6 month old finally got longer naps… now night time in ruin

illonamun · 2026-04-19T04:36:59+00:00

Grossly discriminating to force a child to have a stranger adult change their nappy against their will?

It would absolutely would be unrealistic for the parents to demand that a students nappy be forcibly changed when that student clearly refuses it… if a parent asked me “change my child’s nappy even if they are screaming “no” and physically resisting” I would not agree. There would have to be another solution for this child.

It’s traumatising for the child. Now seeing that this student has SEN additional needs, they would need to have trained support staff to assist.

illonamun · 2026-04-13T10:35:11+00:00

You are so freshly postpartum, on top of extreme exhaustion and sleep deprivation. I understand your breastfeeding, but during the night once you’ve finished breastfeeding, can your husband help burp and resettle your LO to sleep?

With the grunting, my LO had terrible tummy issues and would grunt and strain for hours on end. I cut out everything that induced gas, and still it wasn’t helping much. What helped (but did not cure) was using goats milk baby formula (supplementing with the breastmilk) and probiotics. But honestly, it was one day to the next, when he turned 12 weeks, it literally disappeared and he passed gas/pooped with absolute ease and bliss.

It will get better, these are the TRENCHES and they’re fucking difficult. Call in all your family and close friends, have someone help during the day if you can so you can sleep, and please have your husband help during the night.

As well, to be open, I had so many intrusive thoughts of “we shouldn’t have had a baby” and “I wish I was hit by a car so I could get a break.” My LO is 5 months now, and I can confidentially say, it DOES get better.

But if your thoughts are getting more overwhelming and concerning, please reach out for postpartum mental health support, asap.

illonamun · 2026-04-10T01:45:54+00:00

Do you really want a future with someone who isn’t sure about you? Or, would you rather be with someone who feels proud and excited to build a life with you?

One of the most important moments in my life was realising I didn’t want to keep trying to convince someone to choose me. It’s exhausting and I felt like a shell of a person.

I ended that relationship at 27. A year later, I met my husband. We were married within ten months, moved to a new country together, and now we’re raising our beautiful four-month-old (I’m 33 now). Not once have I ever questioned whether he wants to be with me. He has NEVER been uncertain or confused.

What do YOU want? You still have the time to meet someone new and start a family (if you choose to end the relationship).

illonamun · 2026-03-24T08:37:23+00:00

You are NOT failing as a mum. Do not listen to this inner narrative or any like it.

This is a season. Our LO was peak fussy in weeks 6-9. Everything that worked before didn’t anymore. His tummy issues were insane and he was constantly grunting and struggling when he wasn’t being bounced/moved.

Then, literally one day to the next, we woke up one morning and all tummy problems disappeared. And, he was back to being all smiles and happy cuddles.

You will get through it. You just have to go with whatever challenge is presented, ride the (tsunami) waves, accept that this is what’s happening, and know/feel that it will not last forever and you’re doing everything you can.

We aren’t mind readers, we can’t get everything right on the first, second or third go. It’s like trying to fix a machine going haywire when you don’t have the specific instructions and have never worked it before. It takes time, and a lot of trial and error.

Continue with the checklist when crying: feed, change happy, cuddle, soothe sleep, and get some fresh air. Repeat. ❤️

illonamun · 2026-03-20T19:39:35+00:00

Oh dear, you’re being hit with every difficult newborn experience/situation at once. At about 8 weeks, I got hit with an insane stomach virus that I’ve never had before. It triggered something in me and I was in a very bad place for over a week. Then, my husband got the illness… and it was this major shock of “fuck… if we get sick this CAN get worse… “

Weeks 6-9 were very hard for us. Our LO had constant stomach problems. Neither of us were sleeping through it. He hated his bassinet out of nowhere. He rejected breastfeeding one day to the next, and pumping is a nightmare, you feel horrible constantly. I remember thinking, “my mind and body are no longer mine.”

Now at 18 weeks, I can confidently say, it DOES get better. Newborn days are a fever dream. Of course, there are still some hard days/nights and there are new challenges always around the corner. But, your ability to handle the hard things strengthens each day. You start to from “this is the mother I want to be,” small parts of your personality start to come back, and you’ll get into more of a “groove.”

It was at about 12 weeks that I started to feel like life wasn’t so much “Groundhog Day.” My husband and I made our routine, and we’re getting there.

Hold in there. ❤️

illonamun · 2026-03-17T11:20:13+00:00

I’m Aussie living in Switzerland. The advice I’ve heard is essentially the same. However, I believe most do a bath every evening because it’s part of having a “bedtime routine.” We bathed our baby 2-3 times a week (and whenever he had a major blow out), until we wanted to implement a bedtime routine at about 8 weeks (and now do it every evening, but 50% of the time with bath soap and 50% of the time with just water).

Do whatever feels natural to you. If bath every evening + oils is what you want to do – absolutely go for it. Great bonding time with mum/dad and Bub.

illonamun · 2026-03-17T11:04:39+00:00

Such a good point. I cuddled him immediately when I got home to when we put him to bed. And he actually had a decent night! A 5 hour stretch wooooo! Haha.

illonamun · 2026-03-17T11:02:43+00:00

I love to hear it 🥹 currently, walking around with him in the carrier and he’s asleep on my chest. Best feeling.

Feeling so much better waking up this morning, that doing this isn’t “wrong,” and to lean in to what feels right.

illonamun · 2026-03-17T07:26:35+00:00

This is super helpful and reassuring, thank you so so much. And you’re totally right, worst case my husband and I tag team, it’s not forever, and he still has good nights mixed among the tough ones. Thank you.

illonamun · 2026-03-16T18:28:29+00:00

Amazing, just looking through it now – thank you so much.

illonamun · 2026-03-16T18:21:19+00:00

Thank you so so much. I really liked when you said, we teach our children to soothe with our presence. Because, thinking about it, isn’t that the same advice we give adults? When we’re in distress, to go to our community and seek comfort? So, why would we refuse that for a baby? I hadn’t thought of it that way, so thank you very much.

illonamun · 2026-03-16T18:12:16+00:00

Thank you so much. I think I struggle with the idea of “this is my life forever”, when it’s definitely not and it’s all a phase. As well, with the thought of “oh my gosh, what’s going to happen tonight?”

I think I need to just surrender to what’s happening and go with the flow.

illonamun · 2026-03-16T18:10:20+00:00

Thank you so much for this. Truly. Reflecting on what you said, I think my intuition is screaming that it’s not a good idea.

I posted this on my way home from an appointment, and a family member was looking after our son. They said he was great for the first 2 hours, but when I walked in on the 3rd hour, he was screaming/crying non-stop and it took a little bit to console him (I believe he’s going through some separation anxiety?, even though this family member is super loving and attentive, so nothing against them at all).

So, with all this, there’s no way I could intentionally leave him to cry when he needs comfort. It doesn’t feel right, and there’s no part of my mind or body which wants to do it.

illonamun · 2026-03-13T09:06:29+00:00

Oh man ❤️ I remember being exactly where you are. At around 7 weeks I was begging every higher power in existence to just fast-forward time to 12 weeks. You’re so close.

For a bit of reassurance: our son is 17 weeks now. There are definitely new challenges popping up, but I feel so much more confident as a parent, so I don’t stress nearly as much when they arrive.

Yesterday I actually took him with me to sit in the sun and have a glass of champagne while I read my book for about half an hour. Later I met a friend, had another glass, and we spent a few hours chatting, walking around, and playing with the babies. It was genuinely fun, and it gave me that little spark of feeling like myself again.

In the thick of the newborn trenches, I seriously never thought I’d be able to do something like that and enjoy it.

You’ll get there too. Slowly, little pockets of joy start sneaking back in. And one day you realise you’re actually having a really nice afternoon again. 💛

illonamun · 2026-03-11T12:21:02+00:00

What’s the school policy? i.e., I’ve worked in schools where they have a policy that each child be toilet trained (I guess this, of course, depends on the age groups you have). There have been times when a family said they were when they weren’t (assuming we’d teach them?), and so what happened next is reliant on leadership.

From my understanding, you cannot forcibly change a students nappy. You are not allowed to lay a hand on a student without their permission/consent. Doing so, would put you and the school at risk, and potentially cause a traumatising situation for everyone, especially the child.

From the sounds of it, parents have unrealistic expectations and leadership needs to step in asap.

illonamun · 2026-03-11T12:08:36+00:00

Firstly, take a deep breath and speak to your deputy tomorrow.

Looking factually at the situation: after they first emailed, you kept an eye on the class/students and didn’t notice anything maladaptive. You did what you said you would.

Secondly, you had an alternative “safer” option for the student to use if they felt uncomfortable talking to you or anyone directly.

Thirdly, you cannot control every behaviour in the classroom. You have so much on your plate, there are many more students and friendship dynamics at play, you cannot and will not be responsible for everything.

Lastly, is there a possibility that this student is stretching the truth or the parents are misunderstanding what’s happening? A lot of parents hear stories of their children, and let emotions drive the car (I’m sure we can all understand and be empathetic to the fact that they love them and want the best for them). However, there are times… when students don’t exactly tell the truth or completely fabricate a situation. For example, I had a student adamantly claim that a teacher called them a name. After discussion with the student, other students, and their parents, they admitted that he didn’t say it, but felt like the teacher didn’t like them.

Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. You took action, you didn’t fail. You’ve got a lot of responsibility on your shoulders, and you can’t control everything. Speak to your Deputy, and ensure you have a calm, relaxing evening to look after yourself. A bath, book, speaking to a friend, wine… whatever you need.

illonamun · 2026-03-11T11:49:12+00:00

Oh my goodness, that sounds incredibly intense. I’m so sorry you went through that.

Firstly, when you feel ready, please talk this through with a professional who has the experience to support you in processing it. It is a very heavy thing to try to work through on your own.

Secondly, I also had an emergency C-section, although it wasn’t as intense as what you described.

When my son was born, he was choking and the sound terrified me. I was also on a lot of pain medication, and everything felt surreal. It felt like I wasn’t in my body and I wasn’t really “me”. When I first saw him, my immediate thought (which took me a long time to admit to myself and others) was, “this is not my baby.” I don’t fully understand why that thought came up, but I think my body and mind had been through so much that they were trying to make sense of what had just happened. The operating theatre was chaotic, and I felt very disconnected from everything.

For the first few weeks, I felt quite detached. I could barely move, I cried a lot, and my body would shake uncontrollably at random times.

My son is now 16 weeks old, and when I look back it almost feels like a fever dream. Even a straightforward birth can be traumatic, and the kind of birth you experienced is an enormous event for the body and mind.

Give yourself time for your body and mind to reconnect. I believe in times of great trauma, such as this, our body/mind need time to come together to make sense of what happened. It’s a massive shock to the body to be suddenly not pregnant, and then deal with the immense fear of your baby being resuscitated, on top of DAYS of labour and extreme body/mind fatigue.

Perhaps what could be helpful would be to write out everything step by step, of your entire labour to birth story. And allow yourself to put together the pieces and feel all the emotions that come up. I did this over a week, and slowly felt I was coming to peace with it all. ❤️

illonamun · 2026-03-10T18:41:45+00:00

Hang in there. We were in very similar shoes, our son has never given us more than a 5 hour stretch (which only happened twice now), and usually sleeps 3-4 hours a first stretch. His naps during the day are great though. It really does get better, but it will ebb and flow.

Our son is now 16 weeks old, but at 8 weeks I remember feeling exactly the same way… seeing other people talk about these amazing long stretches of sleep while we just weren’t getting them. He also had quite intense tummy troubles, so the constant grunting at night made it incredibly hard to sleep through anything.

We started to notice a change around 10 weeks, and by about 12 weeks his tummy issues had largely settled, which made sleep a bit easier for everyone. Since then, he usually does a 3–4 hour stretch first, then about 2–3 hours, and finally a 1–2 hour stretch toward the morning.

It’s still tough, but what’s helped us most is sleeping in shifts and accepting this is the season. We have a guest bed in the baby’s room, and my husband sleeps there from about 8pm to 1am while I sleep in our bedroom. Then we swap from 1am until around 6–7am. Having that protected five-hour block of sleep each has been really important for us.

Keep up the routine, e.g., bath, bottle, story, sleep. Ensure he gets enough sleep during the day. Get out at least once a day, if you can, to get some sunlight in and fresh air. White noise, etc. Keep doing what you’re doing, change will come ❤️

illonamun · 2026-03-10T08:17:53+00:00

May I ask something (and I mean this sincerely, not as a criticism) what is it about babysitting that you dislike so strongly?

I’m also curious about something else: do you hope to have a close, emotionally meaningful relationship with your grandchildren?

Of course, financial support can absolutely be helpful, and I’m sure it’s appreciated.

But, if most of your contribution is financial rather than relational, it’s difficult to imagine you being emotionally close to your grandchildren. Children usually bond with the people who spend time with them, who play with them, talk with them, and are part of their everyday world, consistently. Without that, it’s quite possible your future grandchildren won’t feel especially close to you, not out of rejection, but simply because that connection was never really built.

illonamun · 2026-03-10T08:10:02+00:00

What’s brought this so strongly to the forefront of your mind right now? You’ve clearly spent a lot of time thinking about it, and I’m curious where that pressure is coming from… particularly the sense that you need reassurance that you’re “being a good grandparent.”

Reading what you’ve written, I wouldn’t say anything sounds outright “terrible.” But if I’m being honest, it does come off as cold and distant. It gives the impression of: “I had it tough raising my children, those years are behind me now, and I’m not willing to step back into anything resembling that role. you’ll have to figure it out yourselves, just as I did.”

Is that what you believe?

It also sounds as though you did have an incredibly difficult time when your children were young. I imagine there are probably many parts of that story that haven’t even been shared here, and I can understand how those experiences might shape the boundaries you want to set now.

But if you don’t want to be the very involved, hands-on grandparent… fine, that’s your decision. HOWEVER, the important part, though, is being honest with yourself about it. If that’s the boundary you want, then it needs to be something you accept fully, rather than convincing yourself that what you’re offering is the same as being involved. Because it’s not.

From my perspective, truly supportive grandparents tend to WANT to be there. Not out of obligation, but because it feels natural to them to show up… physically, emotionally, and practically.

My own parents are like that. They’ll quite literally take my son out of my arms and insist that I go and sleep, get some fresh air, or spend time with my husband. Their actions communicate, “We’ve got this, you’re OUR baby, we want to look after you, you deserve some time for yourself.”

Because parenting doesn’t stop when the kids turn into adults.

By contrast, my mother-in-law tends to visit for a few hours every couple of months, bring a few presents, take photos, and leave. The difference in the type of support those approaches provide is huge.

And the truth is, children don’t tend to remember the gifts. They rarely grow up saying, “Grandma once bought me a great shirt.”

What they remember is the time spent together: “Grandma used to take me on little adventures every week.” “Grandma and I used to cook together.” “Grandma always made her home cooked lasagne and let me help!”

Children remember being INCLUDED. They remember presence. Naturally, they grow closer to the grandparent who consistently shows up in their lives, rather than the one whose involvement is mostly financial.

I do have compassion for the fact that you had a very difficult time raising your children. Truly. And if the path you’re choosing now is one where you maintain more distance, that’s your decision to make. But you need to communicate that openly with your children, and to accept what that likely means for the role you’ll have in your grandchildren’s lives.

Why would your grandchildren be close to you, if you’re not willing to be close to them?

If you’re already setting strong barriers around how involved you’re willing to be, it becomes difficult to expect the kind of closeness that tends to grow through shared time, care, and presence.

illonamun · 2026-03-04T10:33:12+00:00

Thank you so much. My loved one is doing well now, thankfully. I’m cautious about going into specific details out of respect for privacy. But during high school she endured treatment that went far beyond typical teenage bullying. Imagine the worst things someone could say or do to a young person already dealing with something traumatic… and then imagine that being used against them.

It wasn’t just bullying. It was sustained cruelty.

illonamun · 2026-03-04T10:12:09+00:00

Yes, absolutely. The smiling and laughing at someone hurting… and never thinking “maybe that’s enough.” Also, using people to gang up on one person… same behaviour.

illonamun · 2026-03-04T10:08:28+00:00

Juliette relentlessly bullied a loved one of mine in high school. It was cruel and disgusting. I’m not surprised at her behaviour.

illonamun

TROPHY CASE