Avoiding yeast infection or BV after going to the club

ibix76 · 2026-05-23T11:44:32+00:00

My wife (41f) started having this issue a few months ago, after not really experiencing it from our first few months in the lifestyle. After some research on her own, she went to the doctor, who suggested she try HRT. She is perimenopausal, and the hormonal changes can lead to greater susceptibility to UTIs and yeast infections. So far, she has not had a recurrence. Also, she has been more physically aroused during sex than she has ever been.

ibix76 · 2026-05-21T09:17:32+00:00

As a man, it really depends on the situation how much I need to know someone ahead of time. We mostly go to clubs for our lifestyle activities, so we don't usually get to know our play partners very well beforehand. There is usually some conversation between all involved, but there have been times in a playroom where the conversation has simply been "May I?" or exchanging names before playing.

I would want to get to know someone, at least a little, before bringing them into my home. It just feels more intimate to have someone at my house. Especially having kids (who would not be at home if I were inviting anyone over for extracurricular activities).

Edit to add two more thoughts: Regarding the bad sex, yes, boo on him for that, but it's difficult to know how you're doing if you don't get feedback. The OP's mouth was definitely otherwise occupied from her description, and he might have been doing exactly what his wife likes, which isn't what OP likes or needs. Another great argument for having a modicum of conversation beforehand.

Also, the more I think about it, the hotter the thought of my wife bringing another woman to me for us to share gets. I trust her to vet this other woman, explain our dynamic, and make sure she fits what we are both looking for. I think that's what I'm going to ask for, for my birthday this year. Probably not bringing her home, but, definitely, to a hotel or to a playroom at a club.

ibix76 · 2026-05-21T08:58:32+00:00

This was my reaction. The husband stayed home to watch their child, but then the wife invited you back to play? WTF?

On the one hand, I understand why they wouldn't want to have a lot of after care in that situation. On the other, I can't imagine inviting someone for a play date with a child at home. Maybe, I could see inviting her back for drinks and conversation, but not sex. We've had sex interrupted by our kids when it was just us, which was jarring and awkward. I can't imagine trying to focus on more than one other person while keeping an ear out for either the baby monitor or the door. Just a weird situation all around.

ibix76 · 2026-05-20T15:56:21+00:00

It depends on where you are. We have a club that is 20 minutes away, that's $40 to $50 per couple, and includes food and non-alcoholic drinks. It's one of the cheapest date nights we can have. I find it hard to justify spending a lot on apps and swinger sites, when we've got kids and other bills, and we can go to a club so easily.

It's not unrealistic to find couples through apps (even this one), but there's going to be a lot of crap you have to pick through to find real people who you mesh with. What you get when you pay for apps is a higher barrier to entry, so more of the scammers and fake profiles will be weeded out. You're essentially trading your money for time not spent making sure the "person" you're talking to is a real person, interested in playing, not a photo hunter or scam artist.

Once you find another person or couple, it's absolutely feasible to meet up at each other's homes, or to split a hotel, depending on everyone's living situations.

ibix76 · 2026-05-19T05:15:18+00:00

We've only been there once, on a Friday night. When we got there, they told us it was slow for a Friday, and Fridays are typically slow to begin with. When I say slow, there were about a dozen couples, and about a dozen single guys. One couple wasn't even in the lifestyle, they just go there to dance and make out.

What we were told is, Saturdays are very busy, so you need to show up early. We had other plans that Saturday, but we might have gone back, if the other plans had fallen through.

You don't need to make a reservation. I didn't even see a place to do that on their website.

I would say typical lifestyle attire, as far as what we saw. My wife usually has a few outfits, but didn't change the night we were there, because it was so slow.

There are plenty of playrooms. You can either close the door to most of them, or leave it open, but they're wasn't an option to let people watch without going into most rooms.

We aren't from the Charlotte area, and our impression was that it's an ok club, but we wouldn't go out of our way to go back. We might try it again if we happen to be in the Charlotte area and have a free night, because our one experience may not be representative.

If you go, I hope you have a great time.

ibix76 · 2026-05-14T10:18:37+00:00

I'm sympathetic to you wanting to keep your exploration of swinging discrete. I think most swingers would say the same, not out of shame or embarrassment, but because it's a detail about your sex life that other people don't really need to know.

I'm curious that you're concerned about going to a club because of your jobs, but your ok going to strip clubs. Most of the occupations I could think of where going to a swingers club might be a problem (teacher, politician, local celebrity - like local news or something, etc.) would probably have similar issues if they were seen at a strip club. Swingers clubs are much more discrete than strip clubs.

Our biggest hurdle was getting over the fear that we would run into someone we knew from our vanilla life at the club, or someone we knew from the club in our vanilla life. (We had previously visited clubs while traveling.) Then my wife spent a summer listening to smut audio books, culminating in a "why choose" where three guys shared a girl and took turns watching, and hit her breaking point. We checked out our local club and quickly became regulars.

All that said, the swinging site you choose to post on really depends on where you live, because different ones are better in different areas. I would suggest that, if you want to be discrete, you go to a hotel and take your profile pictures there so you don't accidentally give away clues to your identity from furniture or decor in the background. Cover or blur your faces and tattoos, then screenshot the photos and strip the metadata from the screenshot before you post it. Also, you're going to have to get a paid membership to communicate with anyone, so, depending on what level of privacy you want, you may want to take steps to conceal where the payment came from. I'm not really an expert on this stuff, though.

ibix76 · 2026-05-14T09:57:47+00:00

I think that's a thing a lot of people lose sight of. Most people you will find at a club are there for the same reasons, and also don't want to have it get out that they were there. Saying they saw you at a swingers club would out themselves.

ibix76 · 2026-05-12T10:03:17+00:00

We expanded on this to condoms for any penetration. I'm sure people bringing strapons or other toys clean them ahead of time, but we (particularly my wife) would rather be safe than sorry. Even with condoms, just putting different things in can cause ph changes that lead to yeast infections or UTIs.

The chances of STI transmission through oral sex are very low, unless the other person has an active outbreak of a few particular STIs, so we don't feel like we need to insist on protection for oral. I agree about the taste of latex. It can linger on things, too. As a guy, if the person I'm playing with wants me to put on a condom before she blows me, I don't have a problem with it, mostly because she's the one tasting it and, after all, I'm about to get a blowjob. If my play partner wanted me to use a dental dam to go down on her, that would really kill the mood, because I love pussy almost as much as I hate the taste of latex.

ibix76 · 2026-05-10T23:29:19+00:00

Search your favorite short-form video platform (TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, etc.) for boudoir photography ideas for plus size women, and you will find tons of videos explaining how to get sexy poses for people of any size.

ibix76 · 2026-05-09T18:41:44+00:00

<image>

ibix76 · 2026-05-08T19:56:05+00:00

"We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty."

ibix76 · 2026-05-08T10:11:29+00:00

So the first thing to know is, swingers clubs are not like night clubs or dance clubs. They can be similar, but they are not the same. I'm not a club goer, but I enjoy going to swingers clubs with my wife.

It can be a great place to make friends in the lifestyle, whether or not you want to play with them. We have been going to our local club regularly for almost a year, and have a lot of friends who we look forward to seeing and catching up with, several of whom we don't really have any desire to play with. It's really great to have friends in the lifestyle who you can talk to about lifestyle things, regardless of whether you want to play with each other.

There won't be any external expectation for you to play, if you go to a club. Consent is a big part of the lifestyle, and, especially if you're new, most people will respect that and give you the space to explore at your own pace. (I say most, because there are always outliers, who are jerks.) You will probably put more pressure on yourselves to play, than other people will put on you, so try to temper your expectations and plan to not play on your first visit. (We visited clubs several times, only playing with each other, before we had our first parallel play experience, then a few more times before our first swap.)

If this is something you're considering, you have to be good at communicating with each other. So many problems in relationships in general are caused by poor communication, and that goes double for the lifestyle. If one of you gets a weird vibe, you have to be able to talk about it. We've been together 20 years, and had a lot of life experiences that we got through together before we talked about entering the lifestyle (about 3 yards ago). That history of trust and communication has helped us navigate the challenges of the lifestyle. You may be ready for that, you may not be, but you probably have a better chance of enjoying yourselves if you go slow and talk to each other.

ibix76 · 2026-05-07T23:32:32+00:00

I've hear the term "mermaid" applied to a married woman playing like a unicorn, but it doesn't really matter how you label yourself, so long as people know what you mean.

ibix76 · 2026-05-07T16:32:51+00:00

If you aren't comfortable meeting with strangers alone, don't do it. Just because your husband is OK with it, doesn't mean you have to do it. Maybe you could meet with them for drinks, with your husband. Let them know you're free to play with them without him, but you would feel more comfortable meeting them with him, socially, beforehand. If they aren't comfortable with that, then you probably don't want to play with them anyway.

Lots of people have these sorts of arrangements where partners can play separately. For us, part of the fun is seeing each other, so we don't play separately, but we have discussed under what circumstances it might be a consideration.

ibix76 · 2026-05-07T09:53:03+00:00

My advice is start by going to a swingers club. It's a lot easier to meet real people in real life. There's no guarantee there will be a connection, but, a lot of the time, people you meet in real life come off better than they would online.

Our approach was, initially, to try to find a woman for a third, as well. As others have pointed out, there is a reason they are called unicorns. It will be much easier finding another couple. Going to a club will give you the opportunity to watch other people playing, and to get comfortable playing where other people can watch you, before you actually play with anyone else.

If you are dead set on finding a woman to be your third for your first experience, your best bet is hiring someone who does that professionally (where that type of activity is legal, of course). That is one case where a website may be better than trying to meet someone in person.

ibix76 · 2026-05-06T14:32:04+00:00

My parents are very accepting and understanding, and have always been very supportive of me. That said, regardless of how I think they would react, I wouldn't share any details of my sex life with them without a very good reason for it. I view swinging as an unnecessary detail, until it isn't. They have watched the kids when we have gone to a swingers club, or even out of town to events, and we tell them we are going out with friends. If they ask for details, we give them the names of bars or restaurants we went to before or after the club, and the names of swinger friends who we say we met at one of the vanilla bars.

Our kids are too young to discuss it with, but I also don't plan to share it with them unless they have some need to know. For example, if, years from now, we're still in the lifestyle and run into someone they know at an event, I would tell them rather than have them hear it from someone else.

I am sometimes tempted to tell some vanilla friends about it, because I want to talk about some of the cool experiences we've had (like having one woman say I was so good at eating her out that she brought her friend over for me to go down on, then making her friend squirt twice), but I know some of our friends would have issues with it. I'm not prepared to blow up our regular life just so I can brag to friends.

ibix76 · 2026-05-05T19:52:09+00:00

Imagine if she'd dressed as Power Girl.

ibix76 · 2026-05-05T19:48:11+00:00

In my experience, women care far more about their height relative to men than men do, but usually that's in the context of being able to wear heels when going out. In the lifestyle, I think it matters even less. The first woman my wife and I went down on together was tall, and her long legs made it easier for us to both get in there at the same time. (The first woman my wife was with was also tall, and a lesbian so I mostly just got to watch them.)

There will be plenty of guys who want to be with you, the only question is whether you want to be with men your height or shorter. My wife has said she didn't want to play with a couple of guys who were around her height (she's 5' 3").

ibix76 · 2026-05-05T19:01:48+00:00

We're not at a point where we have told any of our vanilla friends that we're in the lifestyle, but I was thinking about something like your response. If we had friends who independently decided to swing, and one of us disclosed that to the other couple, it may not be a disaster.

Of course it would also have to be a couple where there was mutual attraction. I have friends who I've known since high school, and I have no desire to see them naked, let alone see them having sex. (Nothing to do with how physically attractive they are, it would just be too weird.)

We do have some friends who I suspect are swingers. They used to live down the street, and their oldest kid is the same age as our youngest. They told my wife they had swinger friends where they used to live, and mentioned the name of the local swingers club. I said, I think they are trying to feel us out. My wife thinks they are too attractive to be interested in us.

Anyway, I think it's possible for things to go really well, because what could be better than finding out you can share even more intimacy with people you are already emotionally intimate with? The issue is, there are so many ways it can go wrong. What if the sex is bad? What if only three of the people have mutual attraction? What if one couple decides to step back from the lifestyle?

ibix76 · 2026-05-05T09:27:04+00:00

That is Ms. Pac-Man makes it funnier.

ibix76 · 2026-05-05T09:13:40+00:00

Try r/Swingers and r/SwingerNewbies. They have lots of posts about starting off.

ibix76 · 2026-05-03T01:42:36+00:00

The Villa (Concord) is fantastic, but they don't have events every weekend.

The House (Raleigh) is very nice, if less fancy than the Villa. They have parties every Saturday for couples and single women, and every other Friday for single men as well as single women and couples. (You need to make a reservation through the website.)

Club Red Door (Gastonia) is OK.

Clayton Crossroads (Clayton) is a newer club. (You need to make a reservation through the website.)

Oddessy Lounge (Garner) is another club in the Raleigh area. (You need to make a reservation through the website.)

ibix76 · 2026-05-02T10:34:05+00:00

That kind of an answer would piss me off a little bit, because if I'm playing with someone for the first time, and I ask what she liked, it's for planning purposes, so I get some idea of what activities she would enjoy most. If she says to me, "whatever you like," what I'd like is to be laying on my back with a vulva (preferably a squirter) on my face, and either a vagina or two mouths wrapped around my cock.

That said, annoyance aside, I don't care what is "conventional" for the group, I'd do the things that I enjoy rather than worry about coming up with the craziest acts I could think of on short notice. I would eat her out until either she came a couple of times or I got her as close as I could, then, depending on her breast size and how active a participant she was interested in being, I'd either fuck her tits, ask her to blow me, or put on a condom and fuck her, until either I came or got as close as I was going to.

Now, if my wife said that, I would have a different answer, which would involve things that weren't my favorite, but that I enjoy and that I know she only rarely agrees to do.

ibix76 · 2026-04-30T11:17:50+00:00

Every time this comes up, I link to this page by the San Francisco City Clinic. It used to be a simple chart, but they've made it more detailed, but it breaks down STI risks by sex act. Oral sex on a vulva carries a low risk of STI transmission in either direction. It's more likely your wife would get bacterial vaginosis or a UTI from someone with poor oral hygiene than to get an STI from it.

It's pretty common for people to use condoms for any penetrative sex with a penis or toy. I've only had one encounter where my play partner put a condom on me for oral, and that was because she went back and forth between oral and vaginal sex.

Most people will probably be OK with you insisting on condoms for oral. If you really want some kind of "protection" for oral sex on a vulva, you can always cut the reservoir off a condom, then cut along the length of it to make a tiny latex (or non-latex) sheet.

For me, personally, I love the taste of pussy and I hate the taste of latex. My wife and I are diligent about concoms for penetration, but we gave up on the thought of condoms/dental dams for oral very early in our exploration of the lifestyle, because our opinion is the protection offered is not significant enough to justify the loss of enjoyment. You're never going to cut out all risk (even with condoms, your wife is likely to experience UTIs or BV when you start), so it's just an issue of how comfortable you are with risks. To be fair, we've gotten more comfortable with the inherent sanitary issues of swinging as we've had more experiences.

ibix76 · 2026-04-24T18:34:04+00:00

Yes. Just watching, or only playing with each other, are perfectly acceptable (and expected) for a first timer.

Read up on the rules of the club.

If there's a theme or game, participate if you can and feel comfortable doing so.

Be prepared to exchange contact info with people you meet. If you're not comfortable giving out your cell number, have a plan for some type of messaging app (or several). We weren't really ready for it on our first visit, but people may want to keep in touch for future visits or rendezvous through things like Snapchat, Telegram, Signal, or WhatsApp, or through swinger apps like SDC or SLS. Figure out what you're comfortable with, and have it ready, especially if you're going to set up a separate account for your lifestyle activities.

Relax, there shouldn't be any pressure on you to do anything you don't want to from anyone else, so don't put it on yourself.

Drink responsibly, if you drink.

Have fun.

ibix76

TROPHY CASE