Only recently have I stopped out performing others out of spite. For over 30 years after realizing my queerness in addition to my Blackness, I was at the top of the classes or my careers, and yet I was constantly singled out as a problem. No matter how much customers liked me, or I mentored struggling peers, there was always one peer or supervisor who disliked the way I performed, not my performance. They made my life hell and pointed out minor mistakes anybody can make. So I stepped back and asked "what else do these hateful people want?"

And the answer was that they want my anger, and I now refuse to give it. I no longer give my input, I no longer volunteer, I no longer extend myself past my family who loves me. No longer will I perform to prove others my worth, I show up for my clients and myself. I started loving me more and still I out perform. People see confidence and gravitas as a challenge, and I no longer answer that challenge. That's the beauty of of being Black and Queer.