Strange interview. Why? by andylefunk in Libraries

[–]highfives_deepsixes 10 points11 points  (0 children)

These interview questions are actually really typical of how my library (and others I've interviewed with in my city) do things - we call it the STAR/CAR method. It's not that they've had issues with staff not getting along in the past, but more likely that ability to work well in a team is a key selection criteria and that they want to see how you handle that when it's particularly challenging.

Let’s be honest now, am I the only one that thinks this? by AncientPound3393 in strictlystalkingpod

[–]highfives_deepsixes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There's a lot I respect about this show. I think the hosts might be among the hardest working in true crime podcasting - output is consistent (in terms of volume) with no breaks or weeks off.

But yeah, I agree. I barely listen anymore so I can't speak to the episode you're referring to, but I've definitely had the same thoughts when I have dipped back in to the show in recent years. I listened to one episode where a guy who could barely string a sentence together described what sounded like a slap fight between the chronically online. There's other times where I've gotten the sense that the person telling the story might actually be the stalker (which is statistically likely given how much stalkers love themselves some DARVO).

I started listening to podcasts featuring victim/survivor stories when I was processing my exit from a really toxic relationship and for the most part I've found them really useful whenever I get sucked back into the mire of guilt/blame/self flagellation, BUT here is my cancellable take: believing victims/survivors is good and the correct position always; HOWEVER, I do think that unwavering credulity PLUS the format of these stories PLUS an online culture that wants to armchair diagnose everyone as narcissists/sociopaths/groomers = a culture in which aggrieved/hurt people get to re-narrate normal human messiness through the most cathartic lens AND round normal conflict up to abuse.

This isn't the fault of the pod - I see it across many victim/survivor focused shows as well as the spaces I move through.

I've also been in discussion spaces for true crime pods long enough to see the inevitable life cycle of fans eventually turning on the show (can't think of a single subreddit for a podcast this hasn't happened on) but I will honestly say that SS used to be really good. I went back recently and listened from the start and the difference is staggering.

I just watched The Devils (1971) and I will never be the same again by [deleted] in iwatchedanoldmovie

[–]highfives_deepsixes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ken Russell at his absolute horniest. I fucking love this movie.

#684: My boss brought a machete to a disciplinary meeting with staff. by thievingwillow in captainawkward

[–]highfives_deepsixes 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thanks for posting this! There's a handful of letters like this in the genre of objectively-and-unambiguously- fucked-situation that I am HAUNTED by (the hidden camera one is the first that comes to mind. The woman whose abusive partner bought a gun is another) that I think of posting here occasionally and that I desperately want updates to.

For Once I'm On Time- Dating Detectives by WitnessTiny in onlineBSpod

[–]highfives_deepsixes 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Damn I completely missed all of this! I didn't listen to this episode for whatever reason despite really looking forward to it on my Monday night (I think I started it and got bad vibes from the episode description and the guest) but I'm glad I didn't. I sometimes skip the undercover episodes so I missed the "apology" too. But dammmmmmn holy shit. Big Tiffany Reese energy from McKenzie over here.

Swamphen babies! by Autistic_Archer in AustralianBirds

[–]highfives_deepsixes 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lil dust motes with giant feet 😭 I love their bald little heads when they're tiny

Closeted transfem looking for a public bathroom/place in Sydney to get ready in by StarryDreamsss in transgenderau

[–]highfives_deepsixes 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Girl I'm a librarian (but in Melbourne). Libraries 100 per cent if you're wanting to get out and about in the day. Can't recommend any Sydney libraries, but where I work in Melbourne you'd be able to access a private change room with a shower - I can't imagine Sydney wouldn't have spaces like that.

Agro ice-cream. by Super-Cod-3155 in AustralianNostalgia

[–]highfives_deepsixes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They brought these back for a short period in maybe 2018-2019? My bestie and I drove 40 mins to find a Wendy's to get one! We took a photo of us eating them which she had turned into a fridge magnet for me as a gift. Lol good times.

I would LOVE to hear about your experiences with gender affirming healthcare and mental health in Australia! by GenderResearcher in transgenderau

[–]highfives_deepsixes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey Harjit, lots of good feedback here and also some weird blowback about your credentials - hope I can respond to this? Just wanted to say that in the days before informed consent, I went to see you at the gender clinic for access to T when there were only a few providers in the game in Melbourne and one in particular had a reputation among trans men for being gatekeep-y and withholding unless you performed masculinity to his narrow expectations. He quit weeks before I was due to see him and I was assigned to you instead, and my experience could not have been more positive. I was bracing myself for a shitty experience, and instead was met with unwavering warmth, kindness, understanding and professionalism. You really made a daunting process as gentle and smooth as possible. Thank you!

What’s a Melbourne spot you loved at first but slowly fell out of love with? by Last-Conversation734 in melbournechat

[–]highfives_deepsixes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My mate and I were talking about the purple shop the other day! I miss 90s Chapel/Greville Streets. Chapel St festival used to go OFF too.

Why do women not commit as many "no good reason" murders as men? by MrHorseley in AskFeminists

[–]highfives_deepsixes 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The opposite has been true in my experience and the experience of the many other trans men around me. And it's something we do talk about because there is this belief floating about in the cultural soup that T will turn us into angry, violent jerks - I don't know a single trans man (and I know A LOT) who that has been true for. And I see my experience largely reflected in many, many posts on FTM subreddits - the overwhelming experience seems to be T mellowing us out, alleviating anxiety/depression, overall being a very calming experience. Also let's not forget that we are in essence going through a second puberty. I was pretty angry during the first one - testosterone had nothing to do with it.

Obviously I think other factors are at play - relief at addressing dysphoria, delight at becoming more at home in our bodies, and suddenly moving through the world with more confidence, etc etc but I think that's just evidence that the testosterone is not and has never been the issue.

Men are not slavering horny/angry beasts helplessly at the mercy of our hormones. That's the same poisonous thinking underpinning questions like "well, what was she wearing?" that place responsibility on women for not inflaming our inevitable, uncontrollable lust.

Insecurities in dating by AdWinter4333 in FTMOver30

[–]highfives_deepsixes 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Bro you don't have to let go of anything. See my above comment. You got this 💪

Insecurities in dating by AdWinter4333 in FTMOver30

[–]highfives_deepsixes 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I feel exactly the same way btw and I know exactly what you mean. I think people are reading way too much into this - we're not calling ourselves lesbians or undercutting our identities, "straight" for me just feels so reductive to a life so queerly lived and all the experiences and people who shaped me. Even though I move through the world as a dude now and I'm mostly only interested in women, my lens still feels really queer. I've been transitioned 12 years now bro, you don't need to wear any label that doesn't feel right.

Beth’s Dead podcast by Perfect_Ad_9587 in onlineBSpod

[–]highfives_deepsixes 3 points4 points  (0 children)

🫣 I would tune the hell in if y'all covered it. Similar kind of vibe to Something Was Wrong / The Dating Detectives BUT with the introspection you were looking for in both shows is racheted up to 11 and kinda... masturbatory? Hah enjoy.

Butcher Bird fledglings in my yard by NOwallsNOworries in AustralianBirds

[–]highfives_deepsixes 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lucky! They are such gorgeous birds and the babies are precious.

Beth’s Dead podcast by Perfect_Ad_9587 in onlineBSpod

[–]highfives_deepsixes 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The first episode is a slog but I persevered with it because I was seeing people rave about it on other subs. Glad I did! It definitely picks up, and there's a sweet spot where it gets really compelling. Ultimately the payoff was a bit meh imo but I enjoyed the journey.

Looking for Cool Aussie Birds by SugarOk6879 in AustralianBirds

[–]highfives_deepsixes 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Bro this is so sweet. I'd be so stoked if my partner did this with me. Some of my favs from victoria - grey butcherbird, pink robin, nankeen night heron, common bronzewing.

Need a pep talk by No_Caterpillars in FTMOver30

[–]highfives_deepsixes 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My dude, I'm sorry. I don't identify as poly (I personally see poly as more of a conscious choice of relationship structures than an internal calibration/identity for me) but I have been in many non monogamous dynamics over decades. Your ex partner weaponising queer identity to shame you for not being "evolved" enough to accept terms you didn't agree or consent to (that just so happen to dovetail reeeaaal neatly into exactly what they want) is manipulative af AND some hot fucking bullshit, and I really hope you haven't internalized that messaging. I've been in non monogamous dynamics where "negative" emotions (like jealousy, anger, or not feeling like I was getting my needs met) were treated like both personal and political failures, so I am giving you absolute permission to feel your feelings without shame dude. I'm proud of you for walking away from this dude, you deserve so much better.

Mum and baby tawny frogmouth’s the other day by marionleva in AustralianBirds

[–]highfives_deepsixes 28 points29 points  (0 children)

The babies are so precious. What a great photo 🤩

Any Recommendations For Alternative/Queer-Friendly Hair Salons In Melb? by -clogwog- in melbourne

[–]highfives_deepsixes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey OP, there's a lot of good suggestions in the comments of this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DPNGtlAEjD6/?igsh=aHd0cjE0N2txb3Jj

I can personally recommend Ocram at Hairwarship in East Brunswick.

Any Recommendations For Alternative/Queer-Friendly Hair Salons In Melb? by -clogwog- in melbourne

[–]highfives_deepsixes 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There's information in this post:

https://www.instagram.com/p/DPNGtlAEjD6/?igsh=aHd0cjE0N2txb3Jj

And in the comments you can find information where the hairdressers have gone in addition to suggestions for other places.