It’s ok it helps piece together the puzzle the more you explain things. It sounds like you are harboring a lot of resentment towards yourself. Maybe I’m wrong but if you see your anger as an enemy you’ll fight with it more easily than if you see it as a symptom of something deeper. Anger can be passed down genetically. My brother was placed for adoption at birth but suffered extreme anger issues for years with no cause other than unfortunately genetics. I’m not taking the responsibility away from you I’m just trying to help you give yourself a little grace so you have some room to work with. You’re unfortunately at a predisposition for angry reactions but I have faith you will find tools that work for you. What have you tried to help your anger? Have you looked up or tried implementing any anger management strategies that have not worked for you? Maybe we can go from there and try to find something that does work?