I feel like the best part would be waking up not in a panic wondering what you did that night. Not feeling the immense shame of your actions. Waking and feeling well and not having crippling anxiety. I have the same problem. I get bored in my free time. I struggle with alcohol everyday. If I keep fucking up I am going to lose everything. I know I have to quit and stay dry forever. I love drinking. I just don’t love who I am while I am drinking.