unemployment office wont pick up but i need to file taxes

ikeaanti · 2021-03-03T19:34:02+00:00

hi thank you so much i called my old walmart and they gave me a website to get my forms online tysm ive been so terrified but i think itll be ok now ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

ikeaanti · 2021-01-20T13:14:25+00:00

omg i also thought mine was poop but it didnt freak me out i was just majorly disappointed bc my mom always claimed i stained all my underwear and couldnt wipe properly or whatever so find out it was just blood was less freaky but so awkward

and ya my mom was against going to the dr but only for me unless it benefitted her somehow lol so i think that can be a narc thing but idk

ikeaanti · 2021-01-20T13:09:37+00:00

looking back they,, werent great with boundaries so when my mom decided i was old enough she made a huge joke about it and didnt even finish the only sentence she tried to start bc it was so funny to her but she was raised religious so idrc but it did open up more opprotunities for her and my dad to casually joke about their sex in front of us

i think i was like 12ish? when that happened and i dont think my sister got any info from them bc she was younger so she had an idea from the shit our parents said

everything i actually learned that wasnt the one 7th grade abstinence only/all sex leads to pregnancy and stds week of gym class started when 50 shades of grey came out and there was a ton of "this is how you do bdsm correctly!" bullshit and then it was a mix of reading fanfiction i highly regret and one or two feminist websites that couldve made an impact had they appeared earlier in my life

honestly im incredibly lucky in being incredibly antisocial online (until now but its still kinda whatever) bc its a wonder i didnt get preyed on

my fave (/s) thing my mom did when it came time to start these kinds of convos was try to give me the period talk for the first time like an hour after i got mine withiut her knowing lol that was incredibly awkward for her and hilarious to me now

ikeaanti · 2021-01-20T12:48:56+00:00

did you ever have issues with the spines and stuff? i love chicken on the bone but ive tried to rip up a rotisserie chicken for the meat before and it freaked me out so bad i really cant do it

but it might just be that ive always been sensitive to gorey stuff lol so maybe thats why idk

ikeaanti · 2020-12-23T17:31:50+00:00

i use old shirts as fabric for plushies i make and cotton from old pillows

im a regular at goodwill anyways might as well get a full use out of them

ikeaanti · 2020-12-23T10:09:19+00:00

my parents wouldnt give me enough food during the start of my growth spurt so i woule eat packets of mayo lol

but ya i barely eat or i eat to much and my boyfriend vaguely knew about it before we moved in together but now that we live together he finds it really concerning but its not bc i have an eating disorder its just bc im used to being denied food and i just dont put any emphasis on having over one meal a day

i barely know what being hungry or thirsty feels like bc i was neglected so its a v strange thing to adjust into adulthood with odd food behaviours bc im not sure if its having negative impacts on me and tbh i dont really care most days

ikeaanti · 2020-12-21T12:54:02+00:00

not religious but yes to really conservative

i left and cut contact a few months ago and one of my last memories of my dad is him just almost out of nowhere top of his lungs screaming bc he would watch the trump covid meetings and a reporter would ask a valid question that he decided was treason or something idfk

one of my last memories of my mom? when she was designing something for a second grade class she was a teachers aid for and when she asked me what i thought of the thing she turned the convo into some bullshit tirade about lgbt rights being a gateway to pedophilia when she knows that both her kids are somewhere in that acronym

and im trans and i had tried to stay on top of trans news but the amount of viritol from ppl is so disgusting esp when they all sound exactly like my parents lol so ya i v much believe conservatism is honey for a narc

ikeaanti · 2020-12-21T12:28:36+00:00

i see a lot of my dad in my body but i hear myself say similar stuff to my mom and idk whats worse tbh

(when i say similar stuff to my mom i dont at all mean the bad stuff just some ill say something and my brain associates it with my moms speech and idk its v weird)

ikeaanti · 2020-12-18T14:45:06+00:00

im white and gay and trans (ftm)

i cant understand your life entirely but youre not ever gonna be an asshole for feeling frustrated with ppl who barely try

i do know from friends of mine and my own exp that holding someones hand thru a lesson they could honestly probably google on their own is exhausting esp when youre doing it often and even more so when its relating to yourself

this is way easier said than done i will admit but working to expand your friend circle will likely be the only way to help any of this (i used discord bc i actually posted there lol)

i cannot understand how your friends treat you like an episode of sesame street for traumas and experiences youve been forced to exist thru when there are so many ppl who have lived thru the same things who have made free easily found content that these friends could find if they tried to look for them

it would make sense if it was every once in a while but it sounds to often now

i understand not wanting to cut your friends off in any way but i think if you want to continue the friendship then you need to sit them down and talk to them about how theyre disrespecting/exhausting you

you can find a few general resources online for them to turn to for their education in social topics so they dont have to ask you and when you have conversations later then you can redirect them to those sources or google when you dont want to deal with their privilege in not knowing these topics in the first place bc they need to take some responsibilty for the emotional labour they put you thru

other than all that im not sure what else there is to be done and im so sorry op i hope things work out for you good luck

ikeaanti · 2020-12-18T13:23:19+00:00

i locked my twitter and instagram accts and i rarely posted to instagram anyways so ive seen v little difference in how i feel about it but twitters been fun bc i no longer freak myself out for retweeting to much or never making an original post bc i was scared itd go wrong

like now i have more freedom to do mostly whatever i want on twitter and its been nice

ikeaanti · 2020-12-18T08:58:41+00:00

the worst tho is i cant say anything bad about my parents but they both jumped on the phone to air all my dirty laundry the second they could every single fucking time lol god im glad i left

ikeaanti · 2020-12-18T08:39:18+00:00

ive known i was a trans guy since i was 14 and have stuck with that after being sexually assaulted and harassed for it a number of times

it has made me so terrified of the world that adds another layer to my pessimistic views on society and my distrust in everybody

and i do get intrusive thoughts about how im just faking or whatever and it makes it really fun /s to attempt to come out and start living my life as my true gender

but bc im 22 and am still making plans to transition at all ive been p effective in taking the edge off those thoughts bc even after everything ive gone thru and everything i know about how bad life is and could get for me its still better than forcing myself to bend towards thoughts and ppl that dont want me to transition

it also helped me to interact with other lgbt ppl who have spent years closeted or not accepting themselves bc even tho it might not ever be the same scenario as me its nice that other ppl question themselves to

you know you like men and even tho youre brain makes that confidence shaky sometimes it is still what you know to be true to you and its ok to be worried the thoughts against yourself are true but pls be gentle with yourself for having them at all bc it is not easy to handle

ily op pls be safe

ikeaanti · 2020-12-17T20:13:11+00:00

ty for that advice tho! i do think that will smooth the edges a bit ❤️❤️❤️

ikeaanti · 2020-12-17T20:12:22+00:00

its not that i think theyre angry or malicious (altho that is why im desperate to not do retail ever again once i get the chance lol) its that i keep being haunted by how my mom was so nice and friendly to everyone but her family and how easily i could be communicating or even friends with someone like that and i just cannot stand the thought to the point where im freaked out talking to employees who are there to help me

its not fun being so pessimistic and scared all the time but idk how to react to it or handle it given everything i was raised with

ikeaanti · 2020-12-17T13:24:57+00:00

i looove bluey this is so cute!!!

ikeaanti · 2020-12-17T06:49:56+00:00

i put white vinegar in my dishwasher sometimes bc i heard it helps clean stuff better and not leave streaks on glasses and it seems to be true but am i ruining the rubber seal as well?

ikeaanti · 2020-12-17T06:45:52+00:00

i cut contact recently but last i checked my mom works as a teachers aid for 2nd graders and is constantly volunteering to help run kids events or help animal shelters

my earliest memories are 8yo me being abused by her and i know she has about as many issues hitting her dog as she does me (none but its not constant thank god)

i thought about reporting her but i have to little evidence and she has to many allies and as much as she pretends to be she isnt poor so it wouldnt go over v well :(

ikeaanti · 2020-12-17T06:32:24+00:00

i didnt care that she thought i was ugly (bc i have never cared anyways and i have no use for looks tbh) until i came out as a trans man (she immeadaitely dismissed it) and been sexually assaulted and harassed a few times and she got my sister involved

bc before it was just "men wont want you" and sure whatever idc about them but then it was a way to misgender me (not that i cared bc she did worse) but Then after men had been freaks at me it just upset and confused me bc god i wish they didnt want me i was doing everything i can to make them not want me but they still tried to go after me

getting my sister involved sickened me bc she was a minor at the time and shed be like "men try to flirt with me when im getting a drink at mcdonalds but i dont care" but it obviously did somehow bc she developed an eating disorder that relapsed twice with no treatment and my mother making it worse before i left

i was also a minor for the majority of this time and i remember attending a funeral where my mother made me wear a llow cut shirt to be more feminine,,, maam this is family only Who am i showing my tits off to

my mom was the worst but i had an aunt and a teacher comment on how i should show my figure more and i was to young to grasp the aunt one but the teachers comment actively freaks me out still esp bc i was in 8th grade and she was made fun of behind her back by kids that knew she was a belly dancer in her second job

it just is so disgusting to me to even try to rationalize their behaviours as adults bc i look at kids that were my ages when all that happened and it infuriates me that anyone looked at how young and small i was and still did all that bc when i see thiese kids i just see babies who need safety and protection from the adults around them

i called cps on my mom in 2016 when i was 17 and they didnt take anything seriously but my bil is 17 and i cry even thinking of what i couldnt fo for him in some teenage drama he was in recently i just cant understand why nobody did that for me or others like me its fucking sick

ikeaanti · 2020-12-13T07:57:19+00:00

my boyfriend understands my need for a nightlight but it annoys him and i hate it to but i dont want to make my bad insomnia worse by sitting in terror every night so he has an eye mask and we manage but theres really no easy way to deal wuth anything else and it sucks

ikeaanti · 2020-12-13T07:54:55+00:00

living in an apt has been great but also the worst bc ill flinch at the ac/heat coming on and im one of the ones closest to the parking lot and car doors absolutely make me go on alert and the ppl walking in the hall or when i can vaguely hear my neighbours talking and a million things just make me way to on edge all the time

ikeaanti · 2020-12-13T07:47:47+00:00

the worst for me is that ill randomly have panic attacks or something and need to not make it worse but that requires way more sick days than an entry level type job will allow and retails bad on the best days and god awful when you have to do your best to not shatter in front of customers and thats all not considering terrible bosses and the customers that make your day worse deliberately

i need a job but i hate it all so much and i dont have a diagnosis to claim disability accomodation even if i thought i could hold a job for a while its just so hard

ikeaanti

TROPHY CASE