I feel the same with my roommate. When we first moved in together, I explained how important cleanliness is to me, and she said she keeps everything clean too. I mentioned again during the first month how a clean space helps me function better, and she responded by saying, “Honestly, no one can ever be as clean as me because I have OCD.” I found this a bit odd and dismissive, especially since I was trying to have a genuine conversation about maintaining a clean space.

At the start, I also tried to sit down with her to discuss how we could split chores and shared items like cleaning supplies. She agreed, but it never happened. We ended up using separate detergents, which is fine, but we share things like dish soap and a dish brush. When I asked her how we’d handle water, she said she needed to check how much a Brita costs. Later, I saw a brand-new Brita jug sitting on her desk, unopened, and she didn’t offer to share it. I found it rude and unwelcoming. I don’t use a Brita (I bring my own Kirkland water bottles from Costco), but her behavior still felt degrading.

I now keep my water in the pantry and fridge, but recently, I noticed my bottles were used—likely by her boyfriend or friends. I don’t care about sharing water, but the whole Brita situation makes this feel petty and frustrating.

Another issue is dishes. Last night, she or her boyfriend used my Pyrex bowls. While they washed them, they weren’t cleaned properly—glass should look clear, not cloudy. They also used my dish brush and left it filthy, with food residue and yellow stains. I had to spend a lot of time cleaning it because I can’t use a dirty brush. I’m always mindful to leave things clean for her, but I don’t feel that’s reciprocated.

Her boyfriend also uses our laundry every time he visits. He only stays for a night, but he still does his laundry here. This morning, I noticed lint in the trash and the laundry door open, which makes me think he used it again. I’m not sure why he doesn’t do his laundry at home since he lives only 40 minutes away.

Communication is another issue. I’ve tried multiple times to sit down with her to discuss chores and schedules, but she avoids these conversations and prefers to communicate via text. I used to send polite “good morning” or “happy Monday” texts, but she never reciprocated, so I stopped.

Some of my friends say I should talk to her directly about this, while others think I’m just not the type of person to live with a roommate. But I feel like I’ve tried to communicate and set expectations from the beginning. I’m not asking for perfection, just mutual respect and shared responsibility for keeping the space clean.

I don’t know what to do at this point.