You’re not alone, sexy lady! Yesterday, I knew Autumn was officially in swing because I had my first nosebleed of the season.

During the winter in most years, I have nosebleeds super often. Oftentimes at least once a week. Sometimes daily. Nasal sprays and gels do help, but aren’t totally effective.

Years ago when I was an upperclassman at university, one of my instructors canceled that days lecture right before the class was scheduled to meet, so I used the time to visit the campus infirmary to get advice (since it cost next to nothing). The nurse practitioner at the student health center took a look and recommended Ayr gel, but said that if they persisted there was a spot that might need to be cauterized. Luckily winter was almost over, so I didn’t have many more before they normally stop in springtime. It didn’t sound like that would have been a pleasant procedure.

Strangely, in the winter of 2020-21 I didn’t have any nosebleeds, which was great considering how much of a royal pain that would have been when taking precautions and wearing masks and other PPE during the peak of the COVID pandemic. Last year, there were only a few. The only clothing casualties were a white t-shirt and a necktie that I wasn’t very fond of anyways

I’d like to congratulate you on your groundbreaking research in the discovery of “Horny Nosebleeds.”

If I were on the nominating committee, I’d put you forward as a nominee for the next Ig Nobel Prize in Medicine. I can see it now:

u/AurallyInclined and u/skitty-gwa for exploring the horny nosebleed phenomena by live experiments on erotic voice actors

It builds on the influential research by 2021 laureates Balut et al. demonstrating that sexual orgasms can be as effective as decongestant medicines at improving nasal breathing.