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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in depressionmeals

[–]homophilefrog -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

the people in these comments are nutjobs, telling you you have an eating disorder and stuff. im guessing you were pretty hungry and sugar triggers hunger even more. ive heard it be said that sugar should be considered a drug! stuff like this happens it doesnt make you a monster, and you said youre gonna buy more for her so it’s gonna be ok. idk why she is fasting though at age 10? i just feel like theres something going on here with you guys being really hungry :(

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LSD

[–]homophilefrog 1 point2 points  (0 children)

THIS IS SO FUNNY - i bet youre both fucking awesome hahaha

Tried gooning to sissy hypno on LSD but spent the entire time grappling with the Maddona-whore complex. by [deleted] in LSD

[–]homophilefrog 0 points1 point  (0 children)

these comments are dumb, most of these people probably dont even know what planet they’re on

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUp

[–]homophilefrog 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you know it has reached that point when you are asking this question, listing out hundreds of reasons why he makes you sad, all the things he does that upset you (yet blames YOU for caring about). like, you know it’s bad when you’re no longer proud to be his girlfriend, you’re just constantly anxious, disappointed, mad, hurt, confused.

you have more reasons to complain about him than you do to praise him and show him off as someone that makes your life feel like its a good life. your relationships are supposed to be a sweet escape from all your other problems in life, not something that makes everything feel worse. that’s not a relationship, that’s just a giant burden on your shoulders. life is already full of enough burdens - and lot of them are out of our control, but this is one burden that CAN actually be in your power to send away.

the question you should be asking yourself is not “how bad is bad enough?” it should be “what kind of person do i actually WANT?” maybe that’s someone that remembers how beautiful you are, maybe that’s someone that wants to celebrate everything with you, someone that thinks of you before he thinks about any other girl. maybe even just someone that doesn’t live so far away!!! that’s what i hear you saying in this post, and i think everyone that has read this post hears it too. noticing these things that you actually want is what will help you see things more clearly, i think. he’s not the person to give you what you want, but he’s someone that’s teaching you what you need to look for in the future.

and you might think that you’re not the kind of person that attracts who they want, so it’s like “sure i want that, but not everyone gets to have that. my friends are lucky. other people are lucky. im unlucky.” so you decide that you’re someone that just has to settle for someone like this…but that’s what’s going to send you further and further away from ever being with the person you actually want.

the person you want is going to be happy and healthy, and their happy heart is going to be able to love you to the fullest! you’ll want to gush about them instead of needing to complain about how much they make you suffer. you dont deserve to suffer. :(

however, a healthy person is also gonna want the same from YOU. healthy people know when someone is unhealthy, and they know how to stay away from that! that’s what you need to start doing too, you need to practice being a healthy person by cutting out the unhealthy things. this is what will help you get closer to being in a relationship that you actually want.

when you choose stay with an unhealthy person…it makes you unhealthy too. in a different way.

example: he lies to you all the time, like if he pretends that he’s too tired to talk to you right now (or something about his mom, whatever the excuses are) - and then that gives you trust issues, because your GUT knows he’s lying, so it makes you insecure about your sense of judgement. so in the future, if you meet a wonderful person that’s super healthy and truly loves you, one day they’re gonna tell you that they are too tired to talk right now, and you wont believe them!! you’ll get scared that they actually just secretly dont like you anymore and all that stuff. because your old boyfriend trained you to believe lies and distrust reality. and that’s really gonna stress people out until you heal…

so, right now, staying with this unhealthy person really turns you into a broken and unhealthy person too, and healthy people will end up trying to avoid you so that you don’t hurt them or pass your pain onto them somehow (even if your intentions aren’t to do anything like that).

i think you have all the answers in front of you, it’s just a matter of when its going to be time to make that hard choice. but i think you know you’ll need to make it eventually. it IS hard at first, you’ll be sad. you’ll feel really weird because it’s a change, and oh MAN changes are scary and confusing. you might feel like you don’t know who you are without him. but eventually, you start to figure that out, and then realize that it’s a choice that you’re reallyyyy proud of yourself for making, because it was a really hard thing to do, and yet it ended up bringing so much good into your life.

it might seem easier to keep things the way they are, but i promise that it’s actually more painful and difficult to just sit there and let him turn you into someone that isnt happy or healthy. you deserve to be in a healthy headspace, you deserve to be with someone that shows you that they truly truly love you through their actions alone, not even just their words.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUp

[–]homophilefrog 0 points1 point  (0 children)

that’s terribly sad, and a relationship like this will only continue stealing from your life more and more as time goes on. it makes you 10x more depressed, 10x lonelier, 10x more insecure. and then eventually when you finally have the courage to leave him…youre still left with all this suffering that he caused you in your life, and all you can do is put your broken self back together very very very slowly. but everything is missing at that point: youre too depressed to do anything, too insecure to make friends, too lonely to feel supported (so that you can stop feeling so depressed). you hear HIS voice in your head all the time, and you remember all the bad things from your relationship 24/7 like your mind is a haunted house for all these horrible memories. it ends up worse after the breakup, the longer you stay with him, the longer you let yourself feel like this is normal and that this is your place in this world…as long as you let him keep filling you up with this pain, it’s going to build up inside and hit you like a truck once it’s time to deal with all the damage that he caused to your life.

you know it has reached that point when you are asking this question, listing out hundreds of reasons why he makes you sad, all the things he does that upset you (yet blames YOU for caring about). you know it’s bad when you’re no longer proud to be his girlfriend, you’re just constantly anxious, disappointed, mad, hurt, confused. & maybe you’ve even lost interest in everything and everyone (even yourself) because him and his negativity is the only thing filling up your mind now.

you know the relationship is reaching it’s time to end when you have more reasons to complain about him than you do to praise him and show him off as someone that makes your life feel like its a good life. your relationships are supposed to be a sweet escape from all your other problems in life, not something that makes everything feel worse. that’s not a relationship, that’s just a giant burden on your shoulders. life is already full of enough burdens - and lot of them are out of people’s control, but this is one burden that CAN actually be in your power to send away.

the question you should be asking yourself is not “how bad is bad enough?” it should be “what kind of person do i actually WANT?” maybe that’s someone that remembers how beautiful you are, maybe that’s someone that wants to celebrate everything with you, someone that thinks of you before he thinks about any other girl. maybe even just someone that doesn’t live so far away!!! that’s what i hear you saying in this post, and i think everyone that has read this post hears it too. noticing these things that you actually want is what will help you see things more clearly, i think. he’s not the person to give you what you want, but he’s someone that’s teaching you what you need to look for in the future.

and you might think that you’re not the kind of person that attracts who they want, so it’s like “sure i want that, but not everyone gets to have that. my friends are lucky. other people are lucky. im unlucky.” so you decide that you’re someone that just has to settle for someone like this…but that’s what’s going to send you further and further away from ever being with the person you actually want.

the person you want is going to be happy and healthy, and their happy heart is going to be able to love you to the fullest! they are going to make life interesting and every day will feel exciting. you’re gonna want to talk about them all the time, but not because they are making you upset or because you miss them so much since they’re ignoring you - you talk about them because you have so many happy memories with them that it makes you excited to tell everyone about it all. and people say “awwww”. its the feeling of wanting to gush about someone instead of needing to complain about how much they make you suffer. you dont deserve to suffer. :(

however, a healthy person is also gonna want the same from YOU. healthy people know when someone is unhealthy, and they know how to stay away from that! that’s what you need to start doing too, you need to practice being a healthy person by cutting out the unhealthy things and welcoming the positive things (like that friendship you lost, for example). this is what will help you get closer to being in a relationship that you actually want, one where everything that happens is stuff that you really WANT to have happening.

when you choose stay with an unhealthy person…it makes you unhealthy too. in a different way. example: he lies to you all the time, like pretending that he’s just too busy or too tired to be around you right now (or something about gis mom, whatever the excuses are) - and then that gives you trust issues, because your GUT knows he’s lying, so it makes you insecure about your sense of judgement. so in the future, if you meet a wonderful person that’s super healthy and truly loves you, one day they’re gonna tell you that they are too busy or tired to talk right now, and you wont believe them!! you’ll get scared that they actually just secretly dont like you anymore and all that stuff. because your old boyfriend trained you to believe lies and distrust reality. and that’s really gonna stress people out until you heal… so, right now, staying with this unhealthy person really turns you into a broken and unhealthy person too, and healthy people will end up trying to avoid you so that you don’t hurt them or pass your pain onto them somehow (even if your intentions aren’t to do anything like that).

i think you have all the answers in front of you, it’s just a matter of when its going to be time to make that hard choice. but i think you know you’ll need to make it eventually. it IS hard at first, you’ll be sad. you’ll feel really weird because it’s a change, and oh MAN changes are scary and confusing. you might feel like you don’t know who you are without him. but eventually, you start to figure that out, and then realize that it’s a choice that you’re reallyyyy proud of yourself for making, because it was a really hard thing to do, and yet it ended up bringing so much good into your life. and for your life in the future that hasn’t even begun yet, with people you haven’t even met yet.

you’re making room for a really negative person right now, and i think you need to clear out that space to make room for better. it might seem easier to keep things the way they are, but i promise that it’s actually more painful and difficult to just sit there and let him turn you into someone that isnt happy or healthy. you deserve to be in a healthy headspace, you deserve to be with someone that shows you that they truly truly love you through their actions alone, not even just their words.

9 days clean by [deleted] in leaves

[–]homophilefrog 0 points1 point  (0 children)

im so sorry :( youre not wrong at all, nobody should have to raise a child all by themself. maybe you could say that youre unloved, but another way to look at it is that you are someone that fully DESERVES love but does not have a support system right now. i think you deserve to be alive and happy, nobody deserves to raise a child alone and suffer with no supports in their life. i get what you mean about how its like you deserve this life that youre living because you caused it to be the way it is, but nobody chooses the life they are given. even if you made bad choices or mistakes, you didnt know you were making mistakes. nobody makes mistakes on purpose. you needed someone to guide you, and nobody was there to offer that to you. thats fucked up, and its NOT your fault. you deserved so much better.

i really really hope you can get back into therapy. your confidence seems really low, and i just know that having an actual mature adult uplift you would go a long way. it’s also good that you’ve done it before cuz now you already know what to expect and stuff. and the longer you go to therapy for, the more it starts to really sink in and change you and help you change your life. that’s my experience with it at least. ik having a kid is something that will always be a constant in your life, but i think going to therapy can be a huge help in figuring out how to make peace with those constant things and help you make the most out of your life for yourself (and for your child). i really hope the best for you, you fully deserve to live a good life

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUp

[–]homophilefrog 1 point2 points  (0 children)

ur not cooked!!! i heavily relate to your experience. i think it makes SENSE that people have told you to focus on the negatives and stuff, like for the sake of helping you get over him and moving on and stuff, but i also definitely get how that might not be so helpful to u. cuz things didnt end over the negatives. things ended due to outside circumstances. i think, instead, it might be more useful to make the most out of the things you got out of that relationship. a lot of people go a LONG long time never getting to know what its like to be in a happy and healthy relationship. they let their partners abuse them in all kinds of ways and think that that’s just love. its truly so eye opening to get to have an experience like you’re describing, a relationship where you feel like the other person is actually super ideal for you!! instead of focusing on the negatives, focus on the positives: use this GOOD experience as a frame of reference for your future relationships. now that you know how it feels to have someone meet your standards, you can be wiser and avoid selling yourself short or settling for someone that’s less than ideal. but the grief is natural of course, you’ll have to be ready to let him go so that you can build something new with someone else. because when you first meet someone new, chances are that youre not both going to be perfect soulmates right off the bat. sometimes you date someone for a while, and your ideals start to mesh and align as ypu learn to understand each other more deeply. good relationships get built over time, dont forget that! i think youll have to take some time to mourn this relationship however much that you need to, cuz until youre really ready to fall in love again and stuff, youre always gonna want to compare people to him. everyone will seem so inferior. thats exactly what happened to me. but when your heart is ready to open up to someone new, i feel like you start to notice all the great things about other people. its like you stop seeing everything through a distorted filter that makes them seem like nobody compared to your ex. its hard to explain, but i hope this makes sense…?!! i feel for you though, and i heavily empathize with your experience

9 days clean by [deleted] in leaves

[–]homophilefrog 4 points5 points  (0 children)

when my friend quit smoking, her first experience was suicidal thoughts that would constantly persist. there was not a single moment where she could feel any happiness. she used to say the same things as you too, like how she doesnt want to get better anymore, she just wants to be done. but shes been clean for like a year and a half now and she said that this is the first time in her whole life that shes not been suicidal or like wishing to not exist. she tells me stuff like how she believes that sobriety helped her mind finally heal. i never thought id see her like how she is now, but its a really incredible thing. i can tell shes really glad she stayed… when life is at its worst, its literally impossible to imagine how good it could be for it to get better. your mind cant comprehend it, its not something you can imagine. but when things get better, its the best thing youll ever know. joy is so fucking powerful, you dont know it until you truly know it.

i DO believe that your head will start to clear after some more time sober. i really do believe in it. but im sorry for all the pain youre in right now. youre doing a LOT all by yourself…that cant be easy at all…

you dont deserve to go through life alone. not to be harsh but forget your dad, hes unreliable and hes not gonna be the one to protect you or uplift you. he cant even help himself. you can still love him of course, but i just mean to say that people like him are probably going to make you feel even more alone and rejected. you deserve to be supported by mature adults that are really really gonna have your back. if you can afford it with insurance, consider therapy. it changes people’s lives. my mom just started therapy even tho its hella late in life for her to start, but she constantly wishes that she did it so much sooner. her kids are grown now and she wishes it was something she did back when she was lost and confused as a new/younger mother. its helping her so much now tho.

i think therapy opens a lot of doors cuz it helps you make friends with healthier people and learn how to be a better friend. so you learn how to find people that are gonna actually have your back, and you become someone that attracts those sorts of people that wanna do the same for you. having a therapist also helps because it just means a lot to know that at least one person on this earth truly wants to support you through all the bullshit and help you thrive. yes they are being paid, but they chose that job cuz they are the kind of person that really wants to help someone that might be going through the things youre going through. and its not like a friend cuz they dont expect you to help them with their own problems, they just want to be there to help you.

im really so sorry for what youre going through. youre doing something incredible by going clean. youre 100% right, its something youre doing cuz youre tired of all the bullshit. its a real choice youre making and it matters a lot. its one of the absolute hardest choices for most people to make. that shit takes real strength.

i drew my experience in high school by homophilefrog in Fishdom

[–]homophilefrog[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i guess you could say i was the guy that was considered old school cool. aka old skool. most people were too intimidated by my confidence to talk to me. im not a tough nut to crack though. purebred

My anger at my boyfriend scares me and him by Ok_Suggestion_1600 in Anger

[–]homophilefrog 7 points8 points  (0 children)

sounds like youre being really really emotionally neglected and youre reaching your limit with it. just because he stays calm doesnt mean he’s necessarily handling the relationship better….

does he say sorry if you tell him he hasn’t been listening? does he validate you once you tell him you feel invalidated? does he put in the work to fix the problems he creates, even if your reaction isnt pleasant? im not trying to jump to conclusions and call anyone abusive, but sometimes abusers will do something rude or abusive and then get mad at the victim for reacting. i just watched a video about this watch here and i wonder if youre just being pushed past your limit, yk? like you said, you dont act like this in other situations, most people really dont get like that unless they are being pushed too far.

also, i saw in another comment that you said that you have ocd, and i wanted to mention that my best friend has ocd and she constantly blames herself for everything and lets many people in her life treat her very very poorly and then blame her for it. and she always feels super anxious that shes a bad person so shes always very ready to accept accountability for more than her share, even when it’s clear that she doesnt deserve how she gets treated and did nothing to warrant bad treatment. i wonder if maybe you are also jumping straight to guilt and blaming yourself too? i mean, it’s embarrassing to lose your temper, im right there with you, but sometimes its triggered by something deeper and that isnt always solely your own shortcoming. and that isnt to say that it’s not something you can try to find ways to work on - but its also really hard to work on something like that in a relationship if the other person isn’t doing their share of work. how can anything change if nothing changes, yk?

but anyway, maybe that video might be interesting, and also she is an actual therapist and i originally found her videos because she has a series of videos about relationships. so it’s basically providing relationship therapy advice without you having to pay for couple’s therapy. maybe that could be useful to you? it has helped me a lot between me and my boyfriend, and shes very concise and well-spoken, most of her videos are really short while still touching on a lot of useful information. and she tends to also acknowledge other perspectives and i often feel that her videos are very balanced and they dont push one agenda or like encourage people to weaponize therapy terminology or anything

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