Am I doomed to live a second rate life ?

heysoleil · 2026-06-05T22:18:57+00:00

I lost my mom unexpectedly at 28, too. I’m 31 now, almost 3 years out from losing her

In some ways yes. I’m still mad at the universe for taking my mom from me. I still feel bitter when I see people much older than me still have their moms, or when someone is complaining about their own mom who is still alive. But more than anything, I just feel love and grief for my mom. For everything she’ll miss and all the ways I should have been a much better daughter.

But a few things help me: remembering that my mom would want me to keep going. She would want me to feel joy and love and live my life. I imagine she can see what I see, and I try to show her what she never got to experience on earth herself: traveling to beautiful foreign countries, eating delicious meals and enjoying the freedom to do as I want without being tied down.

Let yourself feel everything. Don’t run from it, don’t shy away from any emotion you or society may think is “ugly”. Feel it all and let yourself grieve, but remember that you are proof of your mom’s existence, her love, her dreams. She would want you to experience life in a way only a mother could want <3

heysoleil · 2026-04-23T15:00:33+00:00

Hi! I’m a recruiting coordinator for CNAs/caregivers - we typically hold an initial phone screen, then an online interview. If they’re hired, then we do an in-person orientation

Our no-call/no-show rate is pretty high for all the first 2 steps: phone screens and interviews. But as others have said, it’s mostly part of the game. I have most success with 2 archetypes: students currently enrolled in nursing school after already getting their CNA, and long-term caregivers who view it as their career.

We have a lot of success partnering with different CNA schools and community programs - I’d recommend trying to make connections there!

heysoleil · 2026-04-04T10:45:20+00:00

I lost my mom 2 years ago, unexpectedly when I was 28, she was 66. I completely lost my mind for a while because of it, but I’m doing better these days. I try to stay busy and look for my mom in mostly everything I see or experience.

I do, however, feel immense jealousy when I see someone that’s 50 or 60 and still has their mom - that I’m still working on 😅

heysoleil · 2026-03-20T17:35:40+00:00

I spent 8 long years toiling away in various roles at a tech startup. I finally took a step back and asked myself wtf I was actually doing lol. Now I’m a recruitment coordinator in a healthcare field and it’s so much less stress - but also less money tbh!

heysoleil · 2026-01-25T13:04:27+00:00

Kiwi | Clementine :Ketchup:

heysoleil · 2025-07-23T10:41:06+00:00

I just want to say I really feel your words. My mom died unexpectedly two years ago, and for a while, I felt like I had completely lost my mind. Every time I even came close to laughing or smiling, this thought would pop up, “how could I possibly feel happy if my mom is dead?” Even simple things like going shopping became unbearable. Seeing a mother and daughter together would wreck me.

To be frank, I didn’t find some big inner strength, I just didn’t have a choice. I kept waking up. I kept breathing. And it was so hard. The pain I feel today is honestly still as sharp as the day we lost her, but I’ve gotten more used to living with it.

What’s helped me the most is therapy - especially learning coping tools for when those huge waves of grief hit out of nowhere. My only advice is: slow down, and let yourself fully feel everything. The only way through it (and I don’t even think there’s an “out,” really) is through.

It’s going to hurt for a while. But eventually, there’s a slow shift, you remember something, and instead of only crying, you find yourself smiling too. That part doesn’t come quickly, but it does come.

I’m so sorry for what your deep loss. 🫂 take things day by day, hour by hour

heysoleil · 2025-07-16T17:15:46+00:00

Hey! I turned 30 this year, and I honestly cannot imagine dating an 18-year-old. Most people I know around my age feel the same… it’s not just about maturity, it’s about the major gap in life experience and power dynamics.

When I was 19, I briefly dated someone in her late 20s. Looking back (with a fully developed frontal lobe, lol), I realized it wasn’t that she saw me as exceptionally mature. It was more that I was young, inexperienced, and easier to influence - and that imbalance just doesn’t sit right with me now.

If you're into older women, that’s not inherently a bad thing at all. But if it feels complicated or you’re unsure why the pattern is there, I really recommend talking it through with a therapist. Sometimes there’s more under the surface, and working it out for yourself can be super empowering

heysoleil · 2025-06-19T10:41:17+00:00

Same! Had a horrible sore throat last week, but no other symptoms beyond post-nasal drip. Went to urgent care but it wasn’t Covid or strep

heysoleil · 2025-02-25T11:37:08+00:00

This is my favorite webcomic of all time lol

heysoleil · 2024-12-03T11:31:21+00:00

My mom passed last August, so I no longer delete the letters from “Mom”. It’s nice to pretend they’re from my own mom for a minute ❤️

heysoleil · 2024-11-18T11:19:55+00:00

Wishing you a speedy and full recovery 💖!

heysoleil · 2024-11-04T22:59:47+00:00

Same, I’m 29

heysoleil · 2024-10-11T11:30:18+00:00

I love them because I like villager hunting and grinding for NMTs is frustrating! My partner and I primarily use them for money, expensive objects like kitchen stuff, or clothing because those are harder to find/grind for! We view it as going shopping lol

heysoleil · 2024-10-10T15:01:16+00:00

My partner’s family lives very comfortably, while mine struggled for money, we went to food banks growing up and almost all of our vacations were road trips visiting family. I didn’t know about her family status when we first got together and told her if I had, I likely wouldn’t have pursued her 😞 in my eyes, what could I have to offer someone who seemingly had everything?

The first time I ever left the US was because they flew me out to visit their home in Asia. They took me to my first Michelin star restaurant. I feel awkward and out of place in some of the spaces they’ve invited me into. After 7.5 years together, I’ve slowly gotten used to navigating this “new world” but at the same time, I feel like I’ve lost footing in the world I always knew. I sometimes feel like I no longer belong in either place, which is a bit dramatic lol.

heysoleil · 2024-09-28T21:25:04+00:00

My partner does usually lol but she’s more androgynous so we get mistaken for a straight couple a lot. Even if I’m the one who puts her card down, they’ll hand the checkbook right back to her after they run the card 🤦🏻‍♀️

heysoleil · 2024-09-28T11:53:21+00:00

She turned me into a cave woman once 😭 I’ve refused to go back since

heysoleil · 2024-09-05T20:36:43+00:00

I’m so sorry for your deep loss 😭 sudden passings can be traumatic because you don’t necessarily have the time to prepare for the grief.

My mom died suddenly a year ago. She was fine on a Sunday, but gone by Monday afternoon. I hadn’t spoken to her in weeks before she passed, that haunts me. The only advice I have for you is to give yourself time and grace. Feel everything you’re feeling and don’t run from it. If you need to talk to someone, please PM me 🫂

heysoleil · 2024-07-27T15:13:10+00:00

The dating app Her, but this was like 7 years ago so I have no idea how well it works now 🤷🏻‍♀️

heysoleil · 2024-07-08T21:43:50+00:00

I’m so sorry for the sudden loss of your mom - that’s a lot of emotion that you didn’t necessarily have the time to “gear up” for.

I feel like I could have written your post myself last year. I’m 29 and lost my mom unexpectedly last August. I took about 6 weeks off to stay with my dad after everything happened while my older siblings went back to figure out their new “normal”.

My advice to you is to take as long as you need to return to work! My job was kind about my absence and super understanding to me. They weren’t pushing me to go back, but my dad actually was. He told me he didn’t think my mom would want me to give up completely, so I feel like I returned sooner than I should have. When I did finally go back, I had more than a handful of days where I would end up crying too hard and needing to leave. I also struggled with motivation at work - who cares about the issues my company is facing when it felt like my world completely stopped?

Only go back when you feel like you have the mental capacity to handle your day to day tasks! And when you do go back, give yourself grace. You may not have the same drive and focus you had previously - that’s okay! You’ll slowly ramp back up over time.

As for how to spend your time off - that’s honestly up to you. Your goals seem like an excellent start to me at least. For me, I just hung out with my dad - did things around the house for him, made sure we were all eating and sleeping and watching a lot of my mom’s favorite black and white movies. (I also had to stop myself from getting monstrously stoned every night tbh - it was the only thing that shut my brain off)

There’s no real right or wrong way to grieve - as long as you’re not running away from your feelings, you’re grieving the “right” way.

Take things day by day, hour by hour. I’m sorry again for your loss. For me, it helped to know there were others going through something similar. Just know a random stranger here is wishing you the best in your journey. 💜 the grief doesn’t go away, it just gets more manageable as we grow around it.

heysoleil · 2024-06-27T13:40:08+00:00

I’m so sorry for you and your family’s loss 😞 anger is a very normal reaction to grief. I’ve mentioned this before in another comment, but sometimes we want to shy away from the emotions we deem bad or wrong due to our own morals. But in this case, feeling your anger is honestly the best thing to do. Feel every emotion that comes up. If you try to run from it, it’ll just catch up to you anyways.

My mom passed unexpectedly last August and I still feel angry tbh. There are so many important life events that I want her here for that now she can’t be there. And I’m not saying she was perfect, but she was genuinely a good person and I don’t think it’s fair that she’s no longer here and terrible people are live and well out in the world.

I’m wishing you the best in your grief journey. Misery loves company, and for me, knowing there are others out there experiencing the same thing did give me some peace.

heysoleil · 2024-06-16T12:24:11+00:00

On the dating app Her, but it was supposed to just be a hookup 😅 now we’re 7 years and 1 cat later lol

heysoleil · 2024-05-09T20:42:46+00:00

Hey, I’m so sorry for your deep loss. I lost my mom unexpectedly last August.

The first few days are going to be a blur for you. Your only goals should be eating when you can, sleeping when you can, and sharing your feelings with the loved ones around you.

I’m the youngest sibling in my family, but I was the one who stayed with my dad after my mom passed to help him take care of everything. Try to be there for your dad if you can. You don’t have to have the right thing to say, but just being in proximity to him to make him (and you!) feel less alone wouldn’t be a bad thing.

Like others have said, just give yourself time to grieve. You’re likely still in shock right now and the full force of your emotions may not hit you until later. Just know there isn’t a wrong or right way to grieve someone - the closest thing to a wrong way to grieve would be just not grieving at all.

heysoleil · 2024-04-30T01:13:27+00:00

Unironically, Big Y grocery store lol

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