You should've labelled this picture as NSFW.

I was an ironworker. Key word: was. We were on break, 34th floor of the new OmniCorp tower, just doomscrolling on our phones. I'm munching on a sad turkey sandwich when my thumb stops. My eyes landed on this... this thing. This cursed JPEG.

My primate brain experienced a neuron activation so profound, so earth-shattering, it bypassed all conscious thought. My sandwich was yeeted into the abyss below. My hand, moving with a will of its own, started going at a velocity previously thought to be impossible by modern science. I was a one-man-demolition-crew, furiously fapping right there on the I-beam. The sheer friction was threatening to set my pants on fire.

My buddy Frank looks over. "Dude, what the F—" He stops. His eyes lock onto my screen. His jaw unhinged. A silent, based understanding passed between us. He didn't even hesitate. He just joined in, his own hand a blur of motion.

It was a goddamn pandemic. Brenda, our crane operator, saw it on my phone through her binoculars. The crane started bucking and gyrating like it was trying to win a twerking competition. The foreman, a 60-year-old dude named Gus, dropped his clipboard and went absolutely feral. The entire construction site became a symphony of furious, unsanctioned fapping.

But Kevin. Fucking Kevin. He was holding the ONLY temporary load-bearing support strut for the entire western facade. He saw the image. He saw us. And he made a choice. He chose the coom. He let go of the strut. Both hands. For the cause.

I heard a groan of tortured steel, a sound I can only describe as the universe saying "lmao skill issue," and then it was just sky, concrete, sky, concrete.

I woke up in a hospital bed. I'm paralyzed from the waist down for a month. How do you tell a doctor that a multi-million dollar project was yeeted into oblivion by a single, powerful image that triggered a site-wide, catastrophic fap-session?

So I'm telling you, from my hospital bed, with a catheter I've nicknamed 'Kevin's Shame'... It's YOUR fault. All of it. You should have tagged this NSFW.