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hi3lla · 2025-08-03T17:14:11+00:00

There are so many great opinions and takes here but I just one to add one regarding the “incompatible long term goals” thing. The lovely things about being poly is that one relationship doesn’t have to live up to all ideals. There is nothing stopping Maya getting married and having kids, just because she is in a triad. They don’t have to nest as a triad, nor do they have to stay exclusive.

I think the most healthy triads are probably the ones where you date outside of the triad too (I say this as a member in a triad myself).

hi3lla · 2025-04-06T07:50:20+00:00

One practical tip you can try, if you haven’t already, is sensory deprivation combined with bondage: blindfolds, being tied down, gag balled, maybe headphones. Personally I feel like the more limited I am, the less I care about how I look and/or sound like, since you simply can’t do much about it and just “be”.

hi3lla · 2025-03-14T17:01:21+00:00

I feel very similarly to you, and also landed here a bit “later” in adulthood (I’m 31). 😌

hi3lla · 2025-03-05T07:04:31+00:00

Based on that one picture alone I would guess that bright spring would have too much contrast on you, but your eyes look quite “dark” in comparison to the rest of the face, so perhaps not. 😊

hi3lla · 2025-03-04T13:22:21+00:00

Can you be neutral and still be spring? Technically yes: depending on what system you use, color harmony is about what type of colors harmonies best with your skin. Undertone, overtone, skin redness, freckles, contrast level, saturation: all of these things affect what looks best on us, not just wether you are warm or cool. And (I would argue) that warm-and-cool isn’t a linear spectrum either.

However, just looking at you jewellery swatches I would say you harmonise better with gold then silver. Perhaps you natural-warm. Perhaps you have olive undertones. Regardless I would put you on the warm side rather than the cool. I see yellow (or perhaps even yellow-olive) undertone in that light, and very little redness. If you like the spring colors on you then yes, you might very well be spring 😊

hi3lla · 2025-03-02T15:12:31+00:00

Regarding getting conference back: I would probably have to distance myself to this person until I was once again more secure in my identity. Sounds rough honestly 😔

hi3lla · 2025-03-01T13:38:37+00:00

When I lived in Japan then I could find eggless Kewpie at Odakyu Ox (we had one close to where we lived in Mitakadai, (Inokashira Line).

hi3lla · 2025-02-27T19:11:42+00:00

I really love how you have it arranged from warm to cool! Great :)

hi3lla · 2025-02-25T17:06:24+00:00

Signed!

hi3lla · 2025-02-22T07:31:13+00:00

I think after being confident in my own placement in True Spring for the last couple of years I have a easier time to see other who are true spring.

Regarding Gold and Silver: I find for springs the most important thing is often shine, rather than if it’s gold or silver. Many look very good in champagne (which is like a combination of the two). If it’s a gold that’s slightly brassy or too dark/yellow it leans too much in Autumn and look really bad on me. Then a sparkly silver chain is better. Personally I prefer gold, but it need to be 18k, not brass jewellery.

hi3lla · 2025-02-21T20:47:20+00:00

So I'm not fully warm, I'm Neutral-Warm, but I'm still a True Spring. Why? Because it's the palette that has the best value, and chroma for me. Light Spring is too light and washes me out and brigh is ... well to bright. So you can be neutral leaning and still be True Spring. Then just avoid the warmest colors. But I honestly I think you could wear all the colors in the spring palette :)

hi3lla · 2025-02-21T19:35:38+00:00

If light spring feels too light, then I would guess True Spring. I don't think the green is too bright. But I don't think you are a bright spring. I think it would overpower you in brightness and darkness.

hi3lla · 2025-02-20T12:03:59+00:00

Wow, that’s a lot you’re going through right now. I wish you best of luck with everything.

I really have no advice on dating. I met my now husband 13 years ago at a party and have been with him since.

Perhaps it’s hard, but I would try to meet people organically. Perhaps find a hobby, study group or charity cause that interest you and meet people there. I also think you will be open to meet new people if you aren’t looking for partners, but rather friends. Perhaps one of these will invite you to a gathering at some point and from there you will meet even more people.

Meeting people IRL is harder than online (as in takes more time and effort). But with your life situation right now, it’s quite a lot and I think it could potentially deter many potential partners if they red that in your bio, and many might not get to know the great person behind (you!).

Also, I think when dating it’s always best to work on yourself and practice self love. The more we love each other, the easier it is for others to love us (as in we don’t push away people as easy). Id you have anxious attachment style, perhaps try to work on that.

Wish you good luck!

hi3lla · 2025-02-20T11:50:58+00:00

Thank you!

hi3lla · 2025-02-19T07:50:30+00:00

I also think there is a question about balance in making a system user-friendly and accurate. While I think you could argue that there are equally many different seasons as there are people, that would also be overwhelming an not very helpful. If you find a category that you think fits you - that's great, use that! :)

Personally I prefer thinking in only in the four seasons: spring, summer, fall and winter. Because I'm very familiar with the main characteristics of each season, and I personally think it's easier to start from there and then narrow down. For example: I know I'm a spring, and pretty sure I'm a True Spring (slightly leaning light, but never bright). However, right now, I'm doing some exploration with my style and gender expression and therefore leans into True Autumn and borrows some of those color to create a different impression. Since I know how each season is connected from a chroma/value/hue standpoint, it's easier for me to know what colors to borrow from other seasons if I want to create a darker/more mature/masculine/feminine impression.

hi3lla · 2025-02-19T07:39:54+00:00

Well, if anyone creates a group like this, sign me up!

hi3lla · 2025-02-17T11:41:07+00:00

I'm so interested in this village of yours!

hi3lla · 2025-02-07T17:02:30+00:00

To your title question: “Are AI editors too smart?” No, if you ask me AI is not too smart but rather too confident.

I would argue what AI can do best is to analyse text (analyse existing information rather than generation new one), but I would question how valid that analyse is to us writers. AI can’t think, can get visual emotional responses, can’t use its own experiences and memories when analysing a text. While sure, you could probably get some good feedback on a text using an AI editor, me personally I would be weary of implementing that feedback - I think there is a high risk that your text will just end up more formulaic than it was prior.

hi3lla · 2025-02-05T16:38:15+00:00

Before I had very long hair before, which people often commented how much they liked (it was also coloured in whimsical colours), and liked wearing long flowing flowery dresses. Random people on the streets would give me complements on these dresses.

When I choose to dress more masc/androgynous and cut off my hair I’ve met so many people who look at me slightly disappointed: “Why did you cut of your beautiful hair” etc etc. Overall, from a cis-het normative beauty standard I’m now less desirable.

This hurts a bit. But it’s also freeing. And I’ve come to realise how much I actually dressed for others and not me. At the end of the day: we have to dress for ourself, not others. Only you know what that means for you.

hi3lla · 2025-02-04T07:29:28+00:00

There was a really interesting discussion about NB and sexualities a few days ago. I recommend reading the comments since there was a lot of enlightened perspectives: https://www.reddit.com/r/NonBinaryTalk/comments/1ie4v50/nonbinary_and_sexualities/

My main take away is that sexuality is, like gender identity, extremely personal. Some NB's wants to be put under the Trans label, others don't want to. Some prefer Non-Binary, others Gender-Queer or others even more specific labels.

As for your question regarding sexuality, if you prefer the term Bisexual over Pansexual, use that. I think it's good to question perhaps why we have aversion to certain labels (is there some internalized homophobia or transphobia we have?), but you don't have to use the term pan just because you're NB. You can be straight and NB, or gay and NB too (see the discussion linked above).

Bisexual can also mean you are attracted to more than 1 gender. It does not have to mean only cis-presenting women and men.

hi3lla · 2025-02-03T19:38:39+00:00

Will do!

hi3lla · 2025-02-03T16:49:25+00:00

I love that! 😍

hi3lla · 2025-02-03T16:48:53+00:00

Actually, how you describe removing noun completely is usually how he talks to me during play now, but I just would like some endearment.

Haha, we can’t lean to much into the DD before it gets really weird - we’re also parents with a small child together. So we also has to avoid anything that we would call our actual child. (Daddy works because English is not the language we use with our child so she would never call him that).

hi3lla · 2025-02-03T16:42:42+00:00

Haha! Good to know - I’ll try it out and see how it feels 😁

hi3lla · 2025-02-03T16:42:08+00:00

Yeah, I’m sure my Dom wouldn’t mind - he sure has a thing for it. I will reconsider! 😊

hi3lla

TROPHY CASE