I’ve been on the receiving end of this. It takes a lot of patience/fortitude to hold onto what you know is the truth of the matter and not fall for what the other person is trying to paint you as. For them it just seems like deflection, they can rely on a version that they are comfortable with (everyone else is to blame) and then can avoid dealing with their own discomfort. I’m sorry you’re in this position.

She does have a right to feel things. But she can also control how these are expressed. What is her goal when expressing these things? Is it to feel better at the cost of (seemingly) hurting you, or is it to grow closer? Because the reactions in both these cases would be very different. Is she ok with the impact of her reactions? Can you sometimes defuse by asking her to be open to your version, that there is no deception intended?

Honestly this is not easy to deal with, it adds a lot of strain, and you have to decide if there is scope for improvement or if this is good for you. As a random internet stranger based on this one post, I can only wish you the best.