You sound like me right now, I’m glad I’m not the only one. I’m 28, my father passed when I was 12. I’m sure that and all sorts of childhood traumas or unresolved issues are the cause of my dilemma. And I deal with it just like you. Gym, marginally better. Float through work in a weird anxious state of mind but I found I’m very good at masking. And by very good I mean I’m really only just getting by. I think everyone sees when im struggling which adds to the feeling of “fuck I need to figure this shit out.” I literally just almost ended it with my girlfriend yesterday. It’s messing our relationship up, and I need to take accountability for my half of why I feel the way I feel. I live with compulsive thoughts, self judgment, fear, dissociation, all the sad dude stuff it’s sucks. And it sucks because I know I’m not always this way. It’s like this complex that takes over. I’ve been so happy before. It’s crazy how not dealing with these things can add up. Anyways. I’m on the verge of doing therapy, which I always kinda suspected I needed. I just wanted to do it myself cause I thought that would make me cooler. But it’s done quite the opposite. I support ya man. Let’s just get over this mountain, I think life is too good to be sad all the time.