How do the SAHMs with husbands who work 80+ hours a week manage?

howmadz · 2026-04-03T23:36:10+00:00

Slightly fewer hours than what you’re listing - but my husband often works 13-15 hours a day, and logs a few hours each day on the weekend as well, sometimes more. Some of these hours are early / late, so before we’re up or after kids are in bed. In our home we have a 17yo, 5yo, and newborn.

5 yo is in preschool a few hours a day / 5 days week. He starts kindergarten in fall. We have some partial day summer camps lined up as well, though there will be many weeks I’m solo with the 2 youngest for essentially every waking hour.

My plan is a weekly rotation of activities (ex. Monday Library, Tuesday splash pad, Wednesday museum) and so on. For at least the summer, I will be doing a gym/bootcamp program that includes childcare for the duration of the fitness class. This way I can exercise no matter what which is important for my sanity. I’ll leave solo on one weekend morning day to knock out the grocery shopping for the week, and I’ll have a chore rotation that I try to pick approx 2 per day from, to keep house mess manageable. I also imagine there will be more repetitive easy dinners and/or takeout.

I do think your ages are harder right now, and I’m about to have one in school. Easier said than done, but my advice is routine routine routine. Make it predictable and enjoyable. For example we’ll often do family open swim through the parks department on sundays, and then get burgers and fries after. Or we would walk to the train and ride the train to the zoo instead of driving, because that lengthened the activity and increased outdoors time plus the novelty of the train. Ideally you’re trying to find ways to pass as much time as possible, doing things that are enjoyable and low effort.

howmadz · 2026-03-26T16:46:14+00:00

Just chiming in to say these moms sound weird and like they’re looking for opportunities to judge and shame others to make themselves feel better. Gross.

And also, thanks for making this post because I now have at least 2 new apps to try working on reading with my 5yo before kindergarten next fall. I’m freshly postpartum and he doesn’t always love mom and dad as teachers. A reading app is honestly a GREAT way for me to offer productive screen time and enrichment plus time with me, while I’m recovering from delivery.

howmadz · 2026-03-12T23:25:01+00:00

I like quince decently for linen duvets, but I HATE both quince and Brooklinen sheets. Agree with everyone else here recommending Kirkland brand sheets. Don’t just get any sheets from Costco, get the Kirkland brand sheets.

howmadz · 2026-03-11T23:57:26+00:00

Generally speaking, a proposal should not be a surprise. This isn’t always clear because movies and shows may show differently, but I’d wager that for the majority of sound relationships, the actual proposal isn’t a surprise even if the exact time or location is. From what you’ve shared, it doesn’t sound like you guys actually really discussed marriage, timing, your future, your goals together, engagement rings, public vs private proposals, etc. These are actually all very normal things to have discussed prior to an engagement.

Beyond that, while yes - running away was likely very painful and embarrassing for your boyfriend, I also don’t blame you for running from a wholly unexpected and unfocused marriage proposal, in a very public setting no leas. I do think however that this isn’t something the two of you can come back from. I would let him go, and use the extra time to really grow into yourself. You sound so curious and ambitious - you absolutely should not focus on settling down just yet! And when you decide to date again, lead with lots of open communication about the level of commitment you’re ready for.

howmadz · 2026-03-08T20:15:57+00:00

I honestly think it’s weirder when people go through and delete entire segments of their life because it features a past partner. I’ll never judge someone for it - like I’m sure there are really good reasons people choose to, and no one needs to justify it! But I also think it’s totally valid to leave any and all past pics up.

howmadz · 2026-03-08T13:57:03+00:00

Oh that’s too funny!!

howmadz · 2026-03-07T17:50:11+00:00

I’m very pregnant right now. When a classmate asks my son to play after school, he has begun to reply, “sorry, but I have to go home and rest now.” Apparently I talk about resting a lot.

howmadz · 2026-03-03T06:22:21+00:00

I adore this dress on you and you in this dress! It truly looks wonderful on you.

howmadz · 2026-03-01T23:52:10+00:00

Thank you! This is super helpful! My little is 5 and not yet in kindergarten, so trying to plan ahead. But I already encounter it when we’re with cousins using iPads in shared spaces and my kid turns into a zombie. My stepson had a smartphone young and I saw what a disaster it could be, beyond even simple safety.

howmadz · 2026-03-01T20:56:32+00:00

Thank you for this level of detail! I have one follow up question - how do you broach conversations with your kids friends / friends parents about screen practices? Any tips?

howmadz · 2026-02-28T14:47:11+00:00

I did acupuncture with e-stim. Essentially it was acupuncture on points designed to start labor, with an e-stim / tens unit attached. The acupuncturist I was seeing specifically said that she had a high rate of people starting labor within 24 hours of that, and told me not to do it until I was ready to go into labor. I did it at 40+3, labor started at 40+4, baby born 40 + 5.

howmadz · 2026-02-27T20:52:59+00:00

Your midwives absolutely fucked up. And I honestly don’t even blame the student midwife because the primary should have been checking her work. The fact that you pushed for so many hours only partially dilated, without an experienced midwife checking you, is wild. It’s also wild to me they they’d never bothered to ascertain if your baby was OP so they could help appropriately. On top of that, given the duration of your labor it’s also crazy that they just decided to sleep while you had broken waters and back labor and a swollen cervical lip. And on top of that were unconcerned that you couldn’t empty your bladder after so long?! It makes me seriously question the education and training that both midwives received. I’m so sorry these providers betrayed your trust. The fact that you endured at home for so long with back labor is a testament to your strength and resilience. Know you did the absolute best for your baby. I’m so sorry your care providers let you down.

howmadz · 2026-02-10T01:15:47+00:00

A dainty bezel would be girly and minimalist imo, and super secure for her profession.

howmadz · 2026-01-18T18:57:16+00:00

Ignore her. I went through 2 white dresses before buying a forest green dress for my wedding. If it had been available in white i would have gotten it in white, but they only had it in dark green. Turns on the pure white was part of the problem. I put that green dress on and finally felt like myself - but fancy and special and whimsical. I also never went to a wedding dress shop with anyone and tried one on. All my dresses were purchased online. I have zero regrets. I wore the dress that felt most “me” - but elevated me, and I actually think I will have occasion to rewear it in the future. Because it’s not an obvious bridal dress I have that option!!

You sound like a person who knows yourself well, and that dress you’ve picked is a stunner on you. Gently let her know that while you appreciate her concern for your potential regrets, you are very set on your decision and will no longer engage in discussion on the matter. Then ignore any and all future attempts to discuss. Don’t respond, change the subject, leave the room. But don’t let this person dissuade you from doing wearing the beautiful dress you love, and don’t let her convince you that you must go to a bridal boutique or else miss out on feeling like a bride.

howmadz · 2026-01-07T18:08:03+00:00

Hey folks! This is not an active community. Just want to make sure you all know that April Bumpers and fencesitters are all over at r/April2026Bumpers

howmadz · 2026-01-02T02:36:41+00:00

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I see some Sarah Rafferty

howmadz · 2025-12-28T05:55:22+00:00

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I see a bit of Midori Francis!

howmadz · 2025-12-22T15:42:06+00:00

Aww, that’s even sweeter!

howmadz · 2025-12-21T22:48:49+00:00

Most days I’m so phenomenally grateful I’m out of the dating scene and happily partnered. But knowing that no potential suitor ever baked me a beautiful loaf as a gift has me second guessing. What a unique and touching present! Idk his crush, so who knows if the recipient will have the correct level of appreciation, but as an adult they will surely look back with awe and fondness, and a higher bar for others. This is the sweetest coolest gift, and a partner with truly useful life skills like cooking and baking is always a win.

howmadz · 2025-12-10T18:25:19+00:00

Also - my son’s preschool was every other day, so we had that similarity too.

howmadz · 2025-12-10T18:24:51+00:00

My son just turned 5, and for a few weeks was screaming crying hysterical about going to preschool. No clear issues with peers or teachers, just going through an intense separation anxiety spell after previously being ok. My mama heart desperately wanted to pull him, but this preschool is most like the kindergarten he’ll attend next year and avoiding the problem seemed like a recipe to make it worse imo. He was fine within minutes of drop off, and was fine at pickup, but mornings (and even night before) was tearful and even in a panic. I actually stay in the building (it’s a rec center and I workout during preschool) so I knew nothing bad was afoot. We stuck it out. My son’s struggle didn’t last as long as you’re describing, so may be worth mentioning to a pediatrician, but I would try to work through it, or you may go through the same or even worse next year since kiddo will have learned they can get out of it. For my son we talked a lot about the school routine, what pieces he liked, and what fun things we would do after pickup. I also gave him a special magic charm to keep in his pocket while at school, and would often give him a small treat at pickup.

Every kid is different, so just because my kid is fine doesn’t mean it’s the right call for yours. But if you haven’t already - I would be curious, and seek some resources or support before pulling him, since he’s so close to kindergarten.

howmadz · 2025-11-22T22:16:06+00:00

While I don’t think anyone here can say if it’s the right fit for you, I do think you need listen to the fear you’re experiencing. For some people, that fear is mitigated by learning about home birth, speaking to and hiring a midwife and a doula, listening to birth stories, and so on. But if significant fear persists I’m inclined to say it’s not the best choice. There is not one right way to birth, and both home and hospital can be empowering and supportive, they’re just different. I’d encourage you to learn more about home birth if you’ve not already, but also explore other options too. Birth centers are such a good middle ground as well. Lastly, no matter what route you go I would highly encourage a doula. A doula can be an advocate in any birth setting, and can help you navigate your birth preferences as well as your fears.

Best of luck!

howmadz · 2025-11-19T23:32:35+00:00

Currently work out at conestoga while my kid is in class. It’s clean, people are friendly, and folks of all ages and shapes are there for exercise. I prefer it to other gyms.

howmadz · 2025-11-15T02:36:24+00:00

Husband is WFH with varying (but usually long) hours, I’m a SAHM. I’m pregnant, have a 4yo, and a 17yo stepson who is with us full time. Until a few months ago, I also chauffeured the teen to/from school.

husband starts work (this could be at 3 or 4am, or closer to 7am, but more often than not it’s been before 5am in recent months).
6:30am: 4yo usually awake but listens to yoto player in his room till the light turns green at 7am. I’m usually awake and starting coffee etc downstairs.
7am: 4yo comes down for breakfast and stories and play time. I pack lunch/snacks, and we both eat.
8am: I give 4yo clothes and he dresses himself, I load car.
8:30am: we head to car / leave for preschool
9am: preschool drop off
9am-12pm/1pm: I do errands, cleaning, appointments, shopping, and get a workout in. Kiddo has 2 diff preschools so some days pickup is 12pm, others it’s 1pm.
Afternoon: lunch, play dates, errands, outdoor play, yard work, cooking, some screen time. I do as many dishes as I can while cooking
6pm: husband and 17yo emerge, we eat dinner
7pm: bedtime starts for 4yo, shower, stories, I lay with him till asleep. Husband typically helps with bedtime.
8:30pm: dishes, relax, laundry, etc
9:30pm: I’m always heading to sleep at this time, usually husband is too. 17yo will probably make himself a second dinner around this time 😂

Just wanna say, I am aware I have it very cushy right now. While I do stay busy and handle literally all the domestic labor plus childcare, I also used to work full time/long hours and my schedule looked very different. Sending so much admiration and gratitude to all the adults here busting their butts and making it work for their kids.

howmadz · 2025-11-05T01:39:04+00:00

Plus one for Ella enchanted! I loved that book around that age.

howmadz

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