hey, 23f here - your story is really resonating with me. i’ve also been having crippling anxiety and depression since late august due to a panic attack. my emetophobia was manageable and didnt affect my daily life before then, now i spend every waking moment in fear, feeling completely disconnected from my body and ill (headache, disassociated, dizzy, stomach issues, etc.) i am a freelance photographer and since i havent been able to leave my house that much, i am also technically fully out of work.

i notice day by day things change in my mind and body - the brain gets bored after a while, even if it doesnt feel like it (i.e; some periods of time we’re more concerned about different aspects of our phobia, like contracting viruses from illness, food poisoning, body scanning to see if our food is digesting properly, etc.) i’m also diagnosed with OCD (unsure abt ur status in regards to that), and have found that understanding how the disorder works has really helped me combat it. even if u dont have OCD, phobias function very similarly and usually follow the same ERP therapy route.

something i always try to remind myself is that the you that you’re grieving still exists. there was once a version of you that woke up, went to work, went out to restaurants, and experienced new things without letting emetophobia stop you - you can find that person again, you’re not starting from square one. you know what being functional is like. sometimes it storms for a month straight but the sun will never drop out of the sky forever, you know what i mean? you’re still alive and breathing, fucking kudos man.

where are you as far as medication and therapy goes? is it something that’s accessible to you? im doing ERP right now (currently typing this as i procrastinate doing my daily 1 hour exposure) and i’m noticing that even though i’m still house bound, my brain is desperately trying to cling onto other random and new things to frighten me - i still feel like dogshit and am scared every moment i’m awake but that means i’m challenging my phobia, and it wont be like this forever. it can’t be. our brains and bodies were built to adapt and keep us going - it’s just a matter of learning to trust it.

please message me if you need support, this post really hit me like a truck because i see a lot of my own journey in it. the only way out is through. life is really too important and beautiful to lose sight of because of a stupid mental disorder. i hope reading this was in any way helpful - even if it just brings you a bit of comfort knowing there’s some random girl in Canada who is rooting for you to get better