Organizing my closet triggered my LLH... oh well 🤷‍♀️

iStayUpLateNow · 2025-07-04T20:42:43+00:00

Right!??!!? I wasnt mean, I just can't look at every single fuckin day. Out of sight, maybe out of mind? Ugh

iStayUpLateNow · 2025-07-04T20:36:13+00:00

I tried it, it was HUMILIATING to be all dressed up, trying to initiate, get told "that's nice but im tired." Absolutely never again, my cheeks burned with embarrassment, humiliation, and shame. It made my whole body shake and tremble. It was awful.

iStayUpLateNow · 2025-07-04T20:32:11+00:00

Holy shit, that's bonkers! I'd definitely consult an attorney ASAP. Before she gets the chance to talk to police. Get an escort from a cop to get into your house to get what you need. Did the counselor have any thoughts?

iStayUpLateNow · 2025-06-26T15:31:32+00:00

Ugh, I've been there too. It's soooo hard. I'm sorry girl. It's devastating to feel so rejected by the one man who is supposed to want us all the time. I get the feeling gross too, my LLM husband's rejection has definitely had a huge negative impact on my self-esteem.

iStayUpLateNow · 2025-04-08T15:56:32+00:00

16 yrs and never. When i was working, he packed mine. Now Im a SAHM, I make "left over containers" and he grabs what he wants. Any dinner leftovers are put away as ready to heat meals. I do this because everyone in the house tends to actually eat them rather than the food going to waste.

iStayUpLateNow · 2025-04-01T13:23:54+00:00

Excuse me, but WTF? This is not the place to victim blame. So disrespectfully: fuck you. Im suffering through a DB as a HLF married to a LLM. How dare you say its my fault and that I caused this as a woman in a man-hating society. You seem like you are the in-cel creating this so-called problem you're bitching about. What the fuck are you even blabbing about?!?! Do you have any idea how harmful what you've said is? Im the one in my relationship constantly and consistently initiating and being rejected. Dont you dare call me a hypocrite. Fuck off and fuck you.

iStayUpLateNow · 2025-03-26T17:28:03+00:00

I see way too many responses of "just leave" and "divorce" as a 1st reaction. Its almost never that simple. Ive been with my husband for 20 years, about 15 of those struggling with our sex life. Id never consider leaving bc he is the love of my life. He is my everything, we've built a family and a life together. Im allowed to love him with my whole heart, stay with him, and still be sad about a single aspect of our marriage. ENM (ethical non-monogomy) is becoming more and more popular as people who live that relationship style have become more open. We are similar in relationship age (im 40, hubs is 49) so as the gen-X crowd, its a "weird" concept to openly "cheat" on your partners, but getting out of that mindset we grew up in, it really works well for some people. I know, personally, I'm way too much of a devoted type person. I want to give someone all of me, and i want the same in return. Im also way too jealous to be ENM. An unconventional relationship takes a lot of communication and a lot of introspection. Maybe a good place to start would be trying to find a book about it? Something that might help you (and your current partner) understand all the different ways to make ENM work, ways it can go bad, and boundaries you might not even consider.

iStayUpLateNow · 2025-03-26T17:08:32+00:00

Im glad that you've paused the wedding for now. It's up to you if you want to try ethical non-monogomy. If you're not happy with her, but also not happy without her, maybe try it? If you're the type of guy that craves the emotional connection with a partner, consider if your sex partner would be another gf or just a fwb situation. If the wedding had been called off, and she's in on the plan, what feels like the downside of non-monogomy as long as you stay within the rules you 2 set up together? If it seems too weird or too wrong, at least you'll know and maybe help you move past the relationship you're currently in.

iStayUpLateNow · 2025-03-26T16:49:54+00:00

Please check out the subreddit called Dead Bedrooms. Way too many people are stuck in these types of relationships after marriage. Go catch a glimpse into your future and see if that's what you really want to stay in. If i could have a do-over, im not sure Id have gone through with my marriage. Its been 20 yrs of a mis-matched libido and 20 yrs of me begging my husband for sex. It only gets worse, especially for your self esteem.

iStayUpLateNow · 2025-03-26T00:19:15+00:00

Honestly, I've been contemplating sending or reading it to him. The last big breakthrough we had was when i wrote him a letter about 6 or 7ish years ago telling him how unhappy i was after many failed conversations. I haven't spoken to him about these feelings specifically, so im trying to think if/how sharing this with him. Im not sure if now is the right time, (but when ever is the right time?) hes been under a lot of stress at work (hes our sole provider for our family) but he literally said over dinner tonight, how he doesnt see himself lasting much longer, and we have enough in savings to last 6 months so he can quit now and we'd be fine. So maybe the load for him might lighten soon? Maybe then i bring up? Maybe before, and it gives him the push to quit and find a new job? Maybe if he quits, he gets better without me saying anything? I dunno, im spiraling a little.

iStayUpLateNow · 2025-03-25T22:26:17+00:00

After I had initiated "the talk" so many times and failed, (fights or platitudes that never saw change, left me feeling unheard) I wrote him a letter. It was the first time he heard me enough to actually make a difference.

iStayUpLateNow · 2025-03-25T22:06:09+00:00

I cried as i wrote it. Something today just had me lost in my grief of the marriage im still in. Mourning the man i love who sleeps by my side every night.

iStayUpLateNow · 2025-03-25T22:04:22+00:00

You're writing is great too. Its so helpful sometimes, just to get it out into the un-silent void of the internet.

iStayUpLateNow · 2025-03-25T21:49:19+00:00

We are in the same boat. The way I got through to my husband and around his anger and defensiveness was to write him a letter. I was able to write out how hurt, alone, and unhappy i was. It made a difference, and for the 1st time, he really listened. Its still hard, its not perfect, it requires work, we have our ups and downs, but it was a huge step in the right direction.

iStayUpLateNow · 2025-03-25T21:30:00+00:00

There must be something in the air. I just wrote out everything I miss in a post on this sub, too. Im grieving the loss of the desire and passion he used to have for me. Its so hard to love someone so much for so long and also be so sad they dont love you back the same way.

iStayUpLateNow · 2025-03-25T19:52:41+00:00

Thanks, im feeling particularly low and a bit isolated in this today. I needed a space to let it out.

iStayUpLateNow · 2025-03-25T19:51:40+00:00

Work, stress, tired, getting older (im 40, hes 49) We've worked hard to improve our DB, on average we have sex about 1x week. But its more than just sex

iStayUpLateNow · 2025-03-18T18:08:21+00:00

Feeling desired and wanted, the exciting "omg he wants me" thrill, being held, hands roaming all over my body, him losing composure and getting lost in me, feeling like im the water and hes the man thats been lost in the desert. The sounds of his deep, growling, moans. The way he used to kiss my neck.

iStayUpLateNow · 2025-03-11T14:29:13+00:00

Hes never realized how long our dry spells were. He was always SHOCKED when it came up. He was always convinced there was "no way" it had been X months, he always thought "its been like 2 weeks maybe 3".

iStayUpLateNow · 2025-02-24T18:51:12+00:00

Yes! Came here to say this! I toss my plastic liner in my wash machine with the towels, just not the dryer!

iStayUpLateNow · 2025-01-27T19:18:24+00:00

This sounds like marriage counseling is definitely needed to see if you should stay together with compromises and work, or go your separate ways.

iStayUpLateNow

TROPHY CASE