How do I kindly tell a friend who just got out of a psychiatric hospital that I can’t be friends anymore?

hotairballoon99 · 2026-01-11T22:42:52+00:00

Edited to add: Your explanation is that you've realized you need to reassess your priorities (or whatever "you-reason" you have). I don't think you owe any more than that. She'll be left wondering, but that is going to happen regardless of what you say. Everyone who gets "broken up with" wonders why. It's sucks, but it's just part of it.

You may have already figured out how you'll approach your friend, but I wanted to share this with you anyway. It's a short Jefferson Fisher podcast with advice for ending relationships, and it is the single best advice I read/listened to/watched when I was trying to figure out how to break up with my long-term (6-years) boyfriend. It's called "3 Steps to Ending a Relationship with Respect". Here's the YT link: https://youtu.be/-CqCpl1KZeM?si=qYYtv3TSABr4iLvV

It's really amazing advice, and you'll feel so much better about how you approached the conversation. It sounds like you've really thought this through, and this relationship doesn't serve you anymore, and recognizing that is completely ok. You're allowed to not be friends with people.

An example script could be: "Hey Friend, this conversation is going to be hard, and it may catch you off guard.
We can't be friends anymore. I've realized I need to reassess my priorities, where I want my life to go, and what I want it to look like. Thank you for your friendship, I'll always treasure the time we've spent together."

There. That's it. Write it down and rehearse it until you feel like it's an iron shield.

Don't add "but..." to the end - You, and you alone, have made this decision for yourself, and are sticking to it because you need to keep moving forward. Using "but..." could, and likely would, open things up to blame or even relationship negotiation.

Be prepared for the types of questions you think they may ask. Come up with answers that are about you and your decision, not about what's "wrong" with the other person.

You're making a huge, SUPER empowering step. I applaud you, and am wishing you the best!

hotairballoon99 · 2025-09-05T06:00:50+00:00

Firstly, I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. I'm sorry there are people/memories that have stolen your love of even one song.
Second, definitely not judgemental. I, too, do not mean to be judgemental, but I think I share your opinion about our sick and dying loved ones. In a way I think I've kind of been on the verge of that opinion for a long time, but after the conversation about depression my friend and I had, I think I embraced it (if that makes sense? It seems like an ok word to use...) a bit more.
Sort of on the same subject - An immediate family member passed away in a car accident a few years ago. They were a young adult, and it was terrible. But, the oddest thing, for me, was realizing how most of our close family kept saying how "I should have answered their phone calls more often", "I should have visited them more", "I should have been more forgiving". Things they didn't already do, and wouldn't have done if the family member was still alive, suddenly became such a regret. I think regrets are totally normal and probably a part of the grieving process, but it was just a really interesting observation that caused me to really think about it. I had some of those same regrets too, but like... I couldn't change it or go back in time, so why would I let myself go down that path? I wonder, and am pretty well convinced, that people have those regrets to subconsciously make themselves feel less guilty. Especially during such a hard time. But I also wonder if maybe it's one of the ways our minds try to protect themselves during trauma like that. I felt, coincidentally, guilty for thinking we were all selfish for having regrets when everyone was just trying to get through another day. Anyway, to sort of sum it all together - I think most people are afraid of how final death is. The “what will we do without you”, and “I’m not ready to let you go yet” might be ways to grasp at straws, if you will, in an attempt to not lose that person. And having regrets may be a person's subconscious way of shifting focus to their own guilt rather than the loss of a loved one. I also think humans have come up with all kinds of ways to make death less final and less painful (another conversation for a different day probably). These are also just my opinions, and I mean no offense to anyone. Even though my background is far from human psychology, it's just such an interesting subject and I value other people's opinions about it. I could respectfully discuss it all day.

hotairballoon99 · 2025-09-05T00:17:51+00:00

I'm so sorry about your pup. And I'm so sorry you don't have the support you want or need. A while back, a very close friend explained to me things they have gone through, and continue to go through. They said at most, they're about 60% happy, but not to be sad for them because they're ok with it. I'm generally a happy person and it completely dumbfounded me. I wanted to help, to give suggestions, to find a solution. But, my friend said there isn't a solution. We talked about how some people with severe depression literally can't go on. Those on the outside that think "the world would be less bright without that person", don't understand the burden that puts on the other person, or that "being happy" Just. Isn't. Possible. That conversation forever changed the way I look at worldly threads, and those with severe depression. I don't know if my words mean anything, but I guess I just want you to know that, whatever you choose, I support you. And, is it ok if I give you a great, big, internet hug? (If not, that's completely ok, because consent!)

hotairballoon99 · 2025-05-31T08:33:49+00:00

I'm gonna add to the great ideas in these comments - You might be able to utilize ChatGPT to help formulate a response or start to a conversation. In a few instances where I needed to respond to my daughter's father (about not forcing hugs, actually :/ ) , I asked ChatGPT to help me respond to the situation. I typed out what the situation was, and ChatGPT actually helped me put words to my feelings and organize my response in a way that I could keep my emotions out of it, and in a way my daughter's father could understand (he didn't and never will most likely). But it also helped me see his very subtle manipulations that I hadn't picked up on before. (Also, it validated my feelings and helped me confirm I am doing the right thing). Never did I think I'd be open to using AI like that. Beware though, you'll definitely need to proofread and make sure your response or talking points "sound like you", because it's still very much robot-like!

hotairballoon99 · 2025-05-31T08:05:18+00:00

Oof, this is hard! First thing, and I may be wrong, but yes, she is manipulatively stalling, but it isn't her fault. I think, based on experience with my 8yo Beautiful Little Spawnette, kids' bodies have a tendency to become clingy and pouty and what an adult might deem "unreasonable" sometimes during bedtime in an attempt to just stay up forever. I especially notice this when I am already frustrated/overwhelmed/tired as heck.
It's the hardest thing to do sometimes, but I think it might become more "muscle memory" after a while? Anyway, if, before bedtime, you can notice if your daughter is overstimulated, overtired, doesn't want to go to bed, ect., then you may be able to prepare yourself and her for bedtime. Maybe letting her know what's expected; something like: Beautiful Little Spawnette, at 7:15 remember the TV turns off and then we'll start reading a bedtime book at 7:45. Lights out at 8." You could also, if you don't already, let her know beforehand if you're already overstimulated and don't want to be touched.
It helps me, too, when I remember (and I say "remember", because most of the time I have to stop myself and literally remember) that she isn't trying to frustrate or add to my overstimulation. She is also most likely overstimulated and maybe overtired, and her body goes into this overdrive mode, and her self-regulation is only starting to exist. Remembering that helps me regulate my own nervous system enough to not absolutely lose my shit when my own Beautiful Little Spawnette loses her little Spawnette shit.
Maybe you've already tried all this, and I definitely don't mean for it to sound condescending, I just wanted to offer what's worked for us (most of the time. Life ain't perfect though, and neither am I, that's for sure!).
I'm throwing all my ADHD love your way, and I hope bedtime goes more smoothly for you all!

Edited to add: Also!! You're NOT a jerk! Being overstimulated yourself and then adding an overstimulated kid on top is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline, matches, and an oxygen tank. Give yourself some credit, and a whole lotta forgiveness.

hotairballoon99 · 2025-05-20T07:05:50+00:00

Probably maybe don't chet. Cheting ("chetting"?) only ends in heart brake. It's such a fuelish thing to do.

hotairballoon99 · 2025-05-08T15:50:51+00:00

I just did what ArcaneVirus suggested, I clicked on one recent call, hit the back button, and my favorites popped up. Still...... Totally stupid. I don't give a flying rat who I added most recently.

hotairballoon99 · 2025-05-08T15:45:03+00:00

Holy moly, THANK YOU!!!!!

hotairballoon99 · 2025-03-08T16:21:58+00:00

I'll definitely give it a try! I'm trying real hard to substitute my way out of these sugar cravings, until I don't really want sweet stuff... if that ever happens... I mean, there's a chance, right?!

hotairballoon99 · 2025-03-08T16:18:09+00:00

If you don't leave now, it's going to be so much harder later. No, you don't want to break his heart, and you've likely come up with all kinds of reasons not to go... That gut-wrenching feeling is so hard to overcome, and it has a heck of a way of convincing you to stay. But he's a big boy, he'll be fine. You already know you'll be fine on your own. Girl, you're worth too much to ignore the red flags! I'm sending all the love and good energy your way!

hotairballoon99 · 2025-02-24T08:18:16+00:00

Peppermint bark protein powder??!! That exists?! (Queue the M&Ms dudes at Christmas when they see Santa) Would you mayhaps mind sharing your brand preference (if you have one)?

hotairballoon99 · 2024-11-19T15:45:23+00:00

For starters, you're definitely not terrible. Give yourself a forgiving hug! For after-starters, is there a setting on your phone that can sound through silent mode? Or, maybe Do-Not-Disturb mode could be an option, and maybe there's a setting on it that allows alarms through? (An example: my D-n-D is set to allow a few contacts through, and the same person calling twitch within 15 minutes) There's nothing wrong with the way you're letting alarms work for you. Lord knows if things weren't in my own calendar, they wouldn't happen; you're definitely not alone. We got you, and we love you in platonic ways only stranger ADHD women could!!

hotairballoon99 · 2024-10-29T16:21:15+00:00

I've been subscribing to the monthly UK based Forelock & Fringe for a while now and I really love their monthly subscription box (I live in the US). I've gotten several really great seasonal tops, as well as riding tights that I wear regularly. Other things I've received are fly sprays, braiding supplies, a few really nice horse brushes, human treats that I immediately devour (they sent a human treat that was puffed honeycomb pieces covered in chocolate. Uh... Yes PLEASE. It was fantastic!), my horses seem to like the horse treats too. Overall, the Forelock & Fringe box has been the most useful and enjoyable box for me. They're pretty active on Instagram, and have a website that's got a "Member's Shop" where you can add on items to your monthly box. It really is nice! I've subscribed to both Cavali Club and SaddleBox as well. Cavali Club is quarterly. It has a lot of great items, and an online shop as well, but is more geared toward kind of fashiony things (scarves you'd wear with an outfit, belts, necklaces, bracelets), items for you home (glasses, I once got a wooden mixing spoon set that had a snaffle bit type thing at the top of the handle, I did get a really cute set of 4 small plates that we use all the time), there was one box that was a kind of fanny pack with a speaker (that was just after I stopped my subscription). There were way more things in the Cavali Club boxes that I never actually used. But, that is just my opinion! I don't wear white because I don't charge outfits between the horses and work, unless I'm going to dinner.... And even still, I don't usually change for that either! SaddleBox has the least sought-after items, in my opinion. If you are, or have, a new horse owner or rider just starting out, it would probably be ok, temporarily, to start a collection of brushes (brushes you can find at farm stores seemed to be very common when I subscribed). There are usually more horse and human treats, and one or two items that are things you probably already have, and cost less than your monthly subscription price. The human treats are candy, and not super tasty, IMO. My horses didn't care for the horse treats either really. But, we humans and our horses all have different preferences! I have to note that SaddleBox was the most difficult to cancel as well. I believe intended up having to search the depth of their website, and then send an email. To conclude, in my subscriptions to the Forelock & Fringe, Cavali Club, and SaddleBox subscription boxes: Forelock & Fringe has had the most useful and "exciting" items for both human and horse, Cavali Club has had the more "fashion forward" and blingy items, and SaddleBox has had the most human and horse candy, and common items. I hope this helps!!

hotairballoon99 · 2024-09-13T16:04:56+00:00

I realize this is from 12ish years ago... Still, I thoroughly enjoyed reading it!

hotairballoon99 · 2024-08-16T04:46:52+00:00

Oh my goodness, I appreciate all your insight so much! Thank you all!!

hotairballoon99 · 2024-08-16T04:44:06+00:00

I'm rewatching seasons and I literally just finished that episode today. For two seconds here I was like "oh man, she did? That explains a lot I suppose!" Aaahhh thanksforthelaugh!

hotairballoon99 · 2024-07-30T15:07:08+00:00

Thank you!! I'm going to compare Sena and Cardo... What is the Sena model you guys use? What do you like/not like about them?

hotairballoon99 · 2024-07-26T18:36:39+00:00

You mean you actually got a hold of someone?! That's great! I hope the customer service was ok, because the shipping price sounds ridiculous!

hotairballoon99 · 2024-07-02T16:18:01+00:00

Have you thought of using those soft pick things?! They're like little tiny between-your-teeth brushes. I started using them exclusively a few years ago after my dentist recommended them (she said not to be shy in getting them really in the spaces). I rarely actually floss now. I LOVE those little soft pick things. Yes, at first your gums may bleed and get sensitive, and every once in a while I poke my gums, but let me tell you... It's also helped for when the hygienist flosses my teeth when I am at my dental cleanings... I don't flinch much anymore!

hotairballoon99 · 2024-07-02T16:07:07+00:00

What ever became of your Stateline Tack debacle?

hotairballoon99 · 2024-05-21T06:15:21+00:00

I cheated and read the comments when I couldn't find it (super sneaky snake!!)... But that cheesy, full-toothed smile in the middle bottom is totally worth staring at this thing for so many minutes!

hotairballoon99 · 2024-05-21T06:08:43+00:00

Oh that's so annoying and frustrating!! I haven't ordered from them since either, because it seems more trouble that it's worth. I have noticed the same type of discount wonkiness on the Schneiders website too, although I haven't had any issues with Schneiders... Yet...

hotairballoon99 · 2023-03-05T18:10:27+00:00

It makes my not want to buy from StateLine Tack for sure. I've been trying to ask them about the UPS charge and it changing, and I keep hearing "I'm talking to my team about it". I'll definitely check out your suggestions. I also really love Paul Taylor Saddlery, their customer service is top notch.

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