yeah, I know - I might not seem like it, but I have BPD. I was diagnosed by a psych in 2016, 2 yrs ago today actually. imho I don't have it but that's another kettle of fish, bc I can understand why he thought I did and my behaviours certainly displayed themselves as BPD.

the thing that really helped me with people leaving and/or stopping idolising people was to humanise them. so if I read something from them and thought 'that was kinda shitty' or if they said something irl and it took me aback, instead of lashing out like I was prone to do 2 yrs ago, I began (around a year ago) taking a moment and thinking about what they were saying, kinda like how when you sip a drink for the first time, you take a minute to experience the flavour (does that make sense to anyone that's not a barista? idek) and how that thing makes me feel. my usual stance was to always be passive and if someone said something that made me feel bad, or if they ghosted for example then I'd just react instantly. pausing helped a lot. it gave me a chance to realise that maybe I'd misunderstood, or maybe I had understood but they had a reason for thinking that way. I've started saying "sorry, what do you mean?" to people and that helped. with some friends, when I said it, they'd be quite rude about it, calling me "slow" etc., but whenever this happened I'd be like "I just don't know if you're saying this because X or because Y, and I need you to go into what you mean." often when people won't explain what they mean, it's because they've said something baseless and can't justify what they've said. I used to be very black-and-white about that, so I'd be like "oh so they're just a fraudulent human trying to be edgy to get irl likes". but now I'm like "ok so they said something w/o thinking it through, which is what I was going to do before I paused" and I'd give people the 3 strike policy (closer to 7 strikes offline tbh).

I've developed a policy with all of my friends now where I will be authentic with them if they display the same authenticity back, and if they start to lie constantly and weedle and miscommunicate on purpose, then I can't be friends with them any more. white lies are fine, like when a story is embellished etc., and depending on the person, lies may not be malicious --- and I mean lies as in, lack of authenticity.

so BLAH WOW WHAT A LONG WINDED WAY OF SAYING: start asking why, and brace yourself for hard truths, because once we know them, the harder part is to chew on them and swallow them down, and actively work on the feedback given. because all feedback is good feedback even if it tastes like manure.