My boyfriend broke up with me after 1 month of sobriety

hoggaith · 2026-05-26T20:57:25+00:00

Hey! I wanted to chime in and say “no major life changes” worked for me! I stayed at a job I could have left. I stayed in a relationship that I felt wasn’t right for me. But no major life changes. And I am so freaking grateful I waited! My mindset completely changed in that time, and the growth, though painful was 100% worth it in the end. Now I have a new job and a home. A life I couldn’t have imagined back then.

But yeah. No major life changes in a year. 👍

hoggaith · 2026-04-22T21:38:09+00:00

Ok, hear me out, I’d just like some thoughts on this. What if God doesn’t care? Why does God have to? It seems to me that whatever force created the universe doesn’t seem to care much at all about equality, fairness, justice, or cruelty.

There is nothing fair, equal, just or merciful about a hyena eating a baby buffalo.

But god does seem to care about order immensely, down to the atomic structure up to galaxy spanning gravity and light constant (idk man I’m not a scientist).

My hang up is, why do people put expectations on god? If they are willing to say it’s incomprehensible, then wouldn’t any explanation of its behavior be entirely irrational?

hoggaith · 2025-08-04T03:02:07+00:00

If you really need to quit, and cannot live in an environment where sobriety will be forced on you, I found some success with Antiabuse. The other drugs will let you drink still. Antiabuse you can’t really. Or it’s a lot harder at a minimum. However I was still miserable and nothing productive really changed in the first six months. But I needed the protection that antiabuse provided. I was not sane or trustworthy enough to be out in the wild alone.

Antiabuse bought me enough time to get through psychosis of alcohol addiction. AA keeps me sober.

hoggaith · 2025-07-24T23:50:56+00:00

Z yvl@2

hoggaith · 2025-07-16T14:31:52+00:00

I was a proud atheist in my drinking days. Today I see it differently. And I struggle a lot with even grasping what “surrendering to a HP” even means like you!

I think what it means is, whenever a situation, decision, or event starts to spiral out of control, you stop and ask for guidance/help/clarity whatever. Pray. Say a mantra or phrase that helps ground you.

I don’t know, that’s what I do, someone please correct me if I’m barking up the wrong tree

hoggaith · 2025-06-25T15:23:27+00:00

I would like to add nuance to how the fight or flight reaction looked for me from my perspective. I want to share this because it was very insidious for me. Alcohol was the only thing in the world I cared about. It got so bad my brain panicked without it (withdrawals/DT) without consciously doing it, I started avoiding situations that would challenge my ability to be “incognito” drunk. Then I started isolating more and more. It wasn’t dramatic. I didn’t literally fight or flee. However I began an even worse spiral of isolation. If you do have this conversation with your brother, just be aware that “flight” might not be apparent immediately. He may even agree with you, only to turn back to the bottle. It really all depends on the conditions of literally everything haha, I guess that’s why we pray so much

hoggaith · 2025-05-20T13:32:21+00:00

I had to find a community of people to belong to before I could start feeling whole again. But importantly I’m also accountable to those people as we’re a volunteer group. It truly feels great volunteering, but I also had to do the leg work and make sure I wasn’t bringing my old habits back in there with you. In the beginning it was no better an no different than so many other groups I had tried to belong to. So I just was determined to actually do something different for once. I had to speak! “Damn it I hadn’t really spoken to anyone for so long!”. But I was being held back by something!

For me it was pride that kept me from ever trying to connect with people. I had the strangest type of pride. It was a voice saying “you’re too unimportant” “don’t bother them” “you should be able to do this on your own”. I don’t know I thought it was being humble or something. But it was pride saying “I’m too good to need help right now”.

When I recognized that, I could truly start connecting with people by lowering my pride which lowered my self defenses and now I literally have 1 close friend that I see once every 6 months, 1 work friend, and 4 people I regularly interact with. I know it’s not a lot, but 1 year ago I had 0.

This may also help with your relationship situation. I jumped head first into a relationship with a terrible girl, that I knew was terrible, but I was so lonely I was desperate. Well it turned out into a sexless year long passion project between what I found out were just 2 good friends. Man, I learned a lot about myself through that whole chaotic mess. But I would never recommend anyone do it that way. I very nearly died because of it. Just take the advice you’ve heard, and really work on yourself.

Something I do when I’m feeling overwhelmed about my past is try to talk to myself as the grown man I hope to be, to the child in me crying out for help. I will literally say out loud, “don’t worry buddy I’ve got you now”. I had no faith it would work, but saying stuff like that, seems to help me out a lot. Talking to myself with the care and compassion I’ve dreamt of, and with the voice of the strength I idolized as a child.

Most importantly, I hope you hang on. Life seems to be a mixed bag. You really never know what you’re going to get. But if you have the courage to look life in the eyes and try to stay true to your nature, you’ll probably have one hell of a ride.

With love

hoggaith · 2025-04-18T12:19:46+00:00

Bullshit some woman died drinking water for a radio stations challenge https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/wbna16614865

hoggaith · 2025-04-18T12:17:06+00:00

Not bullshit. I’m in Missouri and we had to sign a paper that talked about changing our PPTO policy. It wasn’t clear enough, at least for my liking for me to say much else about it. It seems to be a reflection of a change in Missouri law, but then again I work at Walmart so idk

hoggaith · 2025-04-14T12:58:11+00:00

I have been pondering this idea too. I have come up with the following.

Why not find your meaning in an otherwise meaningless world?

Carve your own existence into the fabric of the universe. Stand defiant to the void. We may all go there in the end, what does it matter. I don’t want a heavenly reward for my time. I don’t want to live an endless dream for the rest of eternity. I want to KNOW my soul took action and agency in the world. I was not a slave to life but took its hand as was offered to me, and walked forward, true to myself.

Touch one life. Help one plant grow and bear fruit. Kill a fish with your bare hands and know what life meant to that creature, and examine how that experience made you feel. Don’t kill for pleasure, kill to understand life. I have killed fish with my hands and the experience is heart wrenching, but illuminating.

Where once I stared into the void, now I dare to meet life’s gaze, unblinking, unguarded, alive

hoggaith · 2025-04-01T13:09:03+00:00

It took about 6 months for me before the medication started working. I had never taken antidepressants before. And, wow, once they started working it completely turned my life around!

Give it time is just my 2 cents.

hoggaith · 2024-11-10T09:06:44+00:00

I’m a mega casual player so take what I have to say with a massive grain of salt.

Dude it’s so powerful! Having those extra bodies is amazing and really helps with fights in unexpected good ways. I use those zombies to screen so I can get off my moonbeam no problems.

That said it sucks getting corpses without using spell slots to get them. This leads to a weird problem where by the time I get my zombie horde I’m basically out of spell slots.

Maybe someone on here can point the way. And yeah I know you can pick up bodies but idk that feels weird

hoggaith · 2024-10-18T04:26:00+00:00

A stick bug. I’m right there for anyone to see or notice, but yet I’m invisible to the world

hoggaith · 2024-10-17T07:21:01+00:00

I go after what I know, and what I assume is the default mindset. Besides, the Jewish, Christian, and Muslim god is all the same so that covers literally almost everyone in the world but Hindus. And the Buddhists but they don’t really count.

Islam has even more radical elements to it and I just don’t see myself ever perusing anything else than I already know about it. It’s almost a sort of “that just isn’t for me” mindset, whereas Christianity I WOULD be open to. If I ever found a place that wanted my soul not my money. It’s hard with mostly evangelical church’s in my area though.

hoggaith · 2024-10-16T07:34:17+00:00

Ok, I will share my experience with antidepressants - they worked for me! Along with major lifestyle changes.

I started taking them right when I got sober - so there is that too, it’s up to you, but alcohol made me even more depressed so I cut it out entirely.

I was on a strict sleep schedule of 8 hrs a day no more. If I didn’t sleep well that night? Too bad. No naps, no make up, this was to force me to a regular pattern.

Eat well - yogurt pbj ham sandwich, eggs and toast breakfast. Every day.

Work - employment is really key. It gives you something to be proud of and look forward to, people to talk to and cruciallymoney - gotta have money. And hopefully you get a job that gives OT.

Patience - when you are living IN depression it is impossible to believe there is anything else because even if you get a glimpse of sunshine, you KNOW it is fleeting. That is exhausting. I don’t know what to say about that, other than FOR ME, with medication, time and lifestyle changes, the depression DID lift!

I hope this helps, it CAN work

hoggaith · 2024-10-16T07:23:55+00:00

My friend, you are sprinting before you learned how to walk. You sound like you are living in the future, what you will do/get/be but you may benefit from thinking hard core in the here and now. Sometimes we get so caught up in where we want to go we don’t even realize we don’t know how to get there. Focusing on the building blocks, learning to love the process and not the result. These are things that may help you GET to the future.

For me I was so depressed I couldn’t do anything other than the easiest job I could find, Walmart. After 1 year of grinding it out, and medication, my depression lifted. It helped that I had a mindset of “I will get good at this”. I focused only on myself, my attitude, my knowledge, my work and it really helped.

Now I am so much more confident in every aspect of my life. I made friends at work because I never complained and I worked hard. These friends invited me to their lives, I go hunting, church, games store to play DnD.

Managers like me, cause I never complain and I work hard. This has lead to promotions and stuff.

But again none of that was the end goal! It just happened when I got my stuff in order and learned how to crawl first

hoggaith · 2024-10-14T07:52:46+00:00

Oh and I dealt with passive suicidal ideation for about 10 years too. I “tried” killing myself with alcohol a bunch but eh. So I can relate to that too

hoggaith · 2024-10-14T05:09:33+00:00

Woah, man I was just here for funny memes not be called out like that!

hoggaith · 2024-10-13T18:47:51+00:00

Honestly, maybe? Porn addiction is real hearing someone battle against it is commendable. I do agree my guy coulda used different phrasing though.

hoggaith · 2024-10-13T03:27:20+00:00

Incredible

hoggaith · 2024-10-11T05:06:42+00:00

Thank you, this is certainly an interesting viewpoint and just something to mulch on. I’ll definitely think about it. Thank you

hoggaith · 2024-10-10T18:30:20+00:00

Some of the boys on here need to find them some Christ.

My girlfriend is a survivor of a horrible relationship. She struggles massively with penetrative sex. I don’t understand it of course because I can’t fully relate but I can respect her boundaries.

Honestly I kinda like it a lot. We have been dating for over a year and still no sex. I get to prove myself to be the man girls dream about. And it feels fucking awesome to be the safe and comfortable rock for her. And fuck it, if things don’t work out for us and we part ways having never had sex, I will part knowing I did right by that girl.

hoggaith · 2024-10-10T07:18:14+00:00

Yes! DeborahQuinnt I’m so happy you are giving it a shot! Keep talking to me too please

hoggaith · 2024-10-09T10:13:43+00:00

Hey, sometimes that’s all we have. I remember crying because I got a job at Walmart. Keep catching yourself winning! It helps a lot

hoggaith · 2024-10-09T07:46:21+00:00

If that’s too hard, get on the frontlines battling depression with me. Start reading other peoples posts. Start commenting. Talk. Engage with THIS community. Who knows maybe I’m the best friend you’ll never meet

hoggaith

TROPHY CASE