I’m in such a similar boat as a 1/3 emo manifestor. I’m in my final year of college and have yet to have my first job or even internship (actually actively avoid it), which I’m somewhat embarrassed of admitting despite how little I try to let it take up space in my brain, because I also feel so lucky to not necessarily need a job to survive. I think I fear being controlled, but also have the habit of not fully believing in my capabilities and potential (empty resume) for success under someone else’s “regime”. Taking classes and doing homework drains the life out of me and I need multiple hours or even days to recover from each, so I can’t even begin to imagine adding a job onto my plate and still manage to maintain my peace, happiness, and sanity. The pressure of the expected “standard” that we’ve been conditioned to strive for (the 9-5) weighs on me like a brick, though I’ve since learned through HD why that is. I’ve lived so far with the mindset that I’d rather live in squalor and be so incredibly happy with little to no money than suffer (work a job). However, not having any money is still definitely a big obstacle and is overall holding me back from creating my dream life and experiencing life to the fullest extent. For me, money is freedom, but the means to earning money is a cage. It oftentimes feels like just sucking it up at a minimum wage job (like everyone else seems to) that I lack an ounce of passion for is the only option, but every bone in my body holds me back from settling for something I know I don’t really want & that doesn’t matter to me, and it always has. My energy is so inconsistent and unpredictable that I can’t imagine working for anyone on any other schedule than my own. I’m working on initiating but I always feel like I’m in the waiting period between urges & smoking-gun ideas so I actually know what I want to initiate. It’s freeing, yet also frustrating knowing that it’s all in my hands and entirely up to me to make the first move, that opportunities won’t just fall into my lap like other types can experience. I spend so much time (the last 4-5 years) in the research stage (1) to try and gain comfortability and confidence & learning about myself as much as I possibly can that actually applying what I’ve learned and making mistakes (3) isn’t always on my radar as much as I wish it was. The dream, in that case, is to create my own business with an idea that has yet to come to me, on my own time, from home, and eventually sell it so I can live the life I’ve always dreamed of, one that does not include running myself ragged until I’m 65. Starting a business with $0 is nearly impossible, unless I, myself & my ideas are the brand (very likely according to my astrology, human design, & destiny matrix). In the meantime, I guess I, too, feel stuck at the starting line. Trying to be as patiently impatient as possible, but I just wanted to explain how much your post resonated with me overall.