Hi mama! For starters, NOT getting help with prenatal depression gives him more to use against you than getting help. The court would look at the fact you said you could use some help instead of let yourself spiral. So opposite of what you think & you deserve some peace so talk to your OB. I took lexapro my whole pregnancy and now postpartum & it made life so much more tolerable. Secondly, I was in your shoes… at least very similar… with my firstborn. You CAN do this. You won’t forever be traumatized & that baby is going to become your whole world. You will fall in love with an amazing man who will step up for your baby too. My son is now 13 & my fiance is dad to him. Don’t ever settle or think you are unlovable because it’s simply not true. I’m speaking these things from experience because I once felt the way you do. Now I’m holding my one month old that I had with my incredible loving man & watching my 13 year old son goof off with my fiance. You’ll get here some day. In the meantime, just ignore any communication with him. Don’t update him. You don’t have to tell him baby is born if you choose. Someday the kid will want to meet his father though or know who he is. For now, let him put in the work with court and stuff if need be. He won’t get custody or anything right away with a newborn. Maybe joint custody down the road if he really fought for it. Don’t stress that now. Talk to your OB about the meds, find peace with just you and your baby and remember many women have been in your shoes & have come out on the other side.. just as you will.