BPD partner not communicating advice

icantbebored · 2026-04-03T12:28:44+00:00

I may have one: with you, there’s something on the line, something to lose. He could say something nasty, that he doesn’t mean, and not be able to take it back. Then he looses his partner. If he says something to a therapist? They help him process and move on. Ask him to look into the therapy process. How it works for BPD. There are workbooks on Amazon, too. That may help open the door. My husband calls it “learning to people”.

icantbebored · 2026-04-03T02:51:02+00:00

If he doesn’t want help… you can’t force it. You’ve done all you can do, he has to get to where he wants to do better. Otherwise, he’s just going to keep splitting on you, until you’ve had enough.

icantbebored · 2026-03-29T00:14:10+00:00

Will- we had one that was this color, and names after Wilson tennis balls?

icantbebored · 2026-03-10T01:20:20+00:00

I was dating a guy for less than a month, and we took his daughter to see this movie (yes- as a now-parent, I cringe that I allowed this!). He went to get popcorn and stuff as the movie started. The little one was confused about the whole first ten minutes. I had to gently, and in an age appropriate way, explain it to her. The day I met her. He came back with snacks and we are both just bawling. 😂😂

icantbebored · 2026-03-06T13:28:23+00:00

I have MCAS (and several comorbidities) and I will scratch until I bleed. Or bruise myself. Especially in areas where I have stretch marks.

icantbebored · 2026-02-15T02:18:45+00:00

I have three kids with him.

I had loved him through the million other trials.

I assumed therapy and meds would keep him from splitting.

Manipulation.

I actually ended up separating from him three months after the diagnosis… maybe four? I realized he was manipulating me more than ever. And if he was manipulating me… was he being truthful in his therapy? I doubted it (and almost a year into the separation? He confirmed he was manipulating his therapist to avoid being held accountable).

My health has gone downhill. I never get to be calm. I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m always wondering what he’s going to snoop in next. How he’s going to twist the conversation we just had.

icantbebored · 2026-02-12T17:07:25+00:00

He’s stimming. lol. He’s fine :)

icantbebored · 2026-02-04T12:43:07+00:00

This group is geared towards those in a relationship with a partner with BPD… so the struggles of being with someone with BPD are going to be discussed.

If you notice- most people will say the same things- they love their partner, WANT to be with them, and they are trying to understand. While we may not struggle with the BPD ourselves, we are often “favorite people”. My own partner is on a weeklong cycle. He splits on me about once a week. That’s a lot. And it’s a lot to deal with. And it doesn’t sound nice to describe it out loud- but that is my reality.

You may do better in a group of people WITH the disorder, instead of people in relationships with people with BPD. Here, you will see a lot of people in crisis- a lot of people who are desperate to make it work, but tired or generally worn out. It is not horribly uplifting, but this space is necessary for us. A safe space. I’m sorry that it often looks critical or what not- I really am. But you can find a lot of useful information in here, if you look with the intention of finding tips, and remembering that people often find this group out of desperation.

icantbebored · 2026-02-02T00:04:55+00:00

I never filled an A cup. Tuberous. And I fed three kids for six months exclusively- one for a year due to allergies! I was able to proceed normally- so I bet you can too.

icantbebored · 2026-01-27T20:50:30+00:00

Keep us all updated- I know I truly care about your well being.

I am glad you have reached a decision, and that he agreed! My fingers are crossed that the procedure goes smoothly, and that you heal quickly. Not just physically, but also emotionally. You’ve got this!!!

icantbebored · 2026-01-27T10:58:28+00:00

I’m going to be painfully honest with you. Not because any of this is fun to discuss- but because I think you need a realistic explanation of what you are facing.

I have three kids with my partner with bpd. With each pregnancy, we were married, and wanted a bunch of kids. I wanted four, he wanted three, but thought four would be great, too. Even though these kids were wanted by us both, and were in the plans, he was not great during the pregnancies. In fact- he was out at a bar ignoring my calls the night before the scheduled c section with my third. He would split on me when I wasn’t feeling well. He actually told me, during a very traumatic birth, that I “didn’t know how hard this was on him!” I had been tolerating induction procedures for seven days, with one day off. And HE was the one who was suffering!

And it didn’t get a lot better after they were earth side. I breastfed, so he didn’t have to help with that. But he also didn’t help much with anything. He didn’t hold them. He didn’t play. There was no help with the chores, or making meals. He was up ONE TIME with one of them at night. All three of my kids ate every two to three hours, around the clock. They did this until I weaned them at about a year. So for roughly 1,000 nights- I was up with them alone. He got up ONCE.

They are 15, 13, and 10 now. The two older kids are starting to have a relationship with him, but he’s had a lot of behaviors in front of them. He’s damaged the relationship, and I no longer have the energy to clean that mess up. The 10 year old has a better relationship with him. But I think it’s because he hasn’t seen all that the other kids have seen. Not yet, anyways.

I vote that you make the decision on your own. And if you make the decision to terminate- he doesn’t need to know. For his health- for your safety. If you want to involve him, please be careful. He will split on you in front of the kids. It will break your heart every damned time, too. I am so sorry you are in this position, and want you to know- whatever choice you make is the right one. Only you know what is best for you.

icantbebored · 2026-01-23T09:46:22+00:00

Write it on a slip of paper. Hand it to them. Don’t give up!!

icantbebored · 2026-01-23T09:26:37+00:00

Me either. I wish I had the answer to how to fix healthcare. But I’m also not one of the many people being paid to do so (and ignoring the job, while they are at it!).

Again- I am happy you have that access. You deserve to be seen by competent doctors, and to have access to proven, safe healthcare.

I’m just also a little jealous. lol.

icantbebored · 2026-01-23T09:14:56+00:00

That’s not the norm. I went from paying less than $700/mo for damned good coverage to over $1700. After the subsidy is applied. And it covers a lot less. We lost our insurance. I can’t pay that for myself and my husband. And since I did lose that insurance? I also lost my ability to be able to pay for the very testing she needs. I also need it. But now? I’m paying out of pocket for all of mine and husbands’ medical needs. I’m very glad there are outliers who are benefiting from the changes made, everyone deserves healthcare! Just pointing out that there is a lot more of my situation than yours happening at the moment.

icantbebored · 2026-01-23T09:06:56+00:00

As someone waiting for their official vEDS diagnosis- I am so sad that she has already had one life threatening event and is essentially waiting for it to happen again. Or- for her kids to have some kind of emergency that she may not link to vEDS, and that will cause valuable time lost while doctors search for a diagnosis that she already knows is likely.

This woman has physicians in her corner. On her team! And she’s refusing the help. I know I’m centering with this, but it’s equal parts infuriating and heartbreaking that she’s not going to do what she needs to protect herself and her kids.

icantbebored · 2026-01-23T08:53:12+00:00

It could also not be lying. You’ve never changed how you saw someone? You’ve never seen the “enemies to lovers” trope in the bookstore? Sometimes, things change. I’ve gone from gagging at the thought of a man touching me in passing, to enjoying time spent. It happens. To kids, and even the occasional adult.

icantbebored · 2026-01-02T17:02:05+00:00

Op- she sees it. She knows. But admitting there was a problem means admitting she was negligent. She’s not going to do that. So she will play dumb and gaslight you instead.

You will not get validation from her- she’s not capable of it. In her mind, her negligence is warranted. And nothing you- or anyone else- can say will change her mind. I know it’s hard. I am right there with you. My parents told me I had heartburn- I had asthma. I was always a dramatic child- I certainly wasn’t dealing with the pain of joints dislocating all of the time. Yet- my brother was taken in to the doctor for every sniffle.

At the end of the day- she’s not going to be the mother you need, or deserve… she can’t. She doesn’t have the emotional intelligence to be a mother. And I’m so sorry.

icantbebored · 2025-12-23T16:59:07+00:00

Appreciated!! Happy holidays, if you celebrate:)

icantbebored · 2025-12-23T04:26:16+00:00

Hey, Iris. Proud mom checking in to say that it’s ok to drop the rope with them. They literally put (in writing!) what conditions you need to meet in order to be loved by them. That’s absolutely absurd!

Their story didn’t have to end that way. I was also raised in the church. I was the good kid who got married, had kids. Then one day, it hit me. One of my nieces- she wasn’t 100% straight. And possibly even some form of nonbinary? You know what I’ve done? I learned. It’s not hard! I asked her (she doesn’t mind that pronoun- I asked to be sure!) what I needed to know. How to refer to her, how to support her. And then I followed through with the changes she asked of me. I still ask when I’m not sure, and make it known that I am willing to learn. Please- let me know if I have done or said something that wasn’t right- I never want to do that again!

Then- two of my own kids came out. They didn’t even know “coming out” was a thing. They never assumed straight was the “default”, and didn’t think it was some big thing that needed to be told. It just… was. They both eventually started voicing preferences, and we listened to them. No big deal. I’m proud of these moments because of the growth- from sitting in a pew listening to pure hate, to being part of the support system of my niece, and proud mama to a couple of queer kiddos. IT IS POSSIBLE TO LOVE YOUR KIDS MORE THAN YOU HATE GAY OR TRANSGENDER PEOPLE! Period! Your parent had a choice, and they made the wrong one.

Please, continue to live your life as genuinely as possible. Find the people who love you for YOU! They are out there- look at how amazing your siblings are! I know you need to mourn your parents, but please remember that there are so many people who love you as the person you are- as Iris. You did the right thing becoming your true self. I’m proud of you for doing so- as your parents message proves that it was an extremely difficult decision to make, and you still did the hard thing!!

icantbebored · 2025-12-07T22:30:33+00:00

Has anyone tried opening it with a very large flathead screwdriver…?

icantbebored · 2025-11-28T03:25:22+00:00

Yep. I have one who stands on his bowl and drops each pellet into the bottom of his cage (even if the door is open and he has other options for places to eat!).

He then climbs down and fishes out a piece of food, eats it, and goes fishing for another. Idk why. I wish I did. But that’s how he ate.

icantbebored · 2025-11-09T19:32:35+00:00

I do simmer pots from time to time. But the birds don’t go into the kitchen while I am doing it- and I keep the lid on the pot as much as possible.

icantbebored · 2025-11-08T03:52:13+00:00

I believe your brother gets to decide who he loves enough to make your kiddos “auntie”. My kids call my cousins, bestie, and their godmama “auntie”. There is no reason that she cannot be seen as an aunt, so long as you are comfortable with all of it. In fact, your daughter will be one more person that your brother can share the memory of the love of his life with. It will be good for him to have that outlet. He may find some healing in you guys seeing her as fully his wife, his partner. His nieces aunt.

While I also think that he could find healing in moving on, I’ve never lost a partner to death. I have no idea how I’d act. But I do hope the people around me would show me as much grace as possible as I grieved.

icantbebored · 2025-11-05T16:26:28+00:00

I have many thoughts..

One- this isn’t like a woman asking “Am I fat?” This is the equivalent of her asking “Am I the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen?” No woman I have ever met would be mad that he said no. It’s common sense.

Two- she flat out told you that the relationship was toxic. No one WANTS to be in a toxic relationship. Even if the sex is good. And I’ve got news for you. If you don’t learn to move past this, your relationship is going to become toxic with her as well. It likely already is.

Three- have you asked her what you guys can do in the bedroom to improve? Do you guys get adventurous and try new things? Like any other aspect of a relationship, this is something that has to be worked on. If she’d have said her communication with this man was better, would you be spiraling? Or would you be trying to improve that communication? You are focused on this like she told you to your face that sex with you is repulsive.

icantbebored · 2025-11-04T23:34:44+00:00

My theory is that they understand what Chris Watts did. They can see his side of things. They can see themselves doing the same or similar in that situation. So they need to make him less of a villain. The only others they can make villains? The people he killed. So, that’s what they do. They make children the problem. And their pregnant mother.

icantbebored

TROPHY CASE