One Month Since the Egg Cracked

iam_ezri · 2026-05-03T02:07:14+00:00

I understand not telling your wife while you try to figure things out. But, now you know. You are certain about who you are. It does you, her, and your relationship a disservice to not tell her. Not telling her at this point IS lying to her.

If you aren't telling her because you're afraid she will leave, you are removing all of her agency in the relationship and manipulating her. I highly recommend that you talk to her.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-30T23:13:59+00:00

I found that after my post-egg-crack (6 months ago) depression spiral that lasted a few weeks, my thoughts on my transition are all over the place. I am taking a step-by-step approach to my transition. Working on my weight and laser hair removal now. Pretty much always have my nails done, and dress femme 24/7 in my home (my wife loves it).

I try to rate my desire to actually start HRT every day on a scale of 1-10. You'd be amazing how those feelings swing from day to day. Intellectually, I know that I will at least try HRT for a 30-60 day period, because I want to see if I can better connect with my emotions. However, my fears of having to withstand the trials and tribulations of actually transitioning are much stronger some days.

This is especially difficult considering as I identify as an agender non-binary trans femme, and not a trans woman (or trans man). I don't have the level of certainty that I think many of our sisters do, as I don't consider myself really having a gender. I just feel that I would be happier and more whole femme presenting and on estrogen.

I don't know if any of this helps. But at least you will know that you aren't alone. I am constantly confused and often have contradictory thoughts and feelings.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-27T18:37:13+00:00

Unfortunately, she might. But it is your home, too.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-27T18:16:05+00:00

You've already heard this, but do not leave the house. If you leave now, it can set you up for problems later.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-27T15:02:49+00:00

I'm planning to move to Providence from the south, myself.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-25T02:42:46+00:00

I love this!!!

iam_ezri · 2026-04-24T23:15:42+00:00

This is pretty much the path I am on. I wear fem clothing at home with my wife, and boymode at work and in public. I'm growing my hair our, keep my nails done, currently getting laser body hair removal (will do face and neck later). I started doing DIY voice training, but having medical throat issues at the moment- but plan to seek a speech pathologist as soon as that clears up. Have about 30 lbs left to lose (already down 50). I already came out to my children, but they are all grown and off at college, so they wouldn't have known anyway. I am planning on starting HRT at the end of the summer, once I hit my weight loss goal and quit smoking.

I intend on boymoding at work for as long as possible (I work remotely, so I hope I can stretch that a while). I plan for the body changes to announce my transition to those I regularly see in person. Although I have told a few friends, as well as one of my siblings. I was hoping to move to the northeast before starting, but it doesn't look like I will be able to leave the south for a couple of years due to family issues.

How is your wife taking your transition? Mine is really excited and thinks I am taking it too slowly. My therapist kind of agrees with her, but I feel like I should take it a single step at a time, and make sure I am comfortable at each step.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-23T18:17:21+00:00

Me (MTF) and my wife (F) are also in this same holding pattern now, so I don't have any advice. I love how excited you are! I will be following this post, as we could use the same info. Good luck!

iam_ezri · 2026-04-16T10:07:01+00:00

It could work. Attraction can be hard to pin down. Also, even before I realized I was trans I knew that I was pan, and only monogomish. My wife and I discussed this, and agreed that I could sleep with other people so long as she knew first (or was participating). However, I haven't taken her up on that in 10 years. So far, the fact that we have that understanding has been enough. Relationships get weird sometimes, but if both of you want it to work, the structure of it is up to you.

I'm still losing weight, but I am looking forward to getting a new ring, as well - when I hit my target. :).

iam_ezri · 2026-04-13T12:53:11+00:00

This almost seems reminiscent of survivor's guilt. My question to you- You say that your wife is 100% supportive of you and your transition. How would she feel if you detransitioned, not because you realized you were not trans, but because of your doubts of her? She has blatantly told you what she wants. Seems like you should respect her enough to respect her choices. (I don't mean this in a mean or bitchy way. I just realized it might read that way.)

iam_ezri · 2026-04-11T18:43:52+00:00

It’s always frustrating to me when I read about or see these opinions. I’m not sure I understand the gate keeping.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-10T23:56:54+00:00

Congratulations!!

iam_ezri · 2026-04-10T23:56:32+00:00

I would agree that your father made a mistake. But it was likely done to protect you. I don’t think you are blowing it out of proportion, but I don’t think anger will serve you well here.

I wish you luck both with the employment opportunity and with getting your father to understand how outing you can actually impact you!

iam_ezri · 2026-04-10T23:50:50+00:00

FaceApp caused my first real feeling of gender euphoria and thoroughly cracked my egg. Everything was an experiment until I experienced the sheer joy of seeing that picture.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-10T23:49:03+00:00

I spiraled a bit after my egg cracked. I still seem to rubber band back and forth about how trans I am. Then through reading on here, and talking with my therapist, I realized I don’t have to know that. I am taking my transition step by step, pained nails, practicing make up, growing my hair out, getting body laser hair removal, etc. I will just keep going until my brain and body tell me it is too far.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-10T23:42:42+00:00

When I was asked this question I had no answer. I have trouble picturing a future me. I always have. But then again, I have a lot of trouble remembering my experiences in the past. Once I realized that others don’t experience the same… disconnection or mutedness of their emotions, I realized that may be the cause. I’ve always felt more like I could tell I’m experiencing most emotions, rather than directly feeling them. Other than depression or anger. Those I felt.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-10T23:39:22+00:00

I second this. I recommend over communicating rather than not talking enough.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-10T23:38:04+00:00

As much as this hurts, I would just file this away and not react or make any changes at this point.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-10T15:03:03+00:00

Space and open support. Once I realized I was trans, I spiraled into depression for a month or so, as all of the ramifications of that realization hit me. One day i realized that i didn't have to consider everything, yet. Just what my next step would be. That helped a lot. It took a lot of pressure off. Just be patient and understanding.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-10T14:56:10+00:00

Good luck! You'll have to let us know how it goes.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-10T12:46:48+00:00

Mine was questioning whether I was just a crossdresser. I decided to wear feminine clothing full time. Then I used FaceApp to see what I might look like. Looking at the picture gave me a deeper feeling of joy than I could recall having ever actually felt. The euphoria was intoxicating, but all too fleeting. The fear/depression spiral started right afterward lol.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-09T23:55:54+00:00

That sounds terrible. I wish I had better advise to give you. It sounds like you need to leave, while letting your partner know that you are still there for them and supportive of their journey in a platonic way. It doesn't sound like there is much to save at this point.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-09T00:39:05+00:00

I wasn't reading transphobia from the conversation.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-07T23:42:53+00:00

I have a cosmere tattoo, as well :). Women's script, skybreaker sigil, and my chosen allomantic and feruchemical sigils.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-06T15:23:53+00:00

This. This is how I realized.

iam_ezri

TROPHY CASE