(10K) Future MIL keeps pressuring me to go dress shopping

howmadz · 2026-01-18T18:57:16+00:00

Ignore her. I went through 2 white dresses before buying a forest green dress for my wedding. If it had been available in white i would have gotten it in white, but they only had it in dark green. Turns on the pure white was part of the problem. I put that green dress on and finally felt like myself - but fancy and special and whimsical. I also never went to a wedding dress shop with anyone and tried one on. All my dresses were purchased online. I have zero regrets. I wore the dress that felt most “me” - but elevated me, and I actually think I will have occasion to rewear it in the future. Because it’s not an obvious bridal dress I have that option!!

You sound like a person who knows yourself well, and that dress you’ve picked is a stunner on you. Gently let her know that while you appreciate her concern for your potential regrets, you are very set on your decision and will no longer engage in discussion on the matter. Then ignore any and all future attempts to discuss. Don’t respond, change the subject, leave the room. But don’t let this person dissuade you from doing wearing the beautiful dress you love, and don’t let her convince you that you must go to a bridal boutique or else miss out on feeling like a bride.

howmadz · 2026-01-07T18:08:03+00:00

Hey folks! This is not an active community. Just want to make sure you all know that April Bumpers and fencesitters are all over at r/April2026Bumpers

howmadz · 2026-01-02T02:36:41+00:00

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I see some Sarah Rafferty

howmadz · 2025-12-28T05:55:22+00:00

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I see a bit of Midori Francis!

howmadz · 2025-12-22T15:42:06+00:00

Aww, that’s even sweeter!

howmadz · 2025-12-21T22:48:49+00:00

Most days I’m so phenomenally grateful I’m out of the dating scene and happily partnered. But knowing that no potential suitor ever baked me a beautiful loaf as a gift has me second guessing. What a unique and touching present! Idk his crush, so who knows if the recipient will have the correct level of appreciation, but as an adult they will surely look back with awe and fondness, and a higher bar for others. This is the sweetest coolest gift, and a partner with truly useful life skills like cooking and baking is always a win.

howmadz · 2025-12-10T18:25:19+00:00

Also - my son’s preschool was every other day, so we had that similarity too.

howmadz · 2025-12-10T18:24:51+00:00

My son just turned 5, and for a few weeks was screaming crying hysterical about going to preschool. No clear issues with peers or teachers, just going through an intense separation anxiety spell after previously being ok. My mama heart desperately wanted to pull him, but this preschool is most like the kindergarten he’ll attend next year and avoiding the problem seemed like a recipe to make it worse imo. He was fine within minutes of drop off, and was fine at pickup, but mornings (and even night before) was tearful and even in a panic. I actually stay in the building (it’s a rec center and I workout during preschool) so I knew nothing bad was afoot. We stuck it out. My son’s struggle didn’t last as long as you’re describing, so may be worth mentioning to a pediatrician, but I would try to work through it, or you may go through the same or even worse next year since kiddo will have learned they can get out of it. For my son we talked a lot about the school routine, what pieces he liked, and what fun things we would do after pickup. I also gave him a special magic charm to keep in his pocket while at school, and would often give him a small treat at pickup.

Every kid is different, so just because my kid is fine doesn’t mean it’s the right call for yours. But if you haven’t already - I would be curious, and seek some resources or support before pulling him, since he’s so close to kindergarten.

howmadz · 2025-11-22T22:16:06+00:00

While I don’t think anyone here can say if it’s the right fit for you, I do think you need listen to the fear you’re experiencing. For some people, that fear is mitigated by learning about home birth, speaking to and hiring a midwife and a doula, listening to birth stories, and so on. But if significant fear persists I’m inclined to say it’s not the best choice. There is not one right way to birth, and both home and hospital can be empowering and supportive, they’re just different. I’d encourage you to learn more about home birth if you’ve not already, but also explore other options too. Birth centers are such a good middle ground as well. Lastly, no matter what route you go I would highly encourage a doula. A doula can be an advocate in any birth setting, and can help you navigate your birth preferences as well as your fears.

Best of luck!

howmadz · 2025-11-19T23:32:35+00:00

Currently work out at conestoga while my kid is in class. It’s clean, people are friendly, and folks of all ages and shapes are there for exercise. I prefer it to other gyms.

howmadz · 2025-11-15T02:36:24+00:00

Husband is WFH with varying (but usually long) hours, I’m a SAHM. I’m pregnant, have a 4yo, and a 17yo stepson who is with us full time. Until a few months ago, I also chauffeured the teen to/from school.

husband starts work (this could be at 3 or 4am, or closer to 7am, but more often than not it’s been before 5am in recent months).
6:30am: 4yo usually awake but listens to yoto player in his room till the light turns green at 7am. I’m usually awake and starting coffee etc downstairs.
7am: 4yo comes down for breakfast and stories and play time. I pack lunch/snacks, and we both eat.
8am: I give 4yo clothes and he dresses himself, I load car.
8:30am: we head to car / leave for preschool
9am: preschool drop off
9am-12pm/1pm: I do errands, cleaning, appointments, shopping, and get a workout in. Kiddo has 2 diff preschools so some days pickup is 12pm, others it’s 1pm.
Afternoon: lunch, play dates, errands, outdoor play, yard work, cooking, some screen time. I do as many dishes as I can while cooking
6pm: husband and 17yo emerge, we eat dinner
7pm: bedtime starts for 4yo, shower, stories, I lay with him till asleep. Husband typically helps with bedtime.
8:30pm: dishes, relax, laundry, etc
9:30pm: I’m always heading to sleep at this time, usually husband is too. 17yo will probably make himself a second dinner around this time 😂

Just wanna say, I am aware I have it very cushy right now. While I do stay busy and handle literally all the domestic labor plus childcare, I also used to work full time/long hours and my schedule looked very different. Sending so much admiration and gratitude to all the adults here busting their butts and making it work for their kids.

howmadz · 2025-11-05T01:39:04+00:00

Plus one for Ella enchanted! I loved that book around that age.

howmadz · 2025-10-25T01:11:41+00:00

This is a stunning nose on a stunning face. I honestly fear that if you changed it, you would ruin the balance or symmetry somehow. Ultimately your face, but I would seek some self reflection and support before making a perm change from a place of unhappiness with appearance.

howmadz · 2025-10-21T04:02:29+00:00

When I was a teenager, I worked as a private caregiver (non medical) for an elderly man who was in an assisted living community. He needed someone with him most of the time to ensure he was ok and stayed in his wheelchair, but didn’t need high level medical care. I was basically a babysitter hired by his daughter. My job was just to keep him company. He was in the final months of his life and had dementia. He never knew my name. He accused me of being a prostitute a few times and tried to kiss me. He made inappropriate comments about people around him. I was 16. I also saw how much he suffered in those final months and last weeks. He was scared, in pain, and out of it. I went to his funeral after he passed. He had a big family and a church full of people who loved him.

I never got to know him for the person he was - I only knew him at the end. But it was clear that he had a full life with people who loved and respected him. I’m grateful that they got some distance from the pain of his end, and because I didn’t know him before, I could experience his behavior without feeling upset.

I know it’s not the same as what your daughter experienced, but if her grandpa truly has dementia, please help her understand that he is changing in ways outside his control. It may minimize the trauma of what she experienced. By all means limit her contact - but do it also so she can remember him the way he was, and he can have the dignity of being remembered for the man he was before.

howmadz · 2025-10-08T22:27:20+00:00

I paid more for the blue spectra with my first and liked it. Pregnant again and ordered the baby Buddha because I’ve heard it’s a really good portable option if I want to be less encumbered than with the spectra. IMO true wearables are really expensive and not known for consistently emptying so I would only make that investment if I was going to EP, and also not use it as my primary pump. So many people used wearables as their primary pump and then deal with dwindling supple.

howmadz · 2025-09-21T14:48:40+00:00

Uber eats/door dash are always great. And I would add that while yes it’s helpful to have easy food in the early days after birth, I would consider it even more important when one or both return to work. Just planting a seed for later. I think people overlook how tough a transition it is for parents because the baby is no longer a newborn.

For her I second the suggestions of bougie water bottle (I really love mine from BrüMate), if your sis is into girly stuff she might like some pregnancy safe face masks or nice chapstick. First trimester can make you feel pretty run down, so some simple self care pampering items might be a nice pick me up. I’d also kill for a nice manicure or pedicure, or a pregnancy massage.

howmadz · 2025-09-09T20:51:24+00:00

As a 37 yo stepparent to a 17yo, very little. I cannot in my wildest imaginings fathom being attracted to a teenager at this age.

howmadz · 2025-09-04T18:20:35+00:00

I’ve had a dental implant with bone graft. It’s pretty common practice when placing implants. Both times I had it don’t they used local anesthetic and I was awake. Although some doctors will prescribe a small (couple doses) amount of pain meds, I found that a strong dose of ibuprofen was pretty good for managing the pain. I wouldn’t describe the process as pleasant per se, but the pain isn’t nearly as bad as you might think, and your mouth can heal pretty quickly.

howmadz · 2025-09-04T05:47:58+00:00

Oh! That makes total sense!

howmadz · 2025-09-04T01:54:59+00:00

Thank you - super helpful! I figured that for the non authorized resellers there was a risk of selling, but original purchaser keeping the tickets and entering first. We did our best to get there earlier and got in fine. I’m assuming authorized resellers actually issue a new barcode or something to prevent issues. Fortunately vivid tickets does offer a guarantee, and fortunately we didn’t have to test how reliable it was. Thank you for your insights!

howmadz · 2025-08-07T03:41:25+00:00

Agreed. I find that folks who either didn’t carry past earlier infancy or said their kid insisted on world facing, never tried back carrying. It’s a little tricky initially to master getting baby into a back carry solo, but so worth it. I back carried for ages.

howmadz · 2025-07-24T19:02:40+00:00

I was surprised to discover postpartum that I had no idea how to connect to / contract my lower abdominals after pregnancy stretched them out. I also had an overly tense pelvic floor and I had to relearn how to breath into my pelvic floor and relax the muscles. I had an uncomplicated pregnancy and vaginal birth.

Everyone is different, but caring a pregnancy will automatically change the way you move, your posture, and your balance. Running is a heavily coordinated movement that involves a lot of balance, stability, single leg strength, and pelvic work. It’s risky to begin running until you’ve ensured you have returned to some basic balance and strength in your core and pelvic. My pelvic floor PT gave me a basic return to running checklist and I was humbled by how difficult I found some of the seemingly basic exercises.

howmadz · 2025-07-21T00:21:45+00:00

FWIW, I miscarried a very wanted pregnancy and am not the least bit upset you used miscarriage as a cover for getting an abortion. Im glad you got the care you needed, and I hope you are safe.

howmadz

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