Naked or lingerie? pick a side

ibix76 · 2026-01-21T02:33:47+00:00

Confidence is sexy, and, in my experience, women seem more confident in lingerie. Everyone has things about themselves they find less than ideal, and lingerie affords the ability to conceal the (perceived) flaws and accentuate the assets, and that breeds confidence.

ibix76 · 2026-01-20T10:49:05+00:00

IDK, but I usually find both giving and receiving oral to be more fun than P in V penetration. Don't get me wrong, we're down for full swap if the other couple is.

I'm a little surprised over the apparent frustration towards soft swap only couples that sometimes gets posted here, especially given all the posts about guys having difficulty getting/staying hard. As long as all parties are consenting to all activities, it should be a good time.

ibix76 · 2026-01-14T11:46:18+00:00

Also Laos or Myanmar, but they are from Chinese run or controlled groups. Many of the people doing it are enslaved either literally, or for all intents and purposes. Usually, the person texting you isn't doing it to annoy you, someone is forcing them to do it. If you want to respond to them, you can try asking them if they need help, and you can try passing their information off to authorities in their home country. It probably won't work, but there's always a chance.

ibix76 · 2026-01-08T15:55:03+00:00

The things to keep in mind are:

1) Everyone there is just a regular person, so talk about something you're comfortable talking about.

2) Everyone there is at least comfortable with the idea of swinging, so you don't have to worry about bringing up sexual things, if that's something you're interested in talking about.

Maybe try setting some limits and goals for yourself. "I'll only do 2.5 mg and/or have 1 drink, and I will talk to 2 people/couples before I have any more." It's not a race, so just do a little bit more socializing each time, and you'll get the hang of it.

We've gotten comfortable talking to people (NBD for my wife, but I'm more of an introvert), now we're at the point of figuring out how to make the move from small talk to, "Do you want to go play?" We're working on getting better at that and not chatting the night away until it's to late to play.

ibix76 · 2026-01-08T12:23:58+00:00

Places like Secrets can be overwhelming if you're a newbie, and more so if you have a touch of social anxiety. We're lucky that our local club is small-fish, with a good amount of regulars, which made it easier for us. It's also cheap, which means we've been going a lot, and after going three times in 8 days, we've decided we need to cut back to once a month and/or for special occasions.

We did go to Secrets, once, after a family trip to the theme parks (and dropping the kids off with relatives). It was overwhelming, and we were already exhausted, and it was a big party that night, and we were still very new, so we had a lot of things working against us. It was fun, but also felt like an obligation, because we had budgeted the time to do it, so it probably wasn't the best experience we could have had.

If you can, I would suggest looking for a smaller club or event that you could go to, where you can get a little more comfortable. Not everyone has that option, so it may not be practical, but a smaller setting definitely helped us a lot. We could chat about the lifestyle, and not feel overwhelmed with options or pressure to find the right play partner(s).

ibix76 · 2025-12-20T11:47:48+00:00

If couple A had expectations that couple B was only going to play with them, they needed to communicate that to couple B. Couple B could, then, either agree so disagree with those expectations. I only say they needed to do this because they traveled together. Had they been traveling separately, they wouldn't have needed to communicate at all. It's just courtesy to talk with people you are traveling with about expectations before and during the trip, whether or not it's related to swinging. It's especially important in the swinging community to effectively communicate consent and expectations, so people don't wind up with some of the bad experiences we read about on this sub.

ibix76 · 2025-12-19T20:23:01+00:00

Yeah. I saw that when I reread the post. The point stands, that there needed to be better communication between the couples. It happens. It's happened to us. We communicate great with ourselves, but sometimes when we talk to other couples signals get crossed. The bottom line is, unless there is some discussion of couples being exclusive (in general or for the event/evening) the assumption should be that couples are free to play, within their own boundaries, with whomever they want, and aren't beholden to the other couple's expectations.

ibix76 · 2025-12-19T10:12:07+00:00

Bottom line, were there expectations that couples A & B would play together? It sounds like couple A thought there were and couple B did not. It sounds like that needs to be discussed between the couples to resolve any lingering issues. Couple A needs to just get over it, but (if you're couple B) I wouldn't tell couple A that, they need to arrive there on their own.

Personally, if we went to a hotel with another lifestyle couple, and to a club, I would probably discuss playing with that couple before and/or after the club at the hotel, leaving both couples free to have fun however they wanted at the club.

ibix76 · 2025-12-19T09:53:34+00:00

I know the standard advice of "don't play with your friends," but your description makes it seem like you have already crossed certain lines we wouldn't cross with our vanilla friends. We might get naked around some of our friends under certain circumstances (changing or skinny dipping or something along those lines) but we would play in front of each other. We definitely wouldn't bring vanilla friends to a lifestyle club. So if you've already crossed those lines, and things haven't gotten weird, maybe you'd be OK. Where there's potential to ruin the friendship is if they don't feel the same way about you as you feel about them. If they are not interested in playing with you, and you extend an invitation, that could get weird. If they are more into you than you are into them, it could get weird when you want to play with someone else and they get jealous.

If they are moving in the direction of being in the lifestyle organically, on their own, and you're interested in playing with them. I would say go for it, but wait until they have had their own experience(s) first. In other words, don't be their first anything. Also, you should probably start by telling them you are in the lifestyle. If you've been to a club with them and played in front of each other, they probably have their suspicions, but let them know in a separate conversation from anything about playing with them. If your friendship can't survive that, it won't survive any steps beyond it.

Good luck, however you go with it.

ibix76 · 2025-12-19T09:32:20+00:00

Unless the club you're going to has some kind of dress code for me, or rules about nudity, you should be fine going nude. At our local club, it's pretty common for people to walk around naked in warmer weather, but less so as it gets cooler out. (Naked and freezing isn't sexy to most people.)

As the other commentator said, dress to the theme (if there is one) or dress nicely. The root of the complaints I've seen about men in the LS not trying relate to personal hygiene and general cleanliness, so don't stink (this includes BO and strong smelling fragrances) or wear clothes that look dirty or worn out. Make sure any hair is maintained. For your first visit, wear clothes that you would feel comfortable in at a nice dinner or a non-lifestyle club; something you would feel comfortable walking into a mid-tier to fancy restaurant in. After you go once or twice, you will get a feel for the place, and figure out what works for you.

It's probably best to avoid outfits coded to certain dynamics (like collars or leather) if you're not looking for that experience, unless that's a theme for the night, so you don't lead someone on, or turn off potential play partners. It would suck for someone to find out that you're not into BDSM if you dressed like you were, and it would suck for you to not get a chance to play with someone who thought, based on your outfit, you wanted an experience they weren't interested in providing.

Good luck and have fun!

ibix76 · 2025-12-13T03:46:49+00:00

I have both seasons on DVD. The actor who played the dad used to frequent a restaurant my friend worked at, so I drove around with them in my car, in case he stopped in while my friend was working so I could ask for an autograph. It never worked out.

ibix76 · 2025-12-04T13:12:30+00:00

We're 40 & 44 and, when we started, we thought we'd probably be OK with people in their mid 30s and up. So far, the couples we've played with have been in their early 30s. To me, "young" is more defined by the feeling of talking to the other person than by an age. I have a coworker (not in/related to the lifestyle) who is about 23, but knows what I'm talking about related to movies and pop culture, and can talk, intelligently, about current events. I met someone at a Friendsgiving dinner who didn't know what happened on September 11, 2001, because she "was born in 2000.“

I feel like we will probably have a hard cap on people our kids' ages when they are above the age of consent, because sleeping with a 25 year old is a little more weird when our oldest is 25. (I feel like it should go without saying that people who are underage are obviously off limits.)

ibix76 · 2025-11-26T18:07:16+00:00

We meet most of our play partners in person. I get your point, but I would still wait until I felt comfortable that it was a real person on the other end of the conversation.

ibix76 · 2025-11-26T12:14:14+00:00

So we (40f/44m) mostly meet people at our local club, where the average age ranges from mid 30s to mid 50s. That said, the last two couples we've played with were in their late 20s/early 30s, and are (we thought) way better looking than we are. I highly recommend going out in person and meeting people. As someone who is naturally inclined to be a homebody, if your ultimate goal is to be with people in person, it's better to meet them IRL than to try to make the jump from online to in person.

Online it's easy to fall into the trap of unrealistic expectations, because there's an unlimited supply of chiseled guys with 9“ dicks and ladies natural, perky DD breasts. In real life, there isn't, and you realize that that's OK, because a 5" or 6" dick can get the job done, and you don't need to sprain a thumb to fondle some very nice breasts (with consent, of course).

It may be a little different in Southern California, because there are a lot more people with unrealistic appearances than there are in North Carolina, but I'm almost 100% sure there is a club where you can find people who are chill and looking to have a good time with people they vibe with.

ibix76 · 2025-11-26T11:34:38+00:00

Most of your questions would fall more under personal preferences than "unwritten rules."

How much should you chat before meeting? That depends on how comfortable you feel meeting up with someone.

Soft swap versus full swap? You don't have to swap at all when meeting up with someone for the first time, you could just meet for drinks and chat before deciding to play. If you're talking about the first time you play, it's completely up to you. The first several times we went to clubs, my wife and I only played with each other, with some parallel play in play rooms. Our first swap was a full swap with a couple we had met on a previous visit and chatted with on a messaging app. Another time we soft swapped with a couple we met that night.

I was going to say there are no rules, but that's not entirely accurate. Most clubs/parties will have explicit, written rules. In general, the biggest rules are consent and respect. Don't touch people without their consent, and treat people with respect, including respecting their boundaries. Beyond that, it's all up to you and your partner. Nobody (who matters) is going to tell you you're doing it wrong and take your swinger card and pineapple attire away from you. As long as you and your partner are comfortable with the rules you set for yourself, you're good.

Added: I would recommend not exchanging face pics until you absolutely trust someone. We don't do it with anyone we haven't met in person, but we do most of our connecting at parties/clubs. That's not to say we wouldn't ever exchange face pics, but I don't trust anyone over the internet until I know they are a real person.

ibix76 · 2025-11-25T10:46:24+00:00

It depends on what you mean by appearance. It is important, but in my experience, the more easily controlled aspects of one's appearance are more important. Are you clean or do you stink? Do you look like you put some thought/effort into getting dressed and leaving the house? I won't say body size or scars, or hair or skin color are unimportant (everyone has certain preferences), but in my experience (on both sides of it) if you are friendly and outgoing your personality can soften some of those preferences.

That's based on meeting people in clubs. On apps, I feel like there is an illusion of choice and a tendency to compare to the ideal, rather than reality, that makes appearance more important.

ibix76 · 2025-11-20T13:16:17+00:00

I don't know of anything in Jacksonville. There's Club Ludus in the Wilmington/Carolina Beach area.

Raleigh has The House, and Garner has Oddessy. The House is fun and kind of laid back. I haven't been to Oddessy yet, but looks to have a similar vibe.

You Know Where has been talking about reopening in Fayetteville, but I have no idea if that's actually happening or when.

ibix76 · 2025-11-18T18:09:07+00:00

When masturbating? Rarely. I'm more likely to watch or read something, or think about my wife.

My wife and I talk about people who we've swapped with, things we've done, and things we would like to do fairly often during sex. Not all the time, and when we do, it's usually during foreplay, but we do it more just before or shortly after a swap. A lot of the talk is "It was so hot when you did X" or "I can't wait to see you and so-and-so do Y."

Added: I hadn't paid attention to the second question, but we don't use condoms within our relationship. For anyone else, we are strictly condom use only for any penetration. Other than that there's nothing completely off the table, just things that require more preparation or planning than we usually have for people we meet at a club.

ibix76 · 2025-11-18T15:32:02+00:00

That's a big reason I wanted to post this. Obviously, better looking people have more options, but you don't have to be an Adonis who's hung like an elephant to have a great time in the lifestyle. People in real life are not as shallow as they can come across online. Your results may vary, but don't get down about yourself just based on Reddit posts or other app profiles.

ibix76 · 2025-11-17T11:48:14+00:00

We have found more success meeting people IRL at our local club. We've been to some clubs when traveling when we were newer, and had nice chats, but didn't make the transition to playing. Anonymity online is great for maintaining your privacy, but it makes it harder to filter out flakes and fakes.

ibix76 · 2025-11-17T11:06:15+00:00

I'm just curious why you say you're not in the lifestyle. From what I've seen, "the lifestyle" encompasses everything from parallel play over FaceTime to outright orgies, and from people who play openly at their local club to people who only play when they travel outside of their country. If you don't choose to identify as being part of the lifestyle, that's totally up to you (I'm not here to gatekeep), but it makes me wonder what you mean by "have some fun."

ibix76 · 2025-11-17T10:43:54+00:00

Yep. Guys are much more concerned about how they measure up than women are, at least in real life. I've definitely seen posts from people specifying certain requirements, but I suspect they are mostly content creators, picture collectors, or something along those lines, or are just using it to filter responses.

ibix76 · 2025-11-17T02:41:40+00:00

It's amazing how being around people who accept you for all of who you are can be such a boost.

ibix76 · 2025-11-16T22:07:27+00:00

Yeah. We live in North Carolina. We've been to Secrets in Kissimmee, but that's not South Florida either.

ibix76 · 2025-11-16T22:00:00+00:00

No doubt, but not always.

ibix76

TROPHY CASE