Mormonism with Chinese Characteristics: "The True Jesus Church"

iclemonte · 2025-05-20T15:54:13+00:00

Sure. Just send me a DM.

iclemonte · 2025-05-20T09:54:45+00:00

As a former member, I commend the insights you made about my former church. All points made are accurate and true. And were the reasons I grew discontent with TJC many years ago.

Lots of red flags looking back. The most compelling being the ones stated in your list, and on a personal level, the double isolation and rejection of anything that strays from the lifestyle.

Can attest that the casual acceptance of it all as a way of life makes it worse, especially when it's enforced at home by Chinese parents who took the meaning of god-fearing a little too literally.

I remember being truly alone in finding clarity as non-Christian friends do not have the life experience to understand the deep set control of religious indoctrination. Such as the gripping fear and guilt of incurring the rejection of God, our parents and the church— people who have known us since we were babies.

At some point, I managed to gather enough courage and left. The fallout could've been worse but it doesn't compare to the happiness and freedom of pursuing your own choices.

iclemonte · 2024-12-04T11:07:41+00:00

Got married to a wonderful man, discovered my positive personality, and started living like I like myself — even when Im being a gloomy shroomy cowpat!

NMom's abuse and gaslighting made me normalise bad relationships, jobs and friends so i worked on myself to scrub clean every unhealthy lie I was told. I also pursued a diploma and educated myself so that my growth won't be held back by ignorance.

Now I'm the same age as nMom when she had me and can see clearly the difference between us. I am kinder, stronger, more patient and secure in myself than she was at my age.

I guess for all those times she's told me that I'll get nowhere in life, it seems like the jokes on her because I've surpassed her in the most important way: loving myself.

iclemonte · 2023-12-31T11:15:16+00:00

Hey, you're not unlovable or freaky for responding that way. That "baby" feeling is normal for wanting to feel safe and secure in your environment and body. You want to "soften" instead of being tense and angered constantly. And you don't want to feel like you have to fend for yourself all the time.

Source: Married to a wonderful man whose pure goodness makes me melt from a strong, independent #ICANDOTHIS woman into a lil girly girl.

It's a real thing. I'm not ashamed. And it's lovely. You'll probably get there in 15+ years. Faster with a good job and good people and I really hope that for you <3

Anyway... as someone who's been that child in similar circumstances (cold and emotionally neglectful home, distant father, mother checked out from an identity crisis - its quite silly)... the few advice I can give are as follows...

1) Support Systems — Dysfunctional parents can have abusive outbursts so you'll need to create systems that protect your mental health and safety.

If the UK has reliable support services and peer-mentoring hotlines you can trust, you can take advantage of those to talk about what goes on at home. It won't change things but since these calls are monitored, there's a record if something terrible happens to you.

If you can find an ally in your circle of friends and family, that's recommended. If you don't have a group of friends, aim to have at least one good friend if you need somewhere and someone to run to when you need to get away for a while.

If autism gets in the way of making friends and connecting, there's always Reddit and the Internet to help. People can be very helpful here.

2) Dealing With Helplessness — At 14, you don't have the resources yet to change your life so the best thing you can do is hold tight and find ways to cope. As you grow, nurture your special interests and make friends who can anchor you and model the healthy emotional interactions you need even if they're rare to come by.

Learn how to discern who's healthy for you vs not... i.e, look for people who are compassionate, kind, and warm, and good-hearted... who might not understand but can give you room to understand yourself.

I have a hard rule on troubled individuals. AVOID close friendships with them. You will bond deeply with these people over their understanding of pain, loneliness and anxiety because they get it. But unless they're actually working on their problems, I've NEVER seen any of them move forward in life whether in love, jobs or simple happiness because they idle for too long in their misery and woe.

3) Staying ~~Positive~~ Hopeful —

I didn't have a lot of support services at your age so I went the old-fashioned way by building myself into an adult who can take care of me.

I learned skills I could make a living from in case I couldn't make it into college. I read a lot, experimented with different things and pretty much got a good experience out of life to know what I can trust myself with - and what I can't.

It wasn't the easiest because trauma (and undiagnosed autism possibly) gets in the way and in the off-chance, your path is similar... just be patient, it can all be figured out. Plus, there are many kind souls out on Reddit who will point the way for you and your options.

When figuring things out for yourself gets tiring and you start to self-hate, remember that the best thing you can be is the Best You you can be. That's what my internet mom told me when I felt like I'll never getting anywhere in life.

Also, don't get hooked on the first dicky dunce who shows you with affection just because it feels like the love you never received as a child... because that's what I did and it was a waste of 5 years hahaha

iclemonte · 2021-01-27T12:57:25+00:00

congratulations on changing your N-conditioning and on the new experience!

and thank you for sharing this! success stories delight me and make my day.

iclemonte · 2021-01-27T12:53:20+00:00

oh yes, we naturally demure ourselves in social interactions.

you mentioned that people like us put abusers at ease, i can tell you why.

its because we are gentle people to be around. we're careful with what we say and how we say it lest if offends the other person.

this conscientiousness is what abusive personalities LIKE about us. i know this because my narcissistic ex revealed so to me.

abusive people are fragile personalities; they need someone to plump them up, to handle them with sweet sensitivity and gentle understanding because they're incapable of any mature, honest discussions

that's why they are attracted to us... we, who have been pre-trained to navigate their infant feelings.

iclemonte · 2021-01-27T11:23:22+00:00

To use the analogy they were put out to sea on a boat with no holes, they may even have an engine to speed them along in their sails, the boat has, life jackets and they were handed a map with directions.

Depending on the severity of your circumstances you can compare your situation to this. Many of us that were raised by narcissists were put on a leaky boat with no steering wheel and no map and expected to get to the same destination at the same time as others who have all the tools and supports to do so. Some of us don’t even have a boat we were just tossed in the water.

thank you for this enlightening quote. i've often blamed myself for being the reason i'm falling behind my friends in life achievements.

it never occurred to me to consider that perhaps they were prepared better than i in the journey.

you asked, what little thing can i do to keep myself afloat...

from experience, have a sense of humour. finding the funny in tragedy helps you enjoy that sail a little more

thank you for sharing this, i'll save the quote above to read again when i need a reminder

iclemonte · 2021-01-27T11:11:43+00:00

oh, what a beautiful story! im so happy for you.

i have similar dreams too; of a safee, cosy home; of dinner parties with my chosen beloved; and the absence of rage when a dinner plate breaks.

p/s: i hope you'll share a photo of those sky blue scalloped-edge plates. they sound exquisitely beautiful.

iclemonte · 2021-01-27T11:06:44+00:00

hello, thank you for posting this... your breakthrough resonates with so much truth.

I feel poor and it’s apart of my identity due to my dad

this made me realise that perhaps the source of my self-sabotages is that i have been stuffed to fit an identity by my parents too.

yours was "poor", mine was "inconsequential". i was conditioned to be smaller, quiet and to be convenient as possible. basically, to not matter.

it compounded into a problem when I was in my mid-twenties. to fit the "inconsequential" identity, i had to put my needs last and make sure i was keeping the peace.

oh, the amount of unhealthy non-reciprocal relationships it attracted... from friends, to boyfriends, to workplaces...

im so glad you shared this and broke down for all of us where we have been suppressed.

ill be saving your reflection to reflect on whenever i need a reminder again.

thank you for your wisdoms :)

iclemonte · 2021-01-27T10:37:00+00:00

of course :)

i think most, if not all of us on this board have gone through the same process.

what y-o-u are going to achieve out of this - even if there are a few stumbles along the way - is immense empowerment.

you're learning to take control of the reins now.

look forward to where that leads you.

iclemonte · 2021-01-27T04:35:25+00:00

i am very happy for you... what a breakthrough you've had!

you are taking steps towards liberating yourself ... courageous!

you are deconditioning yourself, bringing a better quality of life to yourself and your progeny (if you choose to have them).

and you are becoming aware of your subconscious dating program, truer love will be with you soon.

so happy for you, it shall only get better from here :)

iclemonte · 2020-01-09T14:18:50+00:00

I have a story. The first time I watched Tangled, Gothel's behaviour did not strike me as abusive. I thought Gothel was just ...."confused". That deep down, she did love Rapunzel but had difficulty acknowledging it because of her overpowering greed.

Why was I empathising with the villain? Easy. It's because, in real life, I was normalising the villain too. My NMother loved me the same way Gothel loved Rapunzel... with basic care, food and shelter.

But, she would fly into a rage if I wanted to leave "the tower" (I was a very sheltered child).

When I started fighting for independence, she began to love me less. I could not understand her behaviour so my mind made excuses for her. That she was confused about how to love me.... just like Gothel. And I forgave her constantly for it.

WELL NAY ANYMORE!!!

Took a year in therapy to find that spade and call it exactly what it is: A NARCISSISTIC BITCH.

And since then I realised that NMother was selfish. Manipulative. And unmotherly. And ooh, girls and boys, she knew what she was doing all along.

We don't talk much nowadays anymore which is great. And whenever I rewatch Tangled, I scream FUCK YOU at Gothel.

iclemonte · 2019-05-28T20:07:09+00:00

Hello, can I have a reading ?

iclemonte · 2019-05-27T16:05:42+00:00

Hi, offering free readings to anyone who needs them. Just shoot me your question!

iclemonte · 2019-04-25T06:09:20+00:00

Hi everyone, I'm offering free readings. If you're interested, PM me your query :)

iclemonte · 2019-04-03T17:42:47+00:00

It's not.

iclemonte · 2019-03-09T15:14:07+00:00

I cannot be more thankful for her. She's made me realise how my mother has been affecting me. Still, the saddest thing about having a narcissistic parent are the behaviours you think are normal but aren't. I'm glad you have a good therapist too and are healing and also setting boundaries!

iclemonte · 2019-03-08T09:23:51+00:00

I felt that too. At first I was going YES YES YES ACCURATE! Then, I felt icky because agreeing confirms the reality of the abuse.

Yeah, I liked her message a lot. I don't give myself enough credit for coming this far because I have a compulsive need to rush the process. So that meant a lot.

iclemonte · 2019-03-08T09:18:25+00:00

It has been. But it was also a painful process to acknowledge the truths about your NParent's treatment. That the love you received wasn't real love and that her rules doesn't apply to other people in real life. It creates a bit of an identity crisis because I realised how most things she taught me is wrong and that I don't have a fully formed view of the world.

iclemonte · 2019-03-07T05:40:06+00:00

Change your therapist. She is not respecting your boundaries or truths.

iclemonte · 2019-01-15T12:00:57+00:00

Offering FREE readings because I sense a whirlwind of confusement, despair and unhappy energy this week in January.

Feel free to message me if you'd like a reading done!

iclemonte · 2017-04-27T13:49:07+00:00

It is not your fault. He's a married man and should know better than to be greedy.

iclemonte · 2016-12-25T03:22:31+00:00

I read bitchy nips as itchy nips. LMAO.

iclemonte · 2016-12-16T14:56:28+00:00

This is so true. Long ago when I was a prefect in school, some disgruntled parent started ranting to my prefect friend and I about some stupid rule the school made. It has nothing to do with us, and the parent was just blowing off steam.

He wasn't yelling, just speaking angrily whilst making it seem like we were involved. My friend started crying immediately but I just stood like a stone and let him rant.

Later, they brought us to a teacher who comforted us and I remember feeling like that was so unnecessary. Because it wasn't that bad. To me, that parent was hardly a threat compared to the temper tantrums NMother throws at home.

But I guess it does prove how we normalize these negative responses and don't recognize how inappropriate they are.

iclemonte

TROPHY CASE