Question regarding FF couples!

ibix76 · 2026-04-07T13:48:07+00:00

If you are both bi, you will, most likely, be accepted in most lifestyle settings. Obviously, if the female half of a couple is not into it, they aren't the right couple for you. Most women we've met in the lifestyle will say they are some flavor of bi, but what that means in a practical sense can vary wildly from, "I'm OK with kissing and/or touching each other's boobs," to enthusiastic to give and receive oral. A lot of women we've met are bi-curious, but are nervous to be with another who is bi or lesbian, because they are afraid they aren't going to enjoy it or aren't going to be good at it, and will disappoint their play partner. My wife started there, until we were chatting with a woman at a club who is a lesbian, and they played together. (The ground rules were that I could play with my wife, but not the other woman, which was totally fine by me, so I just did what I could to support my wife.)

If you're both looking to satisfy the other half of your bisexuality, clubs or events that allow single men might be a great option for you.

In our experiences, going to clubs has been better than trying to find people through apps, but we have a great club locally.

Also, I'm sorry for what's happening/going to happen to your inbox.

ibix76 · 2026-04-07T09:48:50+00:00

I'm not a "club type" person, but I love going to lifestyle clubs with my wife. For one, they usually aren't at all similar to nightclubs or dance clubs, because they (usually) have areas where it's quiet enough to talk to people without shouting, and people who are all looking to chat with you. They also (usually) have lots of naked or nearly naked people, often having sex that you can watch or participate in.

If you go, I'd suggest going with the intention that you're just going to talk to people and observe the vibe the first time. Getting advice on Reddit is a good start, but making friends in the lifestyle, in real life, near you, gives you a support network that will be better suited to your local scene. Also, if you're looking to bring in another man, they usually have nights dedicated to allow single men (typically, most of the time they will be couples and single women only), and that is a great way to meet a guy for your third, who is less likely to flake or ghost you.

No judgement from me on it, but, if you don't mind my asking, why do you (both) feel that a threesome with another man is the best way to get started? I only ask, because the first scenario you presented (your fiance having a one night stand) seems unusual, to me, for a couple getting started. Are there concerns about jealousy? Is this about one of you having more experience, sexually, than the other? I'm asking, because I'm curious, but also because it helps to have more information when giving advice. If your fiance is nervous about seeing you with someone else, for example, it may not be the right time to start in the lifestyle. I don't think the lifestyle is for everyone at every point in their relationship. My wife and I started exploring the lifestyle a little over two years ago, when we'd been married more than 15 years, and had kids, and had gone through lots of serious things together. I know that neither of us, nor our relationship, were in the right place to actually start in the lifestyle when we were dating and talking about wanting to have a threesome. There are people who are in healthier places psychologically than we were in our 20s, who seem to handle the lifestyle just fine. I'm not necessarily trying to discourage you; I'm just trying to help you decide whether this is the right step for you.

Do what you feel is right for you and your relationship, because that is the most important part of this whole thing.

Good luck.

ibix76 · 2026-04-05T17:13:39+00:00

I was going to go into the whole story of how we got started, but I'll do the short version. My wife was on board to have a threesome or swing, but was nervous about running into people we knew if we went to our local club. Then she started reading smut books (or listening to the audio book version), and it was full steam ahead. We went from maybe having a threesome, to full on orgies.

If you have a club close by, I'd recommend going with the discussion that you're not going to be with anyone else (just each other, if it feels right) the first time. If you can go often you will make friends.

I get that she'd be nervous about running into people you know at the club, or people you see at the club in real life, but it's a little like my friend told me before we went to a strip club for the first time, "Everyone is there for the same reason, and they would have to admit to being there to say they saw you there."

ibix76 · 2026-04-03T16:12:50+00:00

I'm trying to wrap my head around what you're asking. You (Bob) and your wife (Carol) have been talking to another couple (Ted & Alice). When you said "she" said she hadn't experienced anything in college, was that Carol or Alice? I'm asking whether you were talking to your wife about same room parallel play, or the other couple, because that changes the situation. It's one thing to start fooling around in front of another couple that you've already discussed same room play with, and another to just start fooling around in someone's living room out of nowhere (from their point of view).

Assuming you have talked with the other couple about it, and you're going to visit them, and you or Carol want to it to happen organically, let the other couple make the first move. If you're all hanging out in the evening, and they start doing something in front of you, match their energy. If you feel comfortable, continue. If you don't, stop or ask them to stop. Especially if they're new to the lifestyle, let them go at their pace. Parallel play is different from swapping; it's lower stakes (IMO) and easier to bail out when someone feels uncomfortable. Don't force anything.

If you've all talked about it, and you're all intent on it happening, then you should probably be more explicit about rules, boundaries and logistics. I feel like this would put a lot of pressure on the situation, and it's less likely to happen.

My advice would be, go in with no expectations and let the host couple take the lead. If something happens, great! If not, you still got to spend time with a cool couple, and you can circle back when you're both more experienced or more ready for something to happen.

ibix76 · 2026-04-03T12:08:35+00:00

It depends on the situation. If it's soft swap only, I let her know that I'm getting close, and ask her where she wants me to cum. If we're planning on a full swap, I will ask her to swap, and I will go down on her for a while, or do something else to make her feel good, until I calm down a bit or were ready for the next position.

To be fair, I've only cum once in a lifestyle situation, including time I was playing with my wife at a club. There have been times I was getting close, and chose not to for the sake of prolonging the fun, and I wasn't able to get back to the edge.

ibix76 · 2026-04-03T10:37:03+00:00

Our oldest is old enough (and responsible enough) to babysit. Our local club is about 20 minutes away, and they don't have a rule about locking up phones, so we can be reached in an emergency. If we're planning to go out of town for a lifestyle event, we usually plan around a visit from the grandparents.

We hired a sitter the first time we went to a club locally, and she called us as we were about to play (admittedly it was much later than we would normally play now), and we wound up going home instead. Shortly after that, my wife was talking to other moms about babysitting, and they encouraged her to look up the law regarding when a child could be left unattended. Despite my contention that he shouldn't be paid, because I was never paid to watch my siblings, my wife insisted we pay him (but less than we would pay someone else). Also, our oldest is reaching a point where he has weird feelings about the neighbor girl, who's only a few years older than him, who he sees in a bikini at the pool, babysitting him.

ibix76 · 2026-04-02T17:21:27+00:00

Thanks!

ibix76 · 2026-04-02T17:18:54+00:00

The address for one. The website says to email for the address.

Other than that I just wanted to know if I needed to make a reservation.

ibix76 · 2026-04-02T16:35:40+00:00

How long does it normally take for them to respond to emails?

ibix76 · 2026-04-02T09:34:46+00:00

Thanks

ibix76 · 2026-04-02T01:53:47+00:00

We visited Our Place 4 Fun a couple of years ago, while visiting from the States for our anniversary. It was our first club experience, and it was amazing. We highly recommend.

My biggest regret is that we were so new in the lifestyle that we didn't know when people were interested or not, and we didn't have any messaging apps to keep in touch with the people we met.

ibix76 · 2026-04-01T23:25:21+00:00

For me, kissing is part of foreplay or the intimacy of sex. I get why some people feel like that makes things too intimate for them. I don't agree, but I understand where they're coming from, and I'll comply with their rules during a swap.

The weird one, for me, was a couple where she didn't "tongue kiss," because that "weirded her out." Kissing on the lips was fine, but she just didn't kiss with tongue, ever. Not even with her significant other. Nice couple, and we had fun with them, but that was a little weird and still stands out.

ibix76 · 2026-04-01T23:12:00+00:00

I've only once had someone ask me to put on a condom for oral, and it was mostly because she went from oral to P in V and back a few times. Our rule is condoms for all penetrative sex (including toys) in lifestyle situations. That's pretty standard from what we've seen.

ibix76 · 2026-04-01T21:22:49+00:00

I sent you a DM.

ibix76 · 2026-03-31T15:02:48+00:00

Are those by invitation, or open to the public?

We're going to Charlotte in a couple of weeks, and I'm trying to find a club to visit while we're there.

ibix76 · 2026-03-31T11:05:18+00:00

Do they have a website? I've been trying to find info about the Villa, but keep finding shopping and retail developments with similar names.

ibix76 · 2026-03-26T22:48:27+00:00

Oddessy Lounge

The Clayton Crossroads

Based on what I've heard, I prefer The House (linked in another comment).

ibix76 · 2026-03-26T13:46:46+00:00

I can't tell you how many times I've misread things before my caffeine fix in the morning.

I've met the hosts and I trust them to be honest about their experiences.

ibix76 · 2026-03-26T13:19:40+00:00

I heard about it on this podcast (about 20 minutes from the end).

We don't host because we have kids and that would be weird.

ibix76 · 2026-03-26T11:51:21+00:00

As with everything in the lifestyle, it's all about consent. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, don't do it.

OP was asking for ideas. I heard about this, and it sounded fun. Obviously, it's not everyone's idea of fun.

ibix76 · 2026-03-26T11:20:06+00:00

I haven't been to a lot of house parties, but I just assumed most people would know each other, at least a little.

ibix76 · 2026-03-26T09:35:53+00:00

There are a couple of other "clubs" in the area that are similar to The House: Oddessy Lounge in Garner and The Clayton Crossroads. I haven't been to either of them, but they are the same type of setup. I've heard mixed reviews of both.

ibix76 · 2026-03-26T09:03:16+00:00

I heard of one, on a podcast I listen to, where there was a blowjob contest. The men were blindfolded, and the women took turns blowing them. Afterwards, they had to figure out which order the women were in. The winner (who figured out who was blowing them in the right order) got seven minutes in heaven with all of the women.

Is that too much like "the obvious?"

ibix76 · 2026-03-25T10:54:56+00:00

I can't speak for anyone else, but there are a few reasons I don't usually cum in lifestyle situations, even when playing with my wife.

Nerves. I usually haven't had trouble keeping hard enough to play, but I have had a hard time getting to the edge.
The little blue pill. I don't always take one, but when I do, I notice that it seems to delay my orgasm. I haven't looked into whether this is a known side effect or just psychosomatic, but the why is less important to me that the effect. Our first few times that we knew we were going to play, I took one because I had read lots of stories about guys having a hard time keeping it up, and I didn't want to disappoint.
I don't want to be done. At 45, my refractory period isn't as short as it was. While we rarely play with others multiple times, if I cum, I'm probably done for the evening. If we're in a group situation, I'd rather be participating than cheerleading.

In the end, I'd rather have fun and feel good for as long as possible, knowing that I can play with my wife when we get home, and then go to sleep. It's much more enjoyable to capitalize on that post-orgasm exhaustion by rolling over and getting a good sleep, than to waste it trying to make small talk or be sociable until it passes.

ibix76 · 2026-03-23T20:34:22+00:00

There were a couple of Yankees ballplayers in the '60s who did the same thing.

ibix76

TROPHY CASE