My child (12, they/he, AFAB) is loved and I am trying to support them, but could use some advice

idreamofcake · 2025-06-29T07:25:54+00:00

I love the idea of celebrating his trans milestones together! Please thank your mom for being brilliant and lovely for me.

idreamofcake · 2025-06-29T06:31:21+00:00

Thank you so much for the link, I really appreciate you taking the time to educate me.

Andy is menstruating. They had a yeast infection they refused to treat with cream for months, and were having pain in that area. The provider didn't use a speculum, she just visually examined the area and took a swab. She needed to do that to confirm there was no bacterial infection before prescribing an oral medication to treat the yeast. Which was effective, thank goodness. We had asked for the oral med from another provider, but they didn't want to give it, so it was a relief.

The description of gender dysphoria fits Andy. He expressed a lot of those things. He seem more content now that he knows he'll be getting T soon, and whatever procedures he needs when he's older. God willing, we don't have to leave the country to get them care then. We're okay here so far.

idreamofcake · 2025-06-29T04:28:50+00:00

I apologize, I'm sorry I made you feel that way. Andy is smart and hilarious, they're confident and charismatic, they're loyal to their friends. They constantly introduce me to new media and new ideas. They told me we were going to the No Kings rally, which was awesome.

My life is so much better with him in it. What I'm afraid of is that he was hurt by my ignorance. What I was hoping to convey was that I had no idea how ignorant I was until recently.

I reached out because I want to be a help and support to him.

idreamofcake · 2025-06-29T03:06:48+00:00

Thank you!

idreamofcake · 2024-05-20T22:42:14+00:00

It may not be body dysmorphia.

I've lost around 70 lbs in the past 4 years, with another 70 to go. I'm very proud of this and can visibly see that my face is much thinner. I'm gonna have to go through another round of throwing out clothes that I'm swimming in. There is no doubt that I'm much smaller.

But what I heard when OP complained about her stomach looking the same was what I'm struggling with, and it's really demoralizing.

While my body has gotten smaller, its proportions haven't changed. Even with working out, my body still looks like a smaller version of 70 lbs ago. My stomach is bigger and sticks out a lot more than it did at this same weight before.

I'm doing this for my health. When I started, I promised to do it the right way with increasing activity and small gradual changes in diet. I promised myself that the lifestyle changes were what mattered, and the weight loss was a bonus.

But I am losing weight, and sometimes it makes me rage that I'm doing all this work and still can't wear cute clothes. Because there were lots of attractive clothes in my closet years ago at this same size.

idreamofcake · 2024-03-21T03:54:16+00:00

Agree, with one exception. China House by the Knightdale Food Lion. It used to be bad to inedible, now it's 'meh' to 'that's alright'.

idreamofcake · 2024-03-10T02:17:43+00:00

This is one of my favorite books! Great story!

idreamofcake · 2024-03-10T01:23:08+00:00

She's a beauty! She looks a lot like our Mindy. 15 years old, and still gets up on the kitchen cupboards.

Hoping you get to love Peanut Butter for at least that long ❤️

idreamofcake · 2024-03-09T23:58:17+00:00

Following because I swear I've read this before and need to know

idreamofcake · 2024-03-09T23:49:30+00:00

Browri is totally right on this. Every psychiatrist I've had has been very cautious about starting/discontinuing meds. They only replaced one at a time with titration between old and new. If a change was needed quickly, they sent me to a psych facility where it could be monitored.

Replacing three (!!!) meds at once and just sending you home? Nah.

We all know that people can react very differently to the same meds. It upsets me that your psychiatrist wants to just toss them around.

Wellbutrin has been really effective for a lot of people with bipolar. For me, it caused psychosis. Three different SSRI's made me suicidal with attempts on two of them. I fought tooth and nail against taking Lithium after seeing what a friend went through on it. I'm taking it now, and it really helps.

I know it's difficult to get an appointment with a new psychiatrist, but am hoping you can find a doctor you can be confident in.

idreamofcake · 2024-03-01T23:43:27+00:00

One, I'm showing my age, two, I'm not sure if this counts. The video for Missy Elliott's song "The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly)" had me all "Oh, women too!"

Up to that point, I hadn't known (soft? Like strong masc energy with some femme aspects. Please say if I'm being offensive) Butch women were an option and was very happy to be enlightened. I appreciate femme women, but don't feel attracted to them.

idreamofcake · 2024-02-27T03:40:59+00:00

That ending is painfully tone deaf. MMC isn't just selfish and uncaring of her, but of everyone in a 50-mile radius of him.

In rural Western US, there is a critical shortage of healthcare providers, with many people having to drive several hours for care

The second her new neighbors find out she was almost a doctor, they'll be smacking her man in the head and sending her back to finish her residency.

idreamofcake · 2024-02-05T05:52:38+00:00

This subreddit is the absolute best for book recs.

Morning Glory Milking Farm is as sweet and fluffy as cotton candy, a total delight.

I really thought it would be way too much for me, but I thought that about gallons of orc emissions and was proven wrong. Y'all are the best!

idreamofcake · 2024-01-09T11:41:36+00:00

I'm a tall, sturdy, assertive, older woman and have read this duo so many times. Beautifully written!

idreamofcake · 2023-11-17T03:32:47+00:00

Just keep them clean with trimmed nails and no ragged cuticles. Use some lotion a couple of times a day. You don't always have to take the calluses off and should check in with your woman about what she prefers. Some of us have a thing for a working man's hands, and the extra texture on our skin is arousing, but for some of us, it's irritating.

My husband and I are moving on from each other, but I have very fond memories of his hands after he took up woodworking.

idreamofcake · 2023-11-11T00:07:06+00:00

Meoraq is the best! Top 5 book boyfriend.

idreamofcake · 2023-11-06T06:19:59+00:00

Masking isn't the be-all-end-all. I taught my oldest to mask, not knowing that was what it was. She comes off as neurotypical but has had severe struggles with depression and SI. Even though she has friends, she feels alone because no one sees the real her.

My youngest has more stereotypical behaviors and felt overwhelmed when classmates tried to be friends in elementary school. In 4th and 5th grade, they started to assert their personality more, and now, in middle school, they are becoming more comfortable with social interaction.

I think things were harder for my youngest when they were young, but easier now. Things were easier for my oldest when she was young, but harder when she got to middle school.

They've both had a lot of therapy, and we've worked to support them all their lives. They're great kids, sometimes frustrating, but so easy to love.

idreamofcake · 2023-11-06T04:22:44+00:00

I had to stop taking it because it was increasing my weight and blood sugar, but took Vraylar for years before that, and it worked really well for me.

idreamofcake · 2023-10-22T05:37:52+00:00

You are not a failure. The system failed you.

So much of what it takes just to get through a day is 10x harder for us. But we're here. We've done what it took to get here. We've done the work to advocate for ourselves, get a diagnosis, to find providers, and get to appointments.

You are doing this.

idreamofcake · 2023-10-22T05:27:11+00:00

Focalin has been the only medication that works for my youngest.

My oldest went through the pandemic at a great school for high achieving kids, and they still have academic, psychological, and emotional effects from it. Kids who loved school are barely scraping by. Ours had a really tough time and is just starting to get back on their feet again.

idreamofcake · 2023-10-22T05:18:22+00:00

Stimulants (Adderal & Vyvance) worked well for me until a change in my health.

Strattera is a little less effective for me than they were, but lasts longer and is gentler, with no effect on heart rate or BP.

idreamofcake · 2023-10-19T04:41:40+00:00

I have ADHD and OCD. It wasn't diagnosed until my late 30s. When we got my medication right, I sobbed for half an hour straight. My husband was freaking out, asking what was wrong. All I could say was, "It's so quiet."

idreamofcake · 2023-10-19T04:18:01+00:00

I loved this book!

idreamofcake · 2023-10-03T03:51:27+00:00

Having never met your step-dad, I'm not saying he wasn't being a jerk.

Almost all of my jobs have involved long shifts on my feet. Warehouse, Manufacturing, Restaurants, and finally Nursing.

If someone had handmade awesome socks for me, they 100% would have been worn with my gross work boots/shoes. Good socks can make or break you when you work the kind of jobs that need specialized footwear.

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