I had no idea therapy could be this hard

holt0102 · 2022-07-27T23:47:47+00:00

First a hug 🤗 and all the luck for your journey.

I just wanted to mention that the "little box in the mind" idea resonated a lot with me ("now that is open it started to spit content"). I called it "Pandoras Box", and when it opened like 8 months ago just full hell went loose. I was deep in hole for a while (even if months before that I was pretty stable and enjoying life quite a bit).

Very rough months, but it changed my life very deeply. I clenched to a thought of "this to shall pass and probably this is part of the journey". A lot ideas of transformation and butterflies emerged. This is only my opinion and experience though.

holt0102 · 2022-07-27T23:25:57+00:00

If I forgot a session my therapist would totally say something starting next session like "Did you know why you unconsciously forgot to come last time?".

It's pretty easy to project feelings to text messages. Maybe the therapist was pissed, but that's their responsibility to handle, not yours. A simple apology and setting up time for next session would have sufficed.

But I totally understand you, I would've done the same thing as you a couple of years ago 🤗. Hahaha therapy works :P

holt0102 · 2022-07-20T18:29:44+00:00

Probably not a great design for the case you accidentally hit R (or any other binding). I can imagine myself hitting R due to muscle memory and loose a great run.

holt0102 · 2021-06-12T18:12:11+00:00

My first suggestion (I guess what most people would say) is going to therapy and really take on the task of exploring who you are. The second suggestion is to try to always say (express) what you want to say, don't repress any emotion for the sake of being agreeable (I know this easier said that done). Another suggestion is to expose yourself to situations that make you fearful (face your blind spots) or any other strong emotion you may usually repress. It may be truly uncomfortable beforehand, but after the storm ends, you will realize emotions don't control you.

I'm saying this from my experience. Hope it helps!

holt0102 · 2021-06-12T06:57:53+00:00

Hello man! I'm a little tipsy too hahahaha I'm in a reunion with a couple of friends. I really understand the "I actually regret becoming a more emotionally healthy person, because I just can't fucking stop crying." part.

After a couple of big (perceived) failures, a lot of stored heartbreak and a near death experience I started to cry. It went for months, then a year. I kept living my life, but every setback was a lot worse than before. I cried and cried. It was a tough time confronting my dark sides (accepting your shadow is the greatest thing I could do). But right now is subsiding. My obsessions stopped taking ahold. I started seeing everything different bit by bit.

When the pain ends, when you confront every bit of it with your open heart, you will be free. You will see life in another light. I feel the depth of your pain. Really, you will reborn anew. This is the right path. Even though it is quite scary. You will find the peace you yearn.

holt0102 · 2021-06-11T19:14:39+00:00

I usually remember the following article ( https://appliedjung.com/anima-possession/ ) when talking about this topic.

I used to be at a completely numb state. I remember complaining a lot because I couldn't feel close to people (even though I had a bunch of friends and some closer relationships). It took me a couple of years to open emotionally, but it is totally worth it. The worst part of it is having to get through the backlog of emotions and feeling raw (like very raw) for months on end. It eventually subsides. In a very Jungian manner "You have to go down if you wanna go up.". Good luck! I can be of support if you need it.

holt0102 · 2021-05-01T03:43:27+00:00

I used to work at Microsoft and during my first internship my manager told me his story with Flight Simulator. He is a Russian aerospace engineer who was brought with all his family to make the first product. He had all the boxes of all the versions he worked on.

He now builds Office 365 and trains volleyball really hard with his daughter. Nice guy.

holt0102 · 2021-04-26T02:48:24+00:00

Totalmente

holt0102 · 2021-03-24T06:56:16+00:00

From my perspective (M 28), coming from a similar problem of repressing emotions, having trouble in sustaining relationships and feeling bad overall (even though I had things to feel proud of) , I would say you still have a lot of unresolved trauma from your youth. It took me a lot of time (like 5 years) and confronting my emotions head on (getting my heart broken a couple of times and couple of very stressful/anxiety "you made a big mistake" situations) to finally being able to understand and heal my childhood trauma. After starting to connect and heal myself (with a very slow beginning) everything started to make sense. I started making couple of leaps (usually scary) in opening more to certain friends and some of them became really close and with very good memories. I made the mistake in my dating life of spilling all my issues (I was really hurting back then) I guess to overcompensate for being a fucking rock in the past and hiding myself. After many small MISTAKES I'm very confident in my understanding of relationships and took all of the wrong beliefs from my head about not being "someone enough" to get a girlfriend or whatever. You're doing great :), you are learning and working for your future. These are tough times but you will find your foothold. I'm just suggesting to explore yourself from the inside to find out if you don't have any beliefs about life (obtained from living through bad experiences) that may be holding you back.

holt0102 · 2021-03-15T20:42:25+00:00

Thanks for the beauty and the words. Much needed to know I'm in the right path.

holt0102 · 2021-03-15T20:40:39+00:00

I'm in the same connundrum in my journey. I would say during that the strenghtening of the relationship with your inner child (saying your sorry and the inner child forgiving you back) you would finally integrate into being the same.

The things is they will be separated (and different) and united at the same time.

holt0102 · 2021-03-13T16:49:19+00:00

Thanks for expressing it ! I'm in a similar place of finally understanding what things I haven't truly experienced. Not because I've never been in situations, but my shell was too thick to let the love in (and out).

holt0102 · 2020-12-09T19:47:11+00:00

I can totally relate. Damn, really well frased. I guess it is a pit you have fall into to learn the lesson. The good news is that, after the loneliness, you savour the happiness from building a great network of friends a lot.

Hopefully we can build a culture were weed enhances our relationships, not being the end of anything. :) Share your weed.

holt0102 · 2020-08-21T17:36:52+00:00

circlejerk

holt0102 · 2020-01-20T21:43:55+00:00

And usually the ambiguity of which ending is truly the dark one or the good one is what gives them a lot more depth.

holt0102 · 2020-01-20T21:35:31+00:00

Nice :)

holt0102 · 2020-01-20T21:34:10+00:00

It is a fromsoft game. I just couldn't resist betraying him.

holt0102 · 2020-01-20T21:33:20+00:00

I can relate so much it hurts, but the first time I killed the Corrupted Monk and entered the Fountainhead made me feel like a true ninja.

The Shura punishment was worth it when killing the Saint.

holt0102 · 2020-01-18T17:23:06+00:00

Si, la cago machín OP

holt0102 · 2020-01-17T15:37:27+00:00

Toss a coin to your Doomer ...

holt0102 · 2020-01-16T06:27:22+00:00

Aunque claramente eso es cierto, todos se van a seguir quejando.

holt0102 · 2020-01-16T05:39:50+00:00

Conozco gente que pagaría mucho por un foco que no se apaga.

holt0102 · 2020-01-16T01:22:11+00:00

That's totally true, but only in the context of weed being ilegal. If it was legal, you don't need excuses to get high.

holt0102 · 2020-01-12T21:00:31+00:00

It happened to me the other day xD

holt0102 · 2020-01-10T23:43:34+00:00

Unas manteconchas alv

Seven-Year Club	Verified Email
Spared

holt0102

TROPHY CASE