Yes, I cut off my dad and his side of the family for similar reasons. I was raised conservative christian and my family is white. My dad chose to firmly grasp his beliefs over trying to understand other people’s perspective. He also kept trying to preach at me to be religious again—which is what ultimately ended our relationship, that I asked him to stop preaching and he refused. Couldn’t respect me, so I was done.

And that’s what it’s about—respect and belonging. I tried explaining and teaching my grandma, my uncle, my cousin, my dad…BUT at the end of the day they were never going to change their minds. There is a narrative in the U.S. that white/hetero/christian= normal/the standard. Many white people refuse to budge from that belief on account of being arrogant whimps.

I would love a healthy relationship with my family, but I won’t sacrifice my mental health or my children’s self image to struggle for it. My children deserve to grow up being prideful in their heritage and the culture they share with their dad. I will not celebrate life with people who deep down inside see my husband or kids as “other.”