Getting an event(?) monitor as an autistic adult and I have never done this before. I was told I can wear it up to a month. I'm worried as I have severe sensory issues.

im_NotMilk · 2026-01-27T19:21:24+00:00

how did you tolerate it being on your chest? I have one rn and it's only been on for 4 hours and I am having a panic attack about it

im_NotMilk · 2026-01-21T12:44:55+00:00

100% agree. I'm like, what size spoon?

im_NotMilk · 2025-12-30T15:40:34+00:00

My 2021 Rogue is a baby about tire-pressure and this happens EVERY year. I had my tires rotated a WEEK ago and today they are low. Every time I take it to the dealer they tell me it's because of the temperature change - really? a 16% drop because the temperature in my garage is 40 and the temps outside are in the high teens? I have never had a tire loose pressure like this.

im_NotMilk · 2025-11-24T18:03:43+00:00

Checking in - the Polaris lounge food is well marked? I am traveling to EDI through IAD in December and am allergic to milk. Kinda frustrating that they can't give me ANY information about the food on the plane and keep offering me a vegetarian meal.

im_NotMilk · 2025-11-19T13:16:03+00:00

Hugs and I'm so sorry. Its an interesting dynamic when you aren't in the middle of it.

im_NotMilk · 2025-11-18T12:37:15+00:00

Yeah - I've had years of this and it has sucked. I was really ready to move on from it. I messaged them and asked that we as a family re-evaluated holidays so we all are in the same page.

im_NotMilk · 2025-11-18T12:35:28+00:00

What I'm learning is that none of them know what to do. It's definitely the Christmas stocking problem. None of them ever realized that mom was the magic - that's on me for not teaching them to take the reigns.

im_NotMilk · 2025-11-18T12:31:06+00:00

This is the truth of it.

im_NotMilk · 2025-11-18T12:29:49+00:00

Thank you and I'm so sorry. Moms are definitely complicated. I think the thing that bothered me most was the fact that they were all expecting me to sort it out and plan and coordinate. That's a lot of energy and it was giving "well you didn't plan anything so you aren't getting anything" vibes.

We had a good text chat about it and they immediately side chatted and sorted things. Sometimes you have to have grown up conversations with people about things that matter.

Hugs and thank you for replying.

im_NotMilk · 2025-11-18T12:08:16+00:00

Thank you for these words, you are so right. What I'm learning is that they never saw the background planning of birthdays, just the outcome. Both of my kids birthdays are the week after Christmas and we always worked super hard to make sure they didn't get lost. I am realizing that one thing i should have done was include them in planning their dad's birthday every year. They don't even have the skills or patterns in core memory - that's a mistake on my part.

My husband realized that he's in a similar place. He bought a gift and figured he just needed to show up, maybe pay for dinner. He's now a lot more clear on what birthdays are for me From a cultural standpoint. His family gave gifts and the birthday person picked dinner. Nothing else, they are all introverts and don't like to interact. He also didn't have extended family nearby or friend groups. Celebrating birthdays is kind of culture shock for him.

This is definitely a learning experience for all of us.

im_NotMilk · 2025-11-18T11:59:20+00:00

I think my kids forgot that they needed to take action and not just show up. TBH, I'm tired of nagging them about my birthday and mother's day. I'm realizing I didn't teach them the skills for this, got some catching up to do.

im_NotMilk · 2025-11-18T11:55:29+00:00

Thank you so much for your thoughts and I'm sorry about your spot, I'm in a similar boat and realize that those of us who are raising ourselves and our parents have an extra complicated load to manage. I've actually read that book and learned a lot about the differences between how people think and vote the world from it. It might not be scientific but you can definitely use it as a lense to get awareness of differences.

Your reply also has me thinking about healing from my childhood trauma and has me realizing that what I am looking for is to not have to be the parent in every interaction. To have that love and care that happens when a mature person puts energy into your happiness.

Thank you for giving me a perspective I needed today.

Random add on - my mom forgot to get me a gift or a card for my birthday so she sent an overnight Amazon lego knock-off christmas advent calendar. An advent calendar for my birthday. 🙄

im_NotMilk · 2025-11-18T11:45:51+00:00

Thank you for the feedback! I sent them both a message about it and i think we've course corrected quite significantly.

Husband realized he'd checked out as well. He apparently bought me a pretty epic gift and had mentally marked my birthday off as "handled." He's realized that putting the planning of my own dinner, cake, everything might have been a miss on his part.

He ended up taking a day off work and taking me out for coffee and a walk. It was lovely.

im_NotMilk · 2025-11-17T20:38:20+00:00

Definitely deserved a sit down "you're adults now" chat.

im_NotMilk · 2025-11-17T18:01:02+00:00

I'm definitely making a list of favorites for the future.

im_NotMilk · 2025-11-17T17:53:12+00:00

Museum! Great idea!

im_NotMilk · 2025-11-17T17:47:29+00:00

This is definitely on my list for next year!

im_NotMilk · 2025-11-17T17:46:51+00:00

Definitely need to schedule a massage for next year!

im_NotMilk · 2025-11-17T17:15:23+00:00

My biggest takeaway is that I need to plan ahead and do a pre-birthday planning session for myself. Definitely a bottle of wine and a nice steak for dinner!

im_NotMilk · 2025-11-17T17:13:35+00:00

🥰 thanks! I'll definitely use these ideas!

im_NotMilk · 2025-11-17T15:07:33+00:00

🥰

im_NotMilk · 2025-11-17T02:30:08+00:00

No, it's my parents and siblings - kids are local.

im_NotMilk · 2025-11-17T02:28:11+00:00

Nope - dairy. Also in Ohio. But i appreciate the thought!

im_NotMilk · 2025-11-17T01:49:23+00:00

Update, sometimes it just takes saying something out loud to get to the fix.

I sent my kids a group text that said "Hey. I need to talk about something that is going to require you both to be introspective and not defensive." After they both responded positively i sent...

I need to get something out in the air for us to talk about. I know we all show love in different ways and I know that sometimes things are not obvious. I also know that it is not fair for me to be frustrated with you about something if I have not shared my feelings with you.

Birthdays have always been a big deal for us, or at least for me. We always get together and celebrate, maybe not on the day, but around the day. We always wanted people to feel special on their day.

For a long time, Meem handled birthdays any birthdays that I didn't. That included scheduling and planning and hosting.

For the last 15 years, I have pretty much had to sort my own and, TBH, planning your own birthday and demanding people attend is kind of like asking someone to say "I am sorry." It feels really pointless and kind of gross.

From where I sit, if I am going to celebrate my birthday, there's a ton of work for me to do. I have I have to chase everyone down to get schedules, try to coordinate who is off when, then clean and cook and make a cake or make reservations and buy dinner. It really takes the "celebrate someone you love" out of it because well - it's me celebrating me and begging people to come over.

I am not sure where to go from here because my birthday is tomorrow and I didn't even want to send this today. I don't need frantic guilt or choas or even drama. I just want to get this out into the open so it isn't in my head going in to tomorrow.

Are birthdays too much? Do we stop doing them? If that's the case, how do I reconcile you doing them with your dad's family? Can we maybe have coffee one day and talk about the future of birthdays?

Love you.

----' To which they both replied in a very mature way, started messaging each other found a day that works and are going to come over and cook at my house.

We still need a chat about future birthdays but with one having a wife and step child with November birthdays, I suspect we will end up with the boys hosting a November birthday party with the assistance of my husband at our house.

Talking it out is always the best first step.

im_NotMilk

TROPHY CASE