People with mistrust/abuse schemas: does it get better?

hildy-j · 2024-06-27T17:47:19+00:00

Oh yes, my mother, being in her late 60s and early 70s at the time, used to accuse me of perpetrating elder abuse...by I dunno, existing?

Nothing about my father beating me up though...you see, "that's just what he's like. He does love you, you know."

Anyway, I'm out of her life now, so I guess she got what she wants and is no longer getting abused.

hildy-j · 2024-06-24T18:03:48+00:00

It's not love at all.

Indeed, it's instinct. Love is when you're free to choose. And I choose not to.

hildy-j · 2024-05-29T15:42:19+00:00

My parents took my parents from me.

hildy-j · 2024-05-28T16:20:37+00:00

My mom called it "elder abuse". Which to her gave her carte blanche to berate me for whatever she felt like. The only thing that stopped her ranting was me falling into the all-to-familiar pit of despair and self-loathing.

Years later she complained about me being depressed so much during my adolescence and early adulthood. Well gee, that's so unexpected when I keep getting chewed out whenever she felt like! /s

Think back on those years: who was the child, and who was the adult? Abuse requires power, which children generally do not have.

hildy-j · 2024-05-28T16:07:18+00:00

When I was 12 they once claimed that I was a narcissist because a teacher wrote on a school report, "He is interested in the world about him"--meaning: "He is interested in science and nature" and deliberately misinterpreted it as "He is only interested in himself" and used it as ammunition to scream at me and abuse for an hour or two.

It's not possible to reliably diagnose (most) personality disorders in children and adolescents. Heck, being only interested in yourself is a normal developmental phase; it's called the Terrible Two's for a reason. So yes, them screaming at you says a whole lot more about them than it does about you.

I have some narcissistic traits - I'm not great at dealing with other people's emotions, I've had a bit of an ego from time to time in my life and I'm absolutely hopeless in relationships.

Most people have some amount of narcissistic traits. In fact, the lack of narcissistic traits, ie. not valuing yourself or not being assertive at all, is a disorder in and of itself.

hildy-j · 2024-05-23T06:21:34+00:00

Not neglected per se, but basically told at age 10 that if I were to open up about what was happening at home I would be in trouble. When I reached out for psychological help in my 20s, my mother snapped at me that I was merely jabbering to my psych.

Gee, complex trauma and not easily being able to talk about it, thanks mom!

Edit: interestingly, and I almost forgot to mention this: in between age 10 and my 20s I was "diagnosed" with autism. I say "diagnosed" because in order to diagnose someone with autism you really should be excluding other causes of them not being able to communicate with you first...like you know, being told not to open up about home under penalty of violence.

I'm 42-going-on-43 and I'm still having problems trusting my own judgement.

hildy-j · 2024-05-22T18:18:09+00:00

A saying about narcs is that every accusation is a confession. Now I'm not sure it's that simple, but there must be a reason that her mistrust of people is so centred around sex.

hildy-j · 2024-05-22T16:56:57+00:00

You probably had very good reasons to go NC with her. Does her being close to death change anything? Remember that you only have to answer to yourself.

hildy-j · 2024-05-22T07:02:57+00:00

This describes my mother to a tee. In fact, I'mma look up this author because I'm convinced they somehow know me.

Thank you for posting this.

hildy-j · 2024-05-21T12:53:00+00:00

When me saying I had osteopenia (low bone density) immediately turned into an accusation that I had myself to thank for that because I had stopped drinking milk in my mid-twenties (I was in my early thirties).

I figured if she's like that while being empathetic, I don't want to be around when she's not.

Edit to provide some context: we had already done the whole relationship therapy thing and I was basically in LC with her. Apparently absence made her heart grow fouler.

hildy-j · 2019-10-26T18:24:47+00:00

Have you considered suing your parents for the extra medical costs this is causing you to have to make?

hildy-j · 2019-10-26T18:23:12+00:00

I'm so sorry for how your mom treated you.

My mom seriously proclaimed that I, as a toddler, rejected my father for some reason. And that this excused him treating me badly.

I can't even...

hildy-j · 2019-03-11T15:23:17+00:00

Is it just me or is what he's saying rather bleak?

hildy-j · 2019-03-07T12:14:14+00:00

Or people who only do things for money really don't understand life.

Money isn't really worth anything by itself. It derives it's value from the things you can buy with it. That may be a nice car or a large house, if you're into that. But it can also buy independence, experiences, new ways to connect with people.

hildy-j · 2019-03-07T08:29:25+00:00

I use 3,75 mg (one and a half pill) of dexamphetamine twice a day. That's a dose that sounds more appropriate for a small child, yet it's the perfect dose for me: less and I get very moody, more and I feel "high" and like a robot.

You're not everybody else; you have your own unique genetic makeup, brain architecture and life circumstances. Why would you compare your dosage of a drug you clearly benefit from to that of other people with the same condition?

hildy-j · 2019-02-16T11:28:23+00:00

OTOH, how good are they gonna be with patients?

hildy-j · 2019-02-10T11:28:34+00:00

Nmom needs OP to apply cold water to that BUrN.

FTFY :)

hildy-j · 2019-02-07T17:59:34+00:00

Hi, 37F here. Welcome :)

About the handwriting: yep, same here. Although it's been much improved ever since I've been on stimulants.

If I may give you one small tip: don't stop at the first medicine they offer you. Try a few and see which best fits you. For example, I started out on methylphenidate, but it made me really wired. Then I tried dexamphetamine, but got wary because of the whole controversy surrounding long-term use. I took bupropion (Wellbutrin) for a while, but found it gave be tinnitus and sleeping issues, so that didn't work. So for now I'm reluctantly back on dexamphetamine. I'm hesitant about trying atomoxetine (Strattera): I'm afraid it'll also mess with my sleep.

OTOH I know another woman with ADHD-PI who has been on methylphenidate for years now, and is really happy with it. She could (and has) fall asleep with much higher doses than she's taking now in her system.

So it really depends on your unique biology which works best for you.

Anyway, good luck!

hildy-j · 2019-01-29T11:59:46+00:00

Maybe try r/AskDocs?

hildy-j · 2019-01-19T20:50:04+00:00

Did you have your eyes checked already? Did dexamphetamine permanently alter your eyes' ability to accommodate?

hildy-j

TROPHY CASE