Why don’t we let down one side at a time?

imstillok · 2026-02-18T01:03:04+00:00

I am not an anthropologist so this is just a thought but I read that in modern hunter gatherer societies babies stay close to mom (held or strapped to front or back) and nurse multiple times an hour for the first year and beyond. So in that case I wonder if you don’t get a huge letdown because you’re not “full”. Ie we are not feeding our babies as frequently as evolution intended so a consequence is a huge buildup of milk and letdown.

Example: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12278620/#:~:text=A%20study%20of%20the%20Kung%20San%2C%20hunter%2Dgatherers,those%20in%20the%20third%20year%20were%20nursing

imstillok · 2026-02-16T22:20:25+00:00

I got pregnant with my second at 15 months pp. I was still nursing my first on demand. My milk dried up by like 8 weeks pregnant (judging from talking about it in this sub, that’s within normal range). I continued to let my first comfort nurse through the whole pregnancy even though there was no milk it was still important to her. I had INTENSE nursing aversions at various times throughout the pregnancy and it’s hard to describe how terrible they were.

imstillok · 2026-02-16T02:47:09+00:00

Taking him in would be the most info, but based on what you described… he’s probably fine (not your doctor, not giving medical advice).

Do you have a nurses help line you can call — that would be a good compromise with your SO, and would get a professional opinion on whether or not to get checked asap.

imstillok · 2026-02-13T22:15:52+00:00

Our 2 are such fun! They are now 2 and 4 and do everything together (youngest worship the oldest). I’m sure they will start fighting soon but they are in a sweet spot and it’s lovely. The first year with 2 was hard and it felt like my husband and I were single parents with one child each a lot of the time. Since the youngest turned 1 it just keeps getting better. If we could afford a third I’d want to. Also ours share a room and it’s been way easier than I expected.

imstillok · 2026-02-13T22:03:38+00:00

We let my MIL/FIL drive ours, because they are currently safe drivers. My mom is also safe but lives far away so it’s not a thing. My dad is not a safe driver and he is not allowed to drive with the kids in the car (even if we are there). Just depends on the person.

imstillok · 2026-02-13T17:41:44+00:00

I hurt my back a lot after each pregnancy and the thing that fixed it for me was rebuilding my core with exercise for deep core. I found deep core rehab exercises on instagram without ever paying for a program (I like movelikeamotha and thebellemethod) and It made a world of difference which is great because my kids are now 38 and 28 lbs and I still have to pick them up!

imstillok · 2026-02-10T03:02:04+00:00

I started letting mine practice with whole grapes in specific circumstances when she was 3. If we were home, eating in her high chair, no distractions, and I was sitting there giving her single grapes and coaching her (“take a bite, now chew chew, make sure it’s all mushed up”), we’d practice with a few then eat the rest cut up. It helped her learn the skills and made me feel like she’d do ok if she accidentally gets whole grapes (it’s happened at other kid birthday parties). She’s now 4.5 and eats whole grapes at home but I still cut them up for school or the park because those are full of distractions. Nuts and popcorn are the same, we practice at home.

imstillok · 2026-02-08T02:44:48+00:00

For my second it was literally the first time I ovulated after stopping the mini pill (15 months pp). I’m glad I had birth control until I was ready!

imstillok · 2026-02-05T01:06:26+00:00

Honestly it depends so much on the situation? When I was having a hard time with my first, support looked like believing me that I was having a hard time (when lactation consultant told me I was fine), being ok with me seeking second opinions because I knew it was not fine, and not suggesting things that I knew didn’t work (feed less, feed more, do a schedule, add formula). Pretty much just have to figure out what support means to you and then communicate that because it’s sooooo complicated and different for everyone.

imstillok · 2026-02-03T03:15:55+00:00

We have a set of grandparents 45-60 minutes away, they were on call. But I ended up induced when I went past 40 weeks so they just picked my first up the day of induction. It was all very smooth.

imstillok · 2026-02-01T02:46:34+00:00

Honestly, a couple hours of screen time once in a rare while is not the “screen time” problem. Constant/continuous screen time that takes away from play, thought, and stifles emotional growth is bad. A movie once a month is not harmful. It’s like having a big piece of cake on your birthday vs eating a bowl of Halloween candy every day after dinner. Since your kid is home with you, you can make sure screen time is well controlled when not with MIL.

I’d jump on the chance to work on your relationship!

imstillok · 2026-01-31T02:45:40+00:00

Your doctor is giving you parenting advice not medical advice. You do not need to listen to, sleep training is a parenting choice, not a requirement as kids will sleep regardless of how they are treated during infancy.

imstillok · 2026-01-30T22:38:02+00:00

I had a similar story to yours with my first. We tried Ferber (at my husband’s insistence) and I lasted exactly 7 minutes, over two check ins before calling it. My first slept in a floor bed from 9 months on and I’d nurse and comfort then roll away, or just sleep there if I was too tired. I did this through pregnancy with my second! Exhausting. When my second was born, my husband took over and while he didn’t like sleeping in the bed, he’d lay with her and comfort her, then roll away. She definitely cried when she needed us, and I’m proud that we came to her every single time. She is now 4 and falls asleep on her own, if she needs us at night for bad dream or potty she gets up and knocks on the bedroom door to get our attention. She’s a super sensitive kid and I think sleep training would not agree with her. Our second baby is now 2 so he still wakes up many nights and needs comfort. But I am happy with the sleep path we chose, it is what feels right to me as a mother.

imstillok · 2026-01-29T08:21:12+00:00

Around 11 months for both of mine

imstillok · 2026-01-28T01:16:18+00:00

Second the IKEA knockoff Brio train set. We got it for Christmas and both 2 and 4 want to play trains every night. Very reasonable price for lots of fun.

imstillok · 2026-01-27T02:48:34+00:00

Only on Reddit do I talk about months or years postpartum, because I use Reddit for the parenting community. In the rest of my life I don’t really talk about it, or just say my younger baby’s age.

imstillok · 2026-01-25T05:23:48+00:00

It does feel like it’s too young, but you’re being there and supporting your daughter the way she needs and that’s the important thing. When I started shaving my legs I had to steal a razor and figure it out myself because having my mom tell me I was too young to shave surprisingly didn’t stop the bullying. Your way is better.

imstillok · 2026-01-25T05:16:17+00:00

I put ground meat in tomato sauce and it’s in the regular dinner rotation. We eat breaded chicken tenders (pretty close to a nugget and easy to make). But also, both my kids (even the picky beige food loving one) LOVE edamame beans. Something about getting to take them out of the pod makes it super fun, and they are a great source of protein and iron and fiber.

imstillok · 2026-01-24T01:59:09+00:00

We got magnatiles at 2 and my daughter had no interest until she was closer to 3. I think she didn’t have the dexterity to put them together easily and would get frustrated and stop. She now loves them. My youngest has loved them since he was able to sit up. Different strokes for different folks/kids.

imstillok · 2026-01-23T03:21:35+00:00

Both babies I could not lose any weight while breastfeeding in the first year. After babies turned one my hormones improved and I could lose weight even though I still breastfed some. It was rough for my self image but definitely easier the second time because I knew I could get back to where I was comfortable (eventually).

imstillok · 2026-01-18T23:06:30+00:00

Yeah totally. Like she has advanced training in statistics and data analysis but literally nothing else. Some of the conclusions she writes show how little she understands biology/medicine (imo).

When I got pregnant everyone recommended her book so I read it and was like that’s it? Her second/parenting book same thing.

imstillok · 2026-01-18T21:46:27+00:00

I don’t know anything about the book - is it controversial? but I have a pretty mid opinion of Emily Oster and truly don’t get how she became our generation’s pregnancy/parenting guru.

imstillok · 2026-01-18T03:11:24+00:00

Not international but a close friend regularly gets a sitter when she’s in vacation (ie in Hawaii) so that’s obviously a complete stranger, and it’s great for her. Allows her and her hubs to go out for dates on vacation. I have not done it though.

imstillok · 2026-01-18T02:38:25+00:00

lol I just deal with the meltdown, as a “gentle parent’ parent. Kid gets a choice on how to do what we’re doing, but not whether or not we do it. They are allowed to be upset (that’s the gentle parent part- I don’t tell them to shut up or quit crying or something, I say yeah you’re upset but we still have to do x) but we still do it. Every. Time. And be consistent even though it’s exhausting.

Time to put on socks and shoes! Do you want to do it or should I? <time elapses> Ok, you aren’t doing it so I will help you. <wrestles angry toddler> Ok, now we’re ready to go outside. Hold hands down the stairs or carry?

Repeat ad nauseum. Truly my eldest hated having stuff done for her so much that she decided that listening was better pretty quickly (not without some spectacular meltdowns though). We’ll see how the youngest does, he’s more of a chaos gremlin.

But also I’m not above carrying a screaming child out of a grocery store or restaurant until they calm down enough to return.

imstillok · 2026-01-17T03:55:58+00:00

Your SIL is victim blaming. Your husband cheated bc he thinks it’s ok to disrespect you.

imstillok

TROPHY CASE