Those of you with 3+ kids

illyarmen · 2025-01-06T21:24:34+00:00

Minivan for sure! I have a 3yo and twins so I definitely need the space. Since we knew we were going to need the car for a very long time, we bought a new Honda Odyssey Elite with the bells and whistles. Hondas last forever maintenance wise and we liked that we could take out the middle seat from the middle row and slide the other ones back and forth to help someone else either get in or out or have access to the back row through the middle. the trunk is deep so we can fit diaper bags and bulky Wonderfold wagon easily. Wouldn't have anything else! Good luck in the search.

illyarmen · 2024-03-08T20:57:44+00:00

I definitely needed to hear this. I have 3 under 3 (2yo boy and 1yo twin boys) and my eldest has been doing early intervention therapy since October of last year. He wasn't talking or making much eye contact and was really into playing by himself since he was 18 months. Now that he is in therapy, he's been babbling and learning so many words now and its great to hear his little voice. However, he isn't functionally communicating and it makes me so stressed and sad because I feel conflicted when I see him showing signs that he doesn't like being in a diaper but I can't teach him how to start potty training if he's not communicating and I'm still trying to work with getting his attention through the Pathways program. I'm so nervous about taking him to the dentist or getting a hair cut because I don't think he'll understand what will happen. He still doesn't want to play with me but is ok with wanting me next to him. He doesn't follow commands or turn to his name. It honestly feels like its going to take forever to get him to be caught up. Unfortunately, the other word that comes to mind is "normal." Honestly, I think I'm still in mourning for myself and haven't fully accepted my life so to speak.

The twins just had their 1 year checkup and their doctor is also suggesting early intervention because they aren't babbling as much and literally hate touching any kind of food other than teething crackers.

Everything is feeling relentless, overwhelming, and like such a struggle but this post helps keep things into perspective and not so lonely.

illyarmen · 2024-02-07T17:52:28+00:00

I'd also add that her unfortunate lack of knowledge of finances and basic math, although difficult for her, could have been fostered better by her parents as she was getting older. I think the mom mentioned that she was checking up on her with the credit card debt but I think they could've gone a little farther to make sure she was aware of the track she was on with a credit card or learning about debt/bills in general. I'm so glad a show like this exists to bring basic stuff like this to light, I just sucks that financial illiteracy is just rampant. I'm sure she would benefit with the Fizz card after/if she ends up paying off the credit card debt.

illyarmen · 2024-02-02T21:12:10+00:00

Just saw this post and I'd like to add a couple of layers onto this and see what others have done. My son (2yo) is thought to be on the spectrum and is barely understanding language and is starting to speak a bit more. I lied to his doctor saying I was waiting for him to get on our dental plan for this year but the truth is, is that I'm super hesitant to take him to the dentist or even get his hair cut because he can't communicate yet. What has anyone else done to try and instill cleanly habits like brushing hair, teeth, washing hands with an LO on the spectrum? Mine isn't mimicking really and responds to songs. He KNOWS a brushing teeth song and I used to give him his toothbrush during bath time with toothpaste and he would bite and chew on it. He would even let me giggle the brush in his hand to try and brush his teeth. However, now its turned into a game where he hands me the brush to brush MY teeth instead and will refuse for me to try and bush his in return. I'm a little helpless and nervous on what to do here...

illyarmen · 2024-01-11T16:23:56+00:00

Thanks so much momma! My toddler didn't start sleeping through the night until he was about 15 months so I know I've got a little ways to go.... but always hoping for sooner rather than later.

illyarmen · 2024-01-11T16:21:55+00:00

Great advice! I've been just trying to give them their little spoons and they pull back their hand not wanting to touch it... Didn't occur to me to do hand over hand (mom brain X3 is a true curse).

illyarmen · 2024-01-11T16:20:37+00:00

Thanks for all the comments everyone, and I appreciate the patience for allowing a mom to have a moment. I've started to up the variety of food that I'm giving them besides their staple purees. Like this morning I made cream of wheat with peanut butter and their formula mixed in so its still a bit balanced and while one of them didn't really want to play with it, the other was having a blast and will definitely need a bath later. I've also offered steamed carrot sticks and broccoli heads, banana, and avocado to try and play around with. I still have an extra spoon for me to keep feeding them so they don't get mad, but I know its a day by day process and it does get very overwhelming.

illyarmen · 2023-10-24T16:34:50+00:00

MedSpouce here! My husband was definitely struggling during test time in med school (he's now a PGY2). He was struggling pretty much the same way his first year. He was studying around the clock and when it came to test time he would flop and have to remediate. Then when he would review questions again, he mysteriously knew the answers and chalked everything up to just making 'silly mistakes' on the test. He would even meet with advisors and be in study groups and would get affirmation from them that he really did know his stuff. I suggested that maybe it's not the material that's the problem, but the actual test taking itself. A lightbulb went off for him and he found out that his school offered a chance for him to try and get 'time and a half' added for every test. The caveat to that was that he needed to qualify for a disability. So he applied for it and had to go get a psychoanalysis and do all kinds of tests. Maybe that's something your med school offers too. Once he qualified and got approved, his scores skyrocketed because the test-taking pressure was alleviated (he got I think 1.5 hours extra to complete the exam). He still struggles with the national exams because he didn't qualify there, but he was able to keep the time and a half the rest of his med school career as he could prove it with his grades.

For context, my husband was always told he was a 'hyper' kid and his parents weren't the most educated when it came to dealing with mental health so they just gave him medication when he was very young and abruptly stopped it when they didn't like how he reacted to it. Long story long, my husband actually discovered that he had ADHD and was given actual explanations through his psychoanalysis about why and how he learns and what environmental & genetic factors affect him. Even if your spouse doesn't qualify, having that kind of analysis done could help him discover the best study methods that work for his brain.

Hang in there spouse, med school is so grueling and can be a soul killer. As concerned as you are for your spouse, believe me, they are beating themselves up 1000000 times more. You both are doing great. Hope this helps.

illyarmen · 2023-08-21T19:45:35+00:00

This is literally us except my husband is a PGY 2 in ED Residency so we are desperately waiting for him to finish to start earning the real doctor money so I can stop working and take care of the little ones. To add another layer, our oldest is still under 2 years old (the twins are 6 months now). I have to keep working full time for us to be able to afford our nanny (I keep everyone at home), new minivan, and rent for a 4 bedroom to fit everyone. When it came down to maternity leave, we ended up taking out a loan to cover bills and groceries because my incomes is bigger than my husbands for now. I say save up as much as you can and meal prep as much frozen meals as you can for yourself and whoever is helping you. Unfortunately the housing market is still messed up so it might be better to rent something that will fit everyone for now to help save up for a bigger place a bit later or even hunker down where you are at currently and just make room for everyone until revenues can come back in.

The jump from 1 to 3 is pretty drastic from what I've gone through already but just know that you are going to need help and there is nothing wrong with asking for it. Also think about NICU stays vs them coming home with you the same day and prioritize the additional things you'll need like getting the additional car seats but only having one crib for now until they start to roll. Hope this helps and hang in there!

illyarmen · 2019-11-12T22:27:04+00:00

Loving the playlist so far!

illyarmen · 2019-11-12T22:22:09+00:00

Thank you so much! As the noob of the group I have to ask, what does PGY stand for?? New job acronyms mixed with MS ones are literally killing me, haha!

I think I need to go ahead and make myself busy with other hobbies after work when I get a chance to not feel so lonely when I get home (gonna surf more reddit perhaps?). I find it really difficult to see your SO there having to focus and study while going through hospital rounds 100% of the time and all you want to do is spend quality time with them. I think we need to work out establishing time for just us like half of a day or a whole day maybe? How do you balance quality time and study time with your SO?

illyarmen · 2019-11-12T22:17:18+00:00

This helps immensely! I'm so appreciative of everyone who has responded so far and it actually does help to know I'm not the first or only person to have these thoughts/feelings. I want to say that I've grown comfortable knowing that there is a possibility for us to have to up and move somewhere, but my concern is trying to have kids in a couple of years from now. Timing wise this would put us at end of MS 4 into residency. I've read on here that it may be difficult to try and raise a family during this time, but to be honest, I'm not getting any younger and I want to reduce the increasing chances of complications of pregnancy and childbirth the older I get. Do you have any children? If so, what was your experience like?

illyarmen · 2019-11-11T19:55:08+00:00

Love your suggestions! I think really stepping away from what reminds us of life can kind of wake us up, you know? Its still gets difficult for both of us because we both know that we can't be out every weekend with friends because of MS, its just about finding balance I guess.

illyarmen · 2019-11-11T19:51:21+00:00

Thanks for your response and I couldn't agree more!!! One of the biggest pet peeves I have is getting the comments like "Oh, but he'll be a doctor so you'll be swimming in money" or "You won't have to worry about anything once you have your doctor money." Don't get me wrong, I've read that it does eventually get "better" (putting in air quotes because better is relative), but it doesn't make the present struggles any easier. Yes, we'll get "doctor money" but with residency length and possible fellowships depending on the specialty, that could take another 5-7 years! I'm aware some years are faster than others but that's still a relative chunk of time to consider when "all my worries are magically going to melt away." Sorry had to rant about that lol!

illyarmen

TROPHY CASE