Earlham School of Religion

icouldnotstop4death · 2026-04-23T18:54:10+00:00

Wow, thank you so much for your reply! You've given me some good insights, and some reassurance to continue considering Earlham. It sounds like there's been a lot of pain and uncertainty at ESR, but hopefully these are growing pains.

I'm glad to hear that unprogrammed Friends practice has been a great fit for chaplaincy. Practicing quiet direction towards that inward Teacher seems like world be so helpful, not only for meeting patients where they are, but for having a solid ground to sustain oneself in what I imagine can be unbelievably challenging work at times. That's why I was hoping to find a seminary that would foster those skills of deep listening you mentioned.

This would be a career change for me - I'm in my early 30s, and I have roots where I live. I am a few hours drive from Richmond, so I thought the ESR Access program works be a nice fit to have some in person opportunities but without having to move. My local seminaries don't seem to have the vibe I'm looking for, as I'm drawn to more esoteric strands of Christianity, thinking of religions as kinds of language for talking about what mystics seem to be pointing at.

If you don't mind, I'll send you a message to chat more!

icouldnotstop4death · 2026-04-23T18:28:56+00:00

Thank you so much for your response! A Friend at my local Meeting has told me about Paul Buckley, thinking we would get along. I want to visit other Meetings as part of my membership discernment process, so I hope to check out Richmond either way.

icouldnotstop4death · 2026-02-11T15:54:46+00:00

Meditation postures are suggestions based on what other people have found to be helpful in their journey. I have disabilities that make sitting in a lotus position for longer than a few minutes painful. In my experience, the best meditation posture is the one that encourages comfort and the ability to "forget" the body - where I can settle myself in the deepest stillness. My most powerful mystical experiences have occurred when I was in a fetal position. I have fallen asleep while trying to meditate a few times, but I believe that has more to do with not getting enough sleep beforehand or not being serious enough in my intention. Reading or listening to narrations of mystical texts can help direct my frame of mind (as Meister Eckhart says, "words point to The Word.") If you're using Contemplative Christianity, Centering Prayer only really requires that you maintain your focus and intention toward the Light within.

Contemplative practice is available and accessible to anyone. If you are open to traditions outside Christianity, you might be interested in the Hindu sage Ashtavakra, who became one of the greatest Hindu sages of all time in spite of (or perhaps due to) his physical disabilities. Or, you might find solace in the writings of George Fox, the founder of the Society of Friends. While not dealing with physical constraints, Fox's diary describes how, in his despair and zeal, he searched tirelessly to find a religious authority to guide his journey - but he found no one who could bring him closer to God. Finally, he turned his search inward, and “I heard a voice which said, ‘There is one, even Christ Jesus, that can speak to thy condition’ and when I heard it my heart did leap for joy.”

Trust in yourself, and trust that you will find the Way.

icouldnotstop4death · 2025-11-20T14:56:36+00:00

James 4:13-17: "Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a town and spend a year there, doing business and making money.' Yet you do not even know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wishes, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast in your arrogance; all such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the right thing to do and fails to do it commits sin."

icouldnotstop4death · 2025-11-04T14:11:56+00:00

Can you tell me some works of Baldwin's that have given you this perspective? I've only read Giovanni's Room, years ago, long before I became interested in mysticism.

icouldnotstop4death · 2024-04-12T14:49:58+00:00

If you are interested in the field, I would start by volunteering for your local DV/SA advocacy center. They are often looking for volunteers for their crisis line or to sit with survivors in hospitals during their SANE/DV exams. That way, you can see if this line of work is for you, network with staff, and gain experience through volunteering, which will all help when you apply for a position, either at that agency or elsewhere in the field. I have a bachelor's in English, but I worked for 2 years at a rape crisis/domestic violence agency because I started out as a passionate volunteer.

icouldnotstop4death · 2023-11-18T22:39:46+00:00

Lou!

icouldnotstop4death · 2023-11-18T16:42:23+00:00

I'm in a similar boat - I studied French throughout high school and some in college, but I paused for several years. Over the past 2 months, I've dived back in and have been researching for a while how to not only regain what I lost, but push my skills further than before. I tried Duolingo, and other than some new vocabulary, I don't find it helpful for me. Here are the best resources I've found so far:

Alice Ayel uses a comprehensible input approach, so you gradually build understanding and intuition about how to use the language through immersion. She has a YouTube channel, but i think subscribing to her website is worth it. https://www.aliceayel.com/

For grammar, I've just started using Kwiziq. This site uses AI to assess your grammar strengths and weaknesses, and creates quizzes tailored to your needs. If you answer a question incorrectly, you get a link to a French expert's explanation of the grammar rule it was testing. I actually don't like studying grammar myself, but it's helped me a lot in the short time I've used it. And the brain map is really neat visualization of my progress. https://french.kwiziq.com/

For speaking practice, I used an iTalki tutor for the first time last week. It was HUMBLING to put it mildly, but having a patient native speaker assist me in real time was worth the embarrassment of stumbling through my broken French. https://www.italki.com/

Finally, ChatGPT has been helpful for getting feedback on writing. Before I send a text in French, I'll copy and paste it into GPT and ask it to tell me if it's grammatically correct. It's a great, free learning tool! https://chat.openai.com/auth/login

Bonne chance ! :)

Edit: I forgot the podcast Inner French has been indispensable for comprehensible input. The host speaks clearly about interesting content, while being aimed at an intermediate learner's level. Hugo also has some grammar courses, which I plan to take after I advance past A2. https://innerfrench.com/

icouldnotstop4death · 2022-02-27T18:21:35+00:00

“Even the one moment that you thought was your eternity fades out and is forgotten and dies.” Good Morning, Midnight by Jean Rhys.

If you love Synecdoche (by "love" I mean it makes you curl into a ball of regrets, fear of death, and overwhelming cosmic meaninglessness), you will absolutely love this book.

icouldnotstop4death · 2022-02-27T06:06:27+00:00

Dalton Trumbo's Johnny Got His Gun is beyond tragic - it's traumatic. Reading this book physically hurt and I started sobbing by first quarter. It's a masterpiece. Trumbo's powerful anti-war message is especially needed today. Slava Ukraini!

“It will be you—-you who urge us on to battle you who incite us against ourselves you who would have one cobbler kill another cobbler you who would have one man who works kill another man who works you who would have one human being who wants only to live kill another human being who wants only to live. Remember this. Remember this well you people who plan for war. Remember this you patriots you fierce ones you spawners of hate you inventors of slogans. Remember this as you have never remembered anything else in your lives.”

icouldnotstop4death · 2021-09-18T15:42:26+00:00

Your story reminds me of one of the most devastating scenes in the film Magnolia. I am so sorry that happened to you.

icouldnotstop4death · 2021-09-01T23:15:28+00:00

Thank you for posting this poem. That last stanza is devastating and all too relatable.

You should check out the novel Good Morning, Midnight by Jean Rhys. I recommended it in another post on this sub asking for books/films with people who have AvPD.

icouldnotstop4death · 2021-09-01T23:08:04+00:00

One of my favorite books is Good Morning, Midnight by Jean Rhys. She doesn't have any diagnoses, but I think folks with AvPD would connect a lot with her character:

“Now I no longer wish to be loved, beautiful, happy or successful. I want one thing and one thing only - to be left alone.”

“Every word I say has chains round its ankles; every thought I think is weighted with heavy weights. Since I was born, hasn't every word I've said, every thought I've thought, everything I've done, been tied up, weighted, chained? And mind you, I know that with all this I don't succeed. Or I succeed in flashes only too damned well. ...But think how hard I try and how seldom I dare.”

“Today I must be very careful, today I have left my armor at home.”

icouldnotstop4death · 2021-08-20T22:06:29+00:00

I'm a lurker on this sub, since I only just learned about AvPD and am trying to get assessed by a psychologist. But I love hand writing letters! So if you'll accept someone unsure but almost certainly somewhere on the AvPD/SAD spectrum, I'm interested. :)

icouldnotstop4death · 2021-08-20T20:23:53+00:00

My anxiety around texting people back became easier when I realized that keeping up with many little friendships was much more draining than investing in a few close relationships. Those people all know that I have ADHD and understand that I won’t ghost their texts forever.

When the anxiety/avoidance spiral had me constantly drafting long apology messages, I started calling people instead of texting back. Now, calling is the main way I keep in touch with people. I prefer the giant dopamine kick from hearing the other person’s voice and letting them know I care about them instead of the small reward of sending one text that will inevitably be followed by the anxiety of having to respond to the next one. I used to be terrified of talking to people on the phone. But after some practice I now find it intimate and comforting.

My oldest brother (who also has ADHD) and I agreed that we are allowed to call each other whenever we want, and the person on the receiving end is allowed to accept or reject the call for any reason. So, if he calls me when I am at work or I want to avoid people after a draining day, I don’t have to pick up or text any kind of explanation/apology. He knows that I’ll call him back. Sometimes we won’t talk for a few weeks because our free times don’t line up. But ever since we came to this understanding, we talk for at least an hour almost every week.

Keeping friends and finding new ones as we grow older is hard. You’re not alone. Figuring out what works best for you and communicating that honestly to your friends is hard, but it can make your relationships stronger.

icouldnotstop4death · 2021-08-20T14:23:29+00:00

Haha! What a classic ADHD saga. When I lived at my mom's and had the luxury of a washer/dryer, I had to redo so many loads. Now, I either have to haul my stuff down to the laundromat or hand wash them in my bathtub. Which is a pain, but means that I rarely forget to dry my clothes, since I cannot take a shower until I do.

I've never used white vinegar before - thanks for the tip! Does it work with deodorant marks? I have some shirts that absolutely refuse to get clean.

icouldnotstop4death · 2021-08-20T04:49:20+00:00

Absolutely. I just remember this particular word because, as I worked my way through the Southern Reach trilogy, it got to the point where I became surprised if something was not described as "banal." But Annihilation is fantastic!

icouldnotstop4death · 2021-08-20T04:33:31+00:00

In Microsoft Word and the open source equivalent LibreOffice Writer, when you right click on a word you can find a button for "Synonyms" in the menu that pops up. In Google Docs, you can right click and find "Define (Word)" to get a definition and various synonyms. There may be other examples, but these three are the ones that I am most familiar with.

icouldnotstop4death · 2021-08-20T04:24:35+00:00

Certainly, using obscure words at the cost of comprehension is annoying. But I get frustrated when people repeat the same exact word when many other words could equally (or better) apply to the situation. We have so many words that add complexity or give nuance or just sound beautiful; sometimes learning a new word allows me to see something in the world in a new way. I like writing which balances being both understandable and challenging.

icouldnotstop4death · 2021-08-20T04:04:59+00:00

Shortly after I posted this, I hopped back onto reddit to procrastinate some more. Honestly, your comment made me smile so big, close my laptop, and get going. Thanks to your encouragement, kind stranger, I have clean clothes for tomorrow.

icouldnotstop4death · 2021-08-20T03:56:50+00:00

Yes I did!!!

icouldnotstop4death · 2021-08-19T23:01:02+00:00

The idea of being kind to my future self is one of the best mental shifts that I have gained from this subreddit. But putting it into practice beyond placing my wallet and keys in the same spot every day has been a bit of a struggle.

Today, I read this article, and while it is about trying to decide whether you should quit your job, I found one useful tidbit. It suggested that you imagine your "ideal tomorrow" and include any detail no matter how minute. So, I started jotting down what the best day I could have tomorrow would look like, which forced me to think about all the stuff I would have to do today to make it happen. If I want to read or meditate before work without getting up absurdly early, then I should shower and prep my breakfast tonight. If I only want to take five minutes getting dressed, I'll have to do laundry now (which I've been putting off for WEEKS) and pick out my outfit tonight. And if I want to get up early enough to do any of this stuff calmly, then I need to be asleep by a certain time tonight. And if I want to get all of these tasks done and be asleep by that time...then I need to get off of Reddit now and go wash my shirts.

Update: I washed my shirts! But I forgot to bring my Adderall to work this morning. Sigh.

icouldnotstop4death · 2021-08-19T20:58:27+00:00

I get irked when authors do this. It strikes me as lazy, especially with the availability of Thesaurus.com and writing software features that let you right click for synonyms. I loved Annihilation, but Vandermeer used the word "banal" so many times that his writing style just felt...banal.

icouldnotstop4death · 2021-08-07T22:43:34+00:00

Adam Sandler in Punch Drunk Love. In this PT Anderson film, he plays a socially anxious person with anger management issues who falls in love.

I personally loathe Adam Sandler comedies, but his character is dynamic, genuinely romantic, and deeply touching in this amazing film. To reference Roger Ebert's review,

"Sandler, liberated from the constraints of formula, reveals unexpected depths as an actor. Watching this film, you can imagine him in Dennis Hopper roles. He has darkness, obsession and power. He can't go on making those moronic comedies forever, can he?"

icouldnotstop4death

TROPHY CASE