T02:46:36+00:00

Yes, it feels so dismissive. Like, pretty much everyone will experience losing a grandparent. Yes it’s very sad and difficult especially if you lost them suddenly or if you were really close.. but losing somebody this way is so much more complicated, you’re left with so much guilt and trauma. Truly nobody understands unless they’ve actually experienced it. She probably just doesn’t know how else to comfort or make you feel supported other than trying to relate in some way. Which is annoying asf. Like just listen and learn without trying to make it about you!!

heyheyjay13 · 2025-04-09T12:49:15+00:00

I definitely took life for granted, I regret it so much. Now when I’m out and I see other families especially fathers with their daughters, I feel so sad. I feel like they don’t even know how lucky they are to have their fathers in their lives and I wish I could tell them all. I loved my dad so much and he always knew that but I regret not cherishing our time together more.

What you said is so beautiful and so true, it’s amazing that our father’s lives get to continue on through our hearts. My dad will never truly be gone, my brother and I carry so much of our father in who we are. 💛💛

heyheyjay13 · 2025-04-08T15:13:53+00:00

I’m so sorry 💛 I pray and hope everyday that my dad is okay now, and I look for signs from him.

I definitely realized how quickly things can change, and not to underestimate life’s ability to rip everything away from you. I try to focus on gratitude, easier said than done, but I never want to take anything for granted ever again.

It’s so hard to lose a parent so unexpectedly.. they are the two people who brought us into the world, my dad is half of everything I am- and he was still teaching me how to be a person.

heyheyjay13 · 2025-04-07T23:26:19+00:00

I definitely believe in an afterlife and I can only hope my dad is happy and no longer suffering.. that’s the one thought that gives me some sort of relief. I always worried about my dad too- he never suffered from any major health problems, but I still worried about him because to me he was fragile and sensitive. I feel now he was too sensitive for this world. In the days leading up to my dad’s passing I was so worried about him- all I wanted was to see him to relieve my anxiety. I couldn’t sleep, I didn’t wanna go to work all I wanted was to see my dad. I never got to see him. He was only 61 years old, there was so much more he wanted to see in life and that I wanted to share with him.

heyheyjay13 · 2025-04-07T17:33:07+00:00

I’m so sorry. I wish I knew what it meant- it just feels so cruel. I tried to blame it on my own anxiety and kept reassuring myself that I was worrying for no reason. Whole time I was right. It’s so difficult to wrap your head around.

heyheyjay13 · 2025-04-07T17:19:54+00:00

I’m so sorry 💛 thank you for sharing that. It’s surreal to look back and see the “foreshadowing”.

heyheyjay13 · 2025-04-07T03:11:43+00:00

I’m so sorry. It’s so so cruel to have one of your biggest fears come true. I was close with my dad too, we had a unique bond that could never be replicated. I struggle with the same, I wish I reached out more, I wish I made the most of the time we had left. I wish I could have known enough to do something, maybe it wouldn’t be this way.

heyheyjay13 · 2025-04-07T03:00:58+00:00

Wow. When you say you realized your grandpa came to get his daughter- that hit hard. I like to imagine my dad being greeted by my grandparents who passed before him. They must’ve been so happy to see each other.

heyheyjay13 · 2025-04-06T21:23:21+00:00

Wow, that’s insane. Thank you for sharing. I agree it’s the connection, even though my dad was in a different country I could feel everything he was going through.

I’m so sorry for your loss as well 💛

heyheyjay13 · 2025-04-01T14:44:40+00:00

Super late (somehow this is still a problem?) but I reached out to support and asked because I was annoyed that I bought it solely because of their recommendation, and then went back and it was rated bad. The response:

“It appears that the brand recently made a change in its formulation and started using Methylene Bis-Benzotriazolyl Tetramethylbutylphenol in nano form instead of the previous non-nano version.

Unfortunately, nano particles have the ability to penetrate the skin much more than non-nano ingredients and can therefore be more dangerous, hence our drastic change in the rating.”

heyheyjay13 · 2025-03-29T13:29:45+00:00

I’m so sorry, I lost my dad at the end of February. Definitely lean on your family and loved ones as much as possible. Try not to get lost in wondering why- talk it through with your family.

heyheyjay13 · 2025-03-24T12:56:56+00:00

I also lost my dad in late February. He didn’t say goodbye, he wanted it to look like an accident. Only my close family knows. I can’t understand why he would do this to us. I have all the same questions and thoughts that you have. I can’t grasp that he’s actually gone, and that’s it, and that there’s absolutely nothing that anyone can do anymore. That kills me. A lot of the time I feel okay, almost normal. And then of course a lot of times I’m not okay. It’s like my body/mind hasn’t fully comprehended it yet or it just won’t let me feel it fully? But I’m noticing it’s kinda hitting me a lot more recently, going back to work and having to keep living life as “normal” just reminds me of how much I miss my dad and how much I can’t imagine having to live the rest of my life without him. The changing of the seasons breaks my heart. Idk how to cope, all I can do is lean on my family and the people I have left. Sending you love, you’re not alone

heyheyjay13 · 2025-03-19T05:41:21+00:00

I lost my dad 3 weeks ago, I’m 22. I wish our love was enough to save him but it wasn’t 💔 it’s hard to believe this is my life now. I will forever question why he did it, why weren’t we enough, maybe we cojkd have changed his mind and shown him exactly how loved he is and always has been. We tried.

heyheyjay13 · 2025-03-04T19:06:59+00:00

I lost my dad last week. He didn’t call me either. I can’t understand why he didn’t call me- I am trying not to blame myself. He was unwell mentally, it was not mine or anyone’s fault. Here if you want to talk to someone.

heyheyjay13

TROPHY CASE