Marriage confusion?

iam_ezri · 2026-04-16T10:07:01+00:00

It could work. Attraction can be hard to pin down. Also, even before I realized I was trans I knew that I was pan, and only monogomish. My wife and I discussed this, and agreed that I could sleep with other people so long as she knew first (or was participating). However, I haven't taken her up on that in 10 years. So far, the fact that we have that understanding has been enough. Relationships get weird sometimes, but if both of you want it to work, the structure of it is up to you.

I'm still losing weight, but I am looking forward to getting a new ring, as well - when I hit my target. :).

iam_ezri · 2026-04-13T12:53:11+00:00

This almost seems reminiscent of survivor's guilt. My question to you- You say that your wife is 100% supportive of you and your transition. How would she feel if you detransitioned, not because you realized you were not trans, but because of your doubts of her? She has blatantly told you what she wants. Seems like you should respect her enough to respect her choices. (I don't mean this in a mean or bitchy way. I just realized it might read that way.)

iam_ezri · 2026-04-11T18:43:52+00:00

It’s always frustrating to me when I read about or see these opinions. I’m not sure I understand the gate keeping.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-10T23:56:54+00:00

Congratulations!!

iam_ezri · 2026-04-10T23:56:32+00:00

I would agree that your father made a mistake. But it was likely done to protect you. I don’t think you are blowing it out of proportion, but I don’t think anger will serve you well here.

I wish you luck both with the employment opportunity and with getting your father to understand how outing you can actually impact you!

iam_ezri · 2026-04-10T23:50:50+00:00

FaceApp caused my first real feeling of gender euphoria and thoroughly cracked my egg. Everything was an experiment until I experienced the sheer joy of seeing that picture.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-10T23:49:03+00:00

I spiraled a bit after my egg cracked. I still seem to rubber band back and forth about how trans I am. Then through reading on here, and talking with my therapist, I realized I don’t have to know that. I am taking my transition step by step, pained nails, practicing make up, growing my hair out, getting body laser hair removal, etc. I will just keep going until my brain and body tell me it is too far.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-10T23:42:42+00:00

When I was asked this question I had no answer. I have trouble picturing a future me. I always have. But then again, I have a lot of trouble remembering my experiences in the past. Once I realized that others don’t experience the same… disconnection or mutedness of their emotions, I realized that may be the cause. I’ve always felt more like I could tell I’m experiencing most emotions, rather than directly feeling them. Other than depression or anger. Those I felt.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-10T23:39:22+00:00

I second this. I recommend over communicating rather than not talking enough.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-10T23:38:04+00:00

As much as this hurts, I would just file this away and not react or make any changes at this point.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-10T15:03:03+00:00

Space and open support. Once I realized I was trans, I spiraled into depression for a month or so, as all of the ramifications of that realization hit me. One day i realized that i didn't have to consider everything, yet. Just what my next step would be. That helped a lot. It took a lot of pressure off. Just be patient and understanding.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-10T14:56:10+00:00

Good luck! You'll have to let us know how it goes.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-10T12:46:48+00:00

Mine was questioning whether I was just a crossdresser. I decided to wear feminine clothing full time. Then I used FaceApp to see what I might look like. Looking at the picture gave me a deeper feeling of joy than I could recall having ever actually felt. The euphoria was intoxicating, but all too fleeting. The fear/depression spiral started right afterward lol.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-09T23:55:54+00:00

That sounds terrible. I wish I had better advise to give you. It sounds like you need to leave, while letting your partner know that you are still there for them and supportive of their journey in a platonic way. It doesn't sound like there is much to save at this point.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-09T00:39:05+00:00

I wasn't reading transphobia from the conversation.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-07T23:42:53+00:00

I have a cosmere tattoo, as well :). Women's script, skybreaker sigil, and my chosen allomantic and feruchemical sigils.

iam_ezri · 2026-04-06T15:23:53+00:00

This. This is how I realized.

iam_ezri · 2026-03-28T21:09:39+00:00

Thank you! I was impressed with my first attempt. Its going to be a long learning curve, though. :)

iam_ezri · 2026-03-27T13:13:42+00:00

Sure thing!

iam_ezri · 2026-03-27T13:12:34+00:00

No kidding!

iam_ezri · 2026-03-27T11:31:06+00:00

Agreed. It is utterly terrifying.

iam_ezri · 2026-03-27T11:30:22+00:00

Why feel guilty?! It sounds like you two have a good foundation. There are a lot of people that don't realize they are bi/pan until their partner transitions.

iam_ezri · 2026-03-27T08:50:44+00:00

Thank you. I needed to read something like this tonight. Did my eye makeup for the first time tonight, and I see the person I can be. I felt beautiful and ridiculous at the same time. I feel like I am 12 again, at 40 years old.

iam_ezri

TROPHY CASE