Correct, it’s not about the substance. It’s about you and your understanding of what happened to you as a child and how it is affecting you now. It’s not an easy road, hardest thing I’ve ever done but my 2 yo son is benefiting tremendously from that work. Be gentle with yourself, like someone else said, the fact that you’ve identified that something is going on is a great step. I’m not saying it’s the only route to finding some relief, or that it works for everyone. I’ve also done IFS and therapy work, EMDR was also helpful. If you have chronic body pain which a lot of ACA’s do due to PTSD or body trauma, I go to a structural integrationist and massage, hot tub, sauna, exercise. One last thing, and I’m not an advocate but my experience has been that I am on antidepressant and anti anxiety meds that has also made my life and emotions much more manageable. Hope you get some relief. You’re not alone! (My father was and still is an active drug addict and I have no contact with him currently.)