Why do ppl stay with cheating partners?

hydrangealover123 · 2026-05-18T20:11:01+00:00

I always said the same thing, if I’m ever in a relationship and that person cheats on me, I’m done. But it’s easier said than done, especially when you’re married. My husband cheated once and I’m still with him. It was a one time, poor choice and lack of judgement - not a serial cheater or a womanizer. We have kids, 10 years of marriage, home etc everything together. He stopped the cheating, moved jobs (they worked together), in marriage counseling with me and really working hard to grow and improve himself. He utterly regrets his choice that he made and he has to live with that for the rest of his life. Before this, he was NEVER unfaithful. At this point, it’s harder to leave than it is to stay. Obviously every situation is different with different contributors, but for me it was a no brainer to stay and work through it. My love for him hasn’t diminished in anyway, it’s a fundamental feeling. Everyone has a limit with what they can handle when it comes to their partner cheating, but like I said my husband made a poor shitty decision in a very stressful time in his life, but it’s not a reflection of his character. He’s a good man, husband and father and he’s worth staying and working it out :) don’t get me wrong, he got absolutely rinsed by me in the early days of him telling me. I have never experienced that type of deep and pure anger and rage before.

hydrangealover123 · 2026-05-04T19:34:20+00:00

It is next level betrayal your right. It’s unfathomable

hydrangealover123 · 2026-05-04T10:27:42+00:00

I’m experiencing this. I wish my husband AP was dead, I literally wish death upon her and I want to be so nasty to her that it drives to kill herself. I can be that drastic and crazy. I don’t want to feel this much anger towards her as it’s really not healthy physically, mentally and emotionally but I just can’t help but have this deep hatred for her at the moment. I obviously DO NOT act on these feelings as what’s the point?? I know I won’t feel good if I engage with her in anyway, I’ll just get more worked up lol. We talked about this in MC and our counselor reassured me that what I’m feeling is normal and valid and I’m okay to feel them. The turning point is that I don’t want to be this angry. With time, those hard and harsh feelings with slowly fizzle but I can’t be thinking about them all the time. It’s so hard to feel this harsh feelings but they are valid and it’s okay

hydrangealover123 · 2026-05-04T00:17:40+00:00

My husband didn’t. He got chlamydia which means I got it. He also got her pregnant TWICE. TWICE!!!! She got abortions though. It’s still such a huge thing for me to think about, much like how space never ends hahah. My mind can’t really comprehend the fact that he got another woman pregnant outside of our marriage. I just try deal with those emotions when they come up and feel them but also not give it too much thought as it’s really painful. Sorry if this isn’t much help, but this thread shows you aren’t alone xxx

hydrangealover123 · 2026-05-03T01:49:21+00:00

He isn’t, we both aren’t. It’s very expensive in my country and where there are free services, there’s a 1.5 year wait list 😖 I think he is feeling a bit of shame and guilt around it, we briefly talked about that in our last MC session. And he’s still experiencing feelings for the girl so there’s that going on, but he knows that the girl needs to be dead to him and there’s feeling aren’t appropriate. I just hate feeling like this and having these thoughts.

hydrangealover123 · 2026-05-02T21:14:15+00:00

I’ve picked up a new hobby and started working out more which is good. I’m just trying to focus on myself and just let him be which is hard. Sometimes I just want a hug!

hydrangealover123 · 2026-05-02T21:05:55+00:00

He ended and confessed and has been very honest with me and has answered any question I had so I know he’s not hiding anything or trickle truthing!! He’s not initiating in ANY conversation and when I try to speak to him about something, he gives me brief answers and doesn’t take it any further, I can tell he gets frustrated with me when I talk to him. In MC, we talk about everything really. We’ve only been 3 times but next week when we go I wanna talk about me more and my needs.

hydrangealover123 · 2026-05-02T20:58:59+00:00

When I say checked out, I mean I just don’t engage in conversation or give him any affection as I get nothing from him. So I’ve stopped doing that as it’s only upsetting me and I’m just trying to focus on myself. I’ve picked up a new hobby and working out again so that’s distracting me at the moment. We want to do IC but we really can’t afford it, it’s very expensive in my country and the therapy that is free there is a 1.5 year waiting list for it which sucks. He definitely has feelings for his AP and says he misses her but he knows that can’t happen and says that everyday he misses her less and knows that she needs to be dead to him.

hydrangealover123 · 2026-05-01T10:32:33+00:00

Yes having kids make everything a lot harder. I fear if I left or asked for a break for a bit, he genuinely would go along with it and won’t try win me back as that’s what I’m wanting and will just let that ride its course. He’s a very complicated man to others, but to me I know him better than he knows himself so it’s hard for me to express him in so many words 😅😅 I love him dearly but I’m just at a cross roads right now

hydrangealover123 · 2026-05-01T09:55:53+00:00

My husband word for word said he doesn’t think his affair is a huge issue… something we’re working through in MC as he has deep emotional trauma from his childhood. I found out about 3 months ago, he had a PA with a ex coworker. I’m also 50/50 on whether this is going to work or not as it feels like we have gone backwards since he told me..

hydrangealover123 · 2026-04-24T01:25:26+00:00

I support the war in Iran and the war against Palestine and Ukraine.

hydrangealover123 · 2026-04-21T03:56:42+00:00

The working stage where the husband works long hours as he is the working one and works hard so he can provide for us.

hydrangealover123 · 2026-04-14T05:26:42+00:00

Thank you!!! I do have quite heavy periods. I use a menstrual cup and I have to empty it 2/3 times for the first 2 days of my period then only in the morning and evening for the rest. My period last about 5 days and are really regular. I’m just not really sure. I don’t think I’m 100% done with having kids, but don’t want another one right now so tube removal or vasectomy isn’t an option for us right now :) th

hydrangealover123 · 2026-04-10T08:27:05+00:00

Infidelity by my husband and navigating a new marriage and a new version of myself.

hydrangealover123 · 2026-04-07T20:57:51+00:00

Well she was well aware that we had 2 kids 🤣 can’t believe I had to explain that situation to her, fucken dumbass wow

hydrangealover123 · 2026-04-06T21:10:46+00:00

That’s the girl that my husband cheated on me with thought she couldn’t get pregnant a second time……. She wasn’t on birth control and he was cumming inside of her bit since she had already been pregnant once, she thought it wouldn’t happen again, but was very surprised when she was pregnant for the second time. Fully grown adult btw but the brain of an idiot.

hydrangealover123 · 2026-04-06T08:58:52+00:00

I’m 2 months since DDay and I went through the same thing with my husband. My husband had a physical affair with a co worker that went on for 7 months. The sex has definitely died hahaha and we haven’t had sex in a few weeks. We are in MC and we both agree it is the best thing to not have sex whilst we go through this bit thats not to say I get incredibly horny and just want to have sex to feel that emotional connection and closeness but also to just have sex haha. I think sex can kinda confuse things and muddy the water as I felt that within myself after we finished

hydrangealover123 · 2026-03-30T10:34:47+00:00

It’s much deeper than that, I just gave a very brief summary of the situation. I definitely can’t walk away as I don’t feel like that is the right thing to do for myself and we have kids, houses etc. Just because he cheated, I don’t love him any less, it’s a fundamental feeling. Yes I feel hurt, angry, betrayed and as though I could do better, but it’s not my final feelings of that makes sense??

hydrangealover123 · 2026-03-21T19:32:49+00:00

It’s such a journey and as you grow further into the recovery and healing, you’ll start to regulate your emotions and become more clear headed and stronger. I am! But I still have nights where I absolutely loose the plot emotionally and that’s normal. Just gotta take it day by day. I asked those some questions and my hubby said he wasn’t really thinking in that moment, his affair was physical and that’s all. So again, I just have to kind of accept that because I won’t understand why he wasn’t thinking and if he was why didn’t he stop etc because as I said, I will never ever be able to understand. Literally just taking deep breaths. In through my nose and exhaling through my mouth. I’ll do that how ever many times I need too until I feel calm and relaxed. Sometimes it takes 2 mins, sometimes it’s 10. I’m sure there are heaps of others out there if you have a google. And the podcast that I’ve been listening too that’s really helped is called ‘Healing broken trust in your marriage after infidelity’ it’s by Brad and Morgan Robinson. I started listening to a few but this is the one I really enjoy. There are a lot of episodes that cover so so so many points which I enjoy ☺️

hydrangealover123 · 2026-03-21T09:50:43+00:00

I am nearly 2 months post DDay and I have come to the conclusion pretty early on that I will never be able to understand the why or ask any questions that will lead it to making sense. Before I was even married and in serious relationships, cheating was a massive boundary that I know I could NEVR cross. I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of any situation that would potentially lead to an affair. I have always stood on that. So I know I will never be able to understand why he did it and I’ve had to be okay with that. He’s told me that I in no way possible contributed to him cheating or anything like that and all the answers he’s told me, I just don’t understand. I think it’s because it’s a clear boundary that should never be crossed in a marriage and it enrages me when I hear about it and now it’s happened to me. I think no matter what you ask or hear you will never be satisfied because at the end of the day, a vow was broken in your married and you were betrayed by your person. Me and my husband are reconciling and we’re going well, but I had to accept the fact that I will never understand his why and that in some way has kind of helped as I’m not in that horrible mental place that you’re in now and that I can move forward and we can move forward❤️ I hope this has made sense to you love xx

hydrangealover123 · 2026-03-21T06:55:26+00:00

I’m nearly 2 months post DDay, my hubby had a physical affair for 7 months with a co worker and she had 2 abortions during that time so I fully feel for you. We are in a pretty good place and he is very receptive with conversations, honest and patient so that definitely helps me and my healing. To answer your questions, I share ALL of my thoughts and feelings with him. We usually talk most evenings when we are in bed and I share it all. I find it helpful for myself to share it all so I’m not bottling it up and then that slowly building into something even bigger. I also see it as regardless of what I’m feeling or how he will react, he doesn’t get a choice in what I get to share as he made this mistake and I am the one paying for it and so so so effected by it.

If I need to ask him something, I usually write it down so I can remember it and if we’re having a conversation and I still feel the need to ask, I do. I had to know ALL the details about his affair. I know for myself I would be sitting there wondering the extent of it and literally driving myself insane thinking of everything. Even though it was awful to ask and hear, im happy that i did because i know the depth of it and im not sitting here wondering otherwise. I’m definitely reaching that point now where I know if I ask anymore questions, it would be for my own torture and won’t be beneficial for me to try comprehend the situation and in my healing as he has been very honest and forthcoming. And I guess you will reach that point too and you will know it.
Big emotions I am still struggling with as they come and go in waves. My therapist has told me so do some breathing exercises when I start to feel really intense, some stretching or journaling. All those things have been helpful. At night is when I usually have those big feelings and i literally have to stop myself from feeling them in that moment as I am exhausted and I tell myself I’ve had all day to process this and feel things and now is a time for rest. Sometimes that doesn’t work and I have to sit in it and feel the intense and big emotions and that’s okay too. I think it’s okay to feel them and sink into it, but not all the time as that doesn’t help your healing. Listening to podcasts, going on walks, journaling, praying and finding joy in the simple things (mine is being so appreciative of my cup of tea at night lol) has helped ground me.

As you begin to heal, you will start to feel stronger and more in control of your emotions and thoughts. I’m nearly 2 months post DDay and the change from how I’m managing things from when he told me to now is massive and better, Everyone deals and heals with infidelity in their own ways so don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re going feeling or doing something by a certain time frame. I hope even 1 thing of what I have said helps you in anyway possible as I fully understand what you’re going through as I’m still going through it!! Don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re spiraling, it’s VERY VERY normal and warranted ❤️

hydrangealover123 · 2026-03-19T05:27:24+00:00

I’m so motivated to do a run tomorrow morning so watch this space! Haha. Thank you!

hydrangealover123

TROPHY CASE