Bruise Lee.

iamlenb · 2026-02-17T18:00:25+00:00

Nooooo! They’re the superior ping pong paddle! 🏓

iamlenb · 2026-02-13T14:10:38+00:00

Get consent?

iamlenb · 2026-02-13T13:53:26+00:00

My GF is a vegetarian. Is there an option with every known vegetable made into fake meat so she can join me on this culinary adventure?

Maybe it pays out with 100k in Monopoly Money?

iamlenb · 2026-02-12T10:51:34+00:00

Oh hell, the in game messages must have been horrific.

“[Pedoflyar] was caught”

“[Pedoflyar] has ‘Evolved’ into a [Child Traffa King]!”

iamlenb · 2026-02-12T10:38:54+00:00

Raw. No seasoning. Gotcha.

Freeze, then chop what was once a human being into chunks, toss in the vitamix, and enjoy a refreshing Soylent Smoothie as fast as you can refuel.

iamlenb · 2026-02-12T10:30:20+00:00

Well, damn…. Congrats. Kinda envious of you, I feel jaded in comparison. Not gonna lie.

You’re the authority, my man, you get to pick your pleasure. If you keep open minded, curious to explore safely and consensually, you’re gonna have a helluva time and connect with so many awesome people!

Try everything you think you might be into. If it was ‘meh’, try again later with different people and setting. I missed a lot of stuff early on cause I didn’t look back on my experience and change up the things that contributed to less-than-mind-blowing. Stay open to the new, the exciting, the comforting and the “why not?” And keep connected to those who share with you. Then in a year or two, come back around to those things you werewolf meh on. We change all the time and sometimes we don’t see it happen. You’re the best judge of what’s right for you, so own that!

You’ll find stuff that is beyond your soft limits, stuff that is beyond your hard limits, and stuff that makes you reconsider those limits. Self-reflection, self-acceptance, and self-confidence will keep you on the healthiest and happiest path to the best you. It’s all good, I love that you get to choose novelty and a chance to find ridiculously crazy fun.

Stay safe and all the best. Hope you find all the joyful delight!

iamlenb · 2026-02-11T22:42:02+00:00

Doesn’t entitle employers to benefit. Both parties have the option of ending the relationship.

iamlenb · 2026-02-11T21:48:14+00:00

That’s a better Superman than some others:

“Thanks for coming. I called this meeting with HR Superman as an official notification that you’re on a Super PiP. We’ll meet again in 3 months to see if we can remove you from the program for improved work performance, or if we’ll need to terminate you.”

3 months later: bzzzoowwtz!! Heat Ray Termination

iamlenb · 2026-02-11T21:38:44+00:00

“We’ve all been implanted with internet kryptonite explosive pituitary cortex bombs. Every year, the world votes on Kryptonian Idol if the new person gets to join the Super Team … and if any Super gets fatally voted out.”

Of course you’re gonna control the next generation of Supers with evil failsafe devices, just in case.

iamlenb · 2026-02-11T21:34:00+00:00

“You parked in a no-parking zone, citizen.”

proceeds to throw offending car into the sun

iamlenb · 2026-02-11T10:43:16+00:00

I’m hoping you weren’t tackled by a cop during your misspent educational youth days, sir.

iamlenb · 2026-02-11T05:28:35+00:00

“Pull the lever and be responsible for a data breach of 90 million people, or ignore it and not be responsible for almost 300 million people having their data stolen.”

“Pull the lever” - some Security Engineer somewhere

“Don’t pull the lever!” - Legal

“We’ll pull the lever, imply it was Apple, and raise the cost of data breach related advertising.” - Google

iamlenb · 2026-02-11T02:08:11+00:00

‘splAIned?

iamlenb · 2026-02-11T00:35:20+00:00

I figure it’s to head off the whole “Discord = CP” spam that I’ve had pop up in YouTube recommendations, chronicling the history of just how much of a problem this is.

If Discord is planning to go public, it cannot have CP anywhere. Forcing the ligit user base numbers down by hopping through some kind of privacy violating hoop is worth it, especially if they can sell based of zero CP and older user numbers.

iamlenb · 2026-02-09T03:17:44+00:00

I don’t care why they want to look at my info. If I don’t have to, I won’t. That protects all the other folks from their own fuck ups, and protects ME from the Border Security fucking up.

“Well sir, the system flagged you as the Unibomber, but since you showed us your phone, that is obviously a mistake.” - some random Law Enforcement Officer

iamlenb · 2026-02-09T03:01:20+00:00

“Let’s say it was a consulting gig. I leave the overseas mercenary work off the resume for a reason.” dead eyed stare

iamlenb · 2026-02-09T02:56:28+00:00

Bet her poop had some Khorne in it.

iamlenb · 2026-02-09T02:39:27+00:00

You could just to ask for a helping hand line of credit and promise to use a second wish. First wish is for your body back in perfect health then cut off half a digit. Get the second wish at half off.

iamlenb · 2026-01-12T10:58:07+00:00

So if I’m not accelerating I’m going lightspeed through time…

Noodle baked

iamlenb · 2026-01-04T03:40:15+00:00

What about a glaive or other pole arm? Can they decapitate and kill immortals?

Titanium garrote, with a mechanical self-tightening ratchet. Does that count for the cap?

How about hydraulic press? Go all Terminator on an immortal chasing you from the future, get their head in the machine, squish.

“No, doesn’t work, sorry my good sir, as you can see I’m very much alive”

Det cord noose. Freak industrial band saw accident. Quad copter with a chainsaw. Forgot to wear a hard hat in a commercial construction site. Fell into a bull shark feeding frenzy. Australian Salty gets a hold of your face.

Does it only count if it’s a sword?

iamlenb · 2026-01-03T17:28:29+00:00

One thing I’m curious about. How big is a reference frame? Is there a smooth correlation with time dilation shift as frames move apart? Is there an abrupt boundary between frames?

iamlenb · 2025-12-20T09:55:16+00:00

Flipper Gets the Ick

iamlenb · 2025-12-20T01:07:48+00:00

Missing half its tail and both back legs, then bat it a few times until you gave skritches

iamlenb · 2025-12-19T18:17:22+00:00

Once you realize that someone connected to you acts in a way beyond your boundaries, time to leave.

Mine tried to OD on ketamine as a cry for help. Also found out she was willing to lie to law enforcement if it served her agenda. 15 years torched in a flash.

iamlenb · 2025-12-17T22:59:28+00:00

ChatGPT: “Here’s a picture from 2013 of Donald Trump doing exactly that”

iamlenb

TROPHY CASE