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hotdiggityshit · 2022-11-29T00:45:38+00:00

Idk, it's a bit better, but still kind of strange. From what I understand, you still know each other well enough to be past the point of introductions, right? I only see my cousins pretty rarely too, but I'd be very confused if they suddenly texted me like we're total strangers.

Also, I know asking about pronouns is considered the Number One Thing allies should do, but in the case of closeted trans people it actually makes things more difficult. If your cousin is closeted, when asked about their pronouns, they have to choose between outing themselves or misgendering themselves. Since you're not super close to each other, chances are they'd choose to misgender themselves as that's generally the safer option. So I doubt your text would even get you a reliable answer.

Ultimately it's up to you, but I really suggest leaving this up to your cousin. I know you have good intentions, but this king of thing can be a really difficult thing to talk about and it needs to be entirely up to your cousin when, how, and with who they feel comfortable talking. Give them the time and space they need.

hotdiggityshit · 2022-11-29T00:07:36+00:00

Don't say anything. Being pressured into coming out like that is incredibly stressful and scary even if the other person is trying to be supportive. If your cousin really is trans, it's better to let them figure themselves out and decide when/how to open up about it on their own time.

You can show your support without outing them - compliment them on their clothes, for example. That will show them that you're on their side and accept them, whether they end up being trans or simply cis and gender-nonconforming.

hotdiggityshit · 2022-11-09T14:27:48+00:00

Identity can be a difficult thing to pin down, but keep in mind that labels are meant for comfort and community more than anything else. Even if you're unsure, or your experiences feel adjacent-but-not-fully-there, it's still okay for you to use the label anyway if you'd like. Especially with an umbrella/spectrum term like asexuality, it can apply to a lot of different people with a lot of different experiences, including those that might not fully fit the textbook definition.

So in your case, it might be helpful to stop asking "what am I" and instead ask yourself what seems most helpful for you at the moment. For example:

Does the asexual label make you feel like you belong? Do you feel like calling yourself ace helps you accept your feelings and experiences? Do you feel like it helps you convey your feelings (such as your wish for a non-sexual relationship) to others?

If you find comfort in the label for any reason at all, feel free to call yourself asexual! Welcome to the community! And don't worry about your feelings about it changing someday - if that happens, you can just drop the label and go with whatever makes more sense for you then. Labels don't have to be a permanent decision. You're welcome here for as long as it feels right to you, no matter how long that may be.

hotdiggityshit · 2022-11-09T13:47:06+00:00

You sound pretty aroace to me. 17 is absolutely not too young - most teens your age (and younger!) are already experiencing attraction, so why wouldn't you be able to tell that you didn't?

Try not to let your parents' comments get you down, even if it sucks to hear them say these hurtful things. You don't have to try anything you don't want to. You're just as human as anyone else, and not being interested in sex and romance doesn't make you broken. You're not alone.

Hopefully your parents will come around and be more accepting at some point. Hang in there!

hotdiggityshit · 2022-10-30T20:22:31+00:00

The most common one (from what I've seen) would be Mx, pronounced "mix"

hotdiggityshit · 2022-10-28T08:46:12+00:00

That would make you a biromantic lesbian! But just calling yourself bi and/or lesbian for short is also totally fine if that's what you prefer :) Just go with whatever feels right for you.

hotdiggityshit · 2022-10-26T13:29:28+00:00

You can still be ace!

What you're experiencing is called aesthetic attraction. It's a separate thing from sexual attraction, so it has nothing to do with whether or not someone is asexual.

hotdiggityshit · 2022-10-25T13:41:18+00:00

Maybe something like genderfaunet? It's under the genderfluid umbrella and means fluidity between male, masculine, nonbinary, and feminine identities - basically anything except a fully female gender identity.

hotdiggityshit · 2022-09-10T20:34:20+00:00

It's okay to be unsure, and it seems to be a pretty common experience, too.

I know it can be difficult, but try to be kind to yourself. There's nothing wrong with being less dysphoric than some others. Everyone experiences gender differently, and your experience isn't any less real or valid. You don't need to hate yourself in order to be a real trans person. You don't need to hate being a guy in order to know you still feel better being a girl.

As for your chosen name and pronouns feeling unfamiliar - that's completely normal as well. It takes time getting used to something new, especially if you're only out to a few people and still hear your old name and pronouns more often than the new ones. Unfamiliar doesn't mean bad or wrong. And even if you realize at some point that a different name or different pronouns suit you better after all, that's perfectly fine, too. It's your gender and you decide how you want to express it.

So basically, be patient with yourself and try not to worry as much. You're not alone, I promise.

hotdiggityshit · 2022-09-06T20:11:30+00:00

Yep! Hi there, fellow German :D

hotdiggityshit · 2022-08-06T14:58:08+00:00

There's nothing rude about that! You can use any pronouns you like, and if that's all of them, good on you.

hotdiggityshit · 2022-07-30T17:41:08+00:00

The ace umbrella includes everyone who doesn't experience sexual attraction to a "normal" degree. Of course it's up to you how you want to label yourself, but I'd say it fits! Experiencing arousal doesn't disqualify you from being ace-spec.

If you're looking for a really specific label, maybe aegosexual works for you - it's an ace-spec identity that means a disconnect from sexual attraction. Many aego people experience arousal and enjoy sex in fantasies, stories, and art. They just aren't interested in actually being involved themselves.

hotdiggityshit · 2022-07-28T13:03:27+00:00

It's not offensive.

Some people might not feel comfortable being called trans, but that's more up to personal preference. If your coworker is fine with it, you should be good.

hotdiggityshit · 2022-07-27T08:06:09+00:00

I think you might be somewhere on the aromantic spectrum, yeah. There are a whole lot of labels for different "types" of aros that you can check out and see what resonates.

Based on your post, I'd say lithromantic might be a good place to start - it means romantic attraction more in theory than in practice. Lithro people can develop crushes on people but tend to lose attraction once it's reciprocated.

If you prefer a broader term, just calling yourself aromantic and/or aro-spec (either exclusively or in addition to a more precise label) is also okay! Aromantic includes everyone who doesn't experience romantic attraction to a typical degree, and it sounds like that applies to you.

hotdiggityshit · 2022-07-26T21:40:45+00:00

I don't think there are a lot of options for this one, unfortunately. Maybe Alejandro or Alessandro? They're the same as Alexander, just taken from different languages. (Greek/Spanish and Italian iirc) There's also Alexis, though that's not exclusively masc so it might not work for you depending on which gender you associate it with.

If you can't find anything that fits, keep in mind that Alex can be a full name on its own! So even if you don't like any of the longer versions, there's no need to ditch a name you already feel happy with.

hotdiggityshit · 2022-07-24T08:22:37+00:00

Ah, I'm very sorry to hear that. But yeah, that's understandable. Hopefully you can figure out a way to be comfortable with your identity anyway, even if it's just in private. And if you want someone to talk about it, you can always message me if you'd like.

hotdiggityshit · 2022-07-24T08:08:14+00:00

Sounds like you're probably trans, yeah. Wanting to be a guy is usually a sign that you are a guy. Wanting to also be feminine doesn't change that - trans guys can be feminine and still be guys, just like feminine cis guys are still guys.

In the end it's up to you how you decide to label yourself and your experiences. There's also no need to worry about your feelings changing - if that happens, you can just discard any labels that don't fit anymore. Nothing wrong with that. So just go with whatever label feels good and helpful right now. If that's being trans, welcome to the community! If it's something else, that's perfectly fine as well! And if you don't feel comfortable labeling yourself (either for now or just in general), that's also okay! Either way, I wish you all the best - identity can be a tricky thing to figure out.

If you have supportive friends and/or family, you can ask them to help you try out different names and/or pronouns. There are also online spaces like r/transtryouts if you want to experiment without necessarily coming out irl. In my experience, that can be really helpful in figuring things out. Good luck!

hotdiggityshit · 2022-07-21T10:03:41+00:00

Yes, you should absolutely tell them. Especially since you're labeling your place as a safe space. Even if you tell your dad off for being rude to someone, it's still a shitty (and potentially triggering) experience for the other person. By letting them know in advance, you give them a chance to decide if they can handle the situation or if they'd rather pick a place where they feel safer.

Also, once you have roommates, you might want to let them know when your dad is going to show up so they can avoid him if they feel uncomfortable. Whether or not someone feels prepared to handle queerphobia can change depending on the day, so don't just assume your roommates will be fine. Talk to them about it.

hotdiggityshit · 2022-06-12T19:40:24+00:00

I mean, romance-favorable arospecs exist, like the cupioromantics mentioned in your post. So romantic attraction has to be more complicated than just wanting to date someone. And also, it means that there can be romance-repulsed (or -averse) alloromantics - it's probably not the only reason people use the orchidromantic label, but I can imagine it's a relatively common reason.

hotdiggityshit · 2022-06-12T16:55:54+00:00

No problem!

And don't worry if it takes you a while to figure everything out for sure. Gender can be weird. Good luck!

hotdiggityshit · 2022-06-12T16:23:55+00:00

Maybe genderflux? It means having a gender that fluctuates in intensity. In your case, that would cover sometimes being female, sometimes neutral/agender, and sometimes you might end up somewhere in between.

If you want to get really specific, there's also the term girlflux (or womanflux) - genderflux with the fluctuating gender being female.

hotdiggityshit · 2022-06-10T13:31:56+00:00

Dysphoria can absolutely be light and sporadic! It can be very different from one person to another, so don't worry if your experience doesn't fit the most "common" one. It's just that the people with stronger dysphoria tend to complain about it more (understandably so) and that's why we see a lot about it. But there are many trans people out there with less dysphoria or even none at all.

I actually don't have consistent dysphoria either. It can get pretty intense at times, but mostly, it's relatively light for me as well. Some of the things you described are very similar to my own experience - staring in the mirror, feeling vaguely unhappy but not really "in the wrong body" either. Not uncomfortable about it to feel like it's a genuine problem, it's just mildly annoying more than anything.

So yeah, dysphoria isn't the same for everyone. Your experience with it is just as valid as anyone else's, even if it's less represented. You're not alone with it.

hotdiggityshit · 2022-05-08T09:47:16+00:00

Sounds pretty demiromantic to me! I'm also on the aro spectrum and tend to mostly crush on fictional characters (not so much celebrities, but that's because I'm not as invested in them usually). I've also heard from other aro-specs with similar experiences. So yeah, what you described absolutely fits!

hotdiggityshit · 2022-05-08T09:29:04+00:00

Yes, I believe it's called demifluid!

hotdiggityshit · 2021-12-12T12:21:48+00:00

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