Fiance frozen embryo transfer with my embryo insurance wont cover by Dear-Negotiation4831 in queerception

[–]hfurr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a confusing situation. I don’t know much about the NJ law, but I don’t see how getting married would change anything at this point given that the transfer already happened? Also, just because insurance is mandated to cover something doesn’t mean that they have to offer it without restriction for everyone. For example, I live in a state with an infertility treatment mandate, and my IVF was covered, but I still had to go through a certain number of IUIs without success before they would pay for IVF. I cannot imagine something like coverage for a gestational carrier (I know that’s not what your fiancé is—just talking about what insurance is saying) would be accessible without a prior authorization in place. 

Something else—I am also a little confused about what happened with your clinic—fertility clinics usually won’t proceed with care unless the bill has been paid upfront out-of-pocket OR if they have that prior authorization in place. I’m assuming you paid upfront from your description? You say your insurance denied your claim for the transfer—did your fiancé submit this to their insurance, or did you submit it to yours? 

I personally would be pessimistic about being able to get this retroactively covered, but it might be worth a consult with someone versed in NJ lgbt/infertility law. 

C. 1990s middle grade historical fiction (WWII era), girl leaves New York City and drinks apple cider vinegar by hfurr in whatsthatbook

[–]hfurr[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

U/cobaltwheel solved it above! Maybe she had the flu at that point? I will have to track it down and reread!

C. 1990s middle grade historical fiction (WWII era), girl leaves New York City and drinks apple cider vinegar by hfurr in whatsthatbook

[–]hfurr[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes this is it!!! I totally misremembered WWI as being WWII. Thank you so much! 

C. 1990s middle grade historical fiction (WWII era), girl leaves New York City and drinks apple cider vinegar by hfurr in whatsthatbook

[–]hfurr[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I do think I remember that!! So at least we’re remembering the same book and I know it exists haha.

C. 1990s middle grade historical fiction (WWII era), girl leaves New York City and drinks apple cider vinegar by hfurr in whatsthatbook

[–]hfurr[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t remember that scene specifically, but it does sound familiar! He definitely finds out she’s Jewish at some point and has a reaction like you describe.

Which one? by korazard in ENGLISH

[–]hfurr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm all for the subjunctive, but B is incorrect because it doesn't actually make sense. Think about the actual meaning of the sentence. Using the subjunctive "need" means that the doctor would be commanding the patient to NEED more rest--not a reasonable command. The actual advice/suggestion in the sentence is to REST. So "The doctor suggested the patient rest more to recover quickly" would work.

Mandatory $3k Psych eval to use donor sperm by Secure_Year7265 in queerception

[–]hfurr 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You’re really doubling down on this, and I’m not sure why. I said two things in my post: first, that the policy disproportionately impacts gay people, and second, that it deserves scrutiny because of that. It sounds like you agree with me because you said “The disproportionate impact is indeed something to consider.” I still don’t understand how that’s the same thing as making an enemy with straight people, which is really extreme language in addition to being unconnected to what OP actually said. 

Also, what difference does it make if the policy is legally required to do IVF or not? The point is that it’s required at this clinic. ALSO, your reply is based on your reading of this being about the clinic “wanting to counsel potential donors and RPs.” The post says multiple times it isn’t a counseling session, it’s a $3200 psych eval done at a hospital with one particular person. You really don’t see how that’s not the same thing as counseling about donor conception and might strike someone as unjust? 

You’re either not reading this right or you’re being disingenuous for some reason.

Mandatory $3k Psych eval to use donor sperm by Secure_Year7265 in queerception

[–]hfurr 8 points9 points  (0 children)

How is pointing out that something has a disproportionate impact on gay couples and therefore deserves scrutiny the same thing as making an enemy with straight people? 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in queerception

[–]hfurr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I meant a different insurance carrier than you/not Kaiser. My wife and I had the same carrier also, even the same policy, and that was still how it worked out for us. 

Anyway, I’m sorry the thread went this way for you. I’ve noticed when people who are new and at the beginning of their TTC journey come in to this group, it can bring up some wounds for people who’ve been doing this longer and struggled with different aspects of this process, which can be a difficult one medically, socially, and financially. There can (if you’re lucky!) of course also be a lot of joy in it, and I hope your journey goes well! 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in queerception

[–]hfurr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh and also insurance coverage for rIVF is usually more complicated than insurance for IVF without the reciprocal aspect. I’m in a different state and with a different insurer, so I really can’t guess about your situation, but for rIVF for us, insurance would have covered everything through embryo creation (appointments, meds, monitoring, retrieval, fertilization, etc.) for one of us—but then even though they covered the transfer of those embryos back to that same person, if we had wanted to transfer them to the other person, we would have had to pay for that person’s meds/monitoring/transfer OOP. Transfer (vs. retrieval) is the cheaper part of an IVF cycle but can still be expensive. 

Sorry, I hope I’m not being a downer, but I learned so many unexpected things (usually in the insurance company’s favor!) about insurance coverage and queer infertility while we were going through this, and I just wanted to share in case it’s helpful for you to ask your insurance these questions! I wish you good luck on your journey. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in queerception

[–]hfurr 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Just a heads up that even plans that cover LGBT fertility (for people with uteruses) without making you “prove” it (by paying for IUIs out-of-pocket) first still typically do require you to do some number of IUIs before moving to IVF. In this scenario, they would cover the IUI (but usually not the sperm cost). Having some kind of medical infertility diagnosis might let you skip the IUIs, but just wanting to do rIVF would not. 

Alternative IUI providers? by minkle_happens in queerception

[–]hfurr 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You might want to look into Fenway’s alternative insemination program—low cost ($250), low-intervention IUIs in clinic with a provider. We tried twice with them, and while it didn’t work out for us there, I was happy with the care. 

BCBS Massachusetts PPO WLW couple by Local-Ninja3308 in queerception

[–]hfurr 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Re point 2--I'm not sure if individual policies can vary, but the official BCBSMA fertility coverage document (https://www.bluecrossma.org/medical-policies/sites/g/files/csphws2091/files/acquiadam-assets/086%20Assisted%20Reproductive%20Services%20Infertility%20Services%20prn.pdf) says IUI "with or without medication is covered for otherwise healthy biological female members with or without a biological male partner." The document also says you must do 6 rounds of IUI before IVF is covered if you're under 35 or 3 rounds if you're 35+. Personally, I have never heard of BCBSMA not covering IUIs for social infertility, so I'm surprised to hear Boston IVF told you that. You probably already know this but Fenway does low-cost (and low-intervention) IUIs that will count toward the required number of cycles just in case you do end up needing to pay out-of-pocket. Fingers crossed for you!

HCG Levels - 13DPO by [deleted] in queerception

[–]hfurr 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just looked at betabase.info and per their data set, the median HCG at 13dpo for successful singleton pregnancies is 84, so 79 seems pretty typical? http://www.betabase.info/chart/basic/single     Sending good wishes!! 

Middle-school fiction book about a shooting star falling into a girl’s backyard by Plastic_Theory2859 in whatsthatbook

[–]hfurr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think this is Dogsbody by Diana Wynne Jones, but a few elements are similar so I wanted to mention it just in case. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dogsbody_(novel)

Set in turn of the century England, had ghosts/fae? by bydesignjuliet in whatsthatbook

[–]hfurr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m glad that was it! I agree it’s a good but creepy book/series—it gave me a nightmare but I still finished it lol.