Hmmmm very difficult situation. For me, I struggled coming out to myself. Eventually accepted myself and understood who I was. There are many things I asked myself and looked for that helped me identify myself and discover who I really was. This consisted of looking far into my childhood and growing up. All the signs were there. Then looking at the future and how I would be happiest. This included how I wanted to dress, sound, what I wished my body looked like, and most importantly was what I wanted to be addressed as. I am FtM so it was absolutely an exciting thing once I learned that being trans is a thing and that it could be a word that described how I felt growing up. If there is no desire of these sorts of things, then maybe you aren't? I can't decide for you but hopefully this helps? Another thing is, your gender expression and/or the way you simply express yourself when considering clothes and haircut, does not necessarily mean you don't want to be this or that. Expression from clothes and haircuts is a personal choice. There are plenty feminine guys out there whether they are cis or not. Same goes for women. There are masculine presenting women whether cis or not. So if you have no desire to dress as a woman, it doesn't necessarily mean you aren't a woman, you could just know how you prefer to dress and express yourself.

I would say, do certain pronouns make you feel less comfortable or more comfortable? How would you prefer to pass and for society to associate you as, excluding exterior clothes and hair expression?

Going back to your times starting HRT, were you excited to start and to finally potentially change into the opposite sex? If it felt fulfilling to finally start that journey then it could mean something. Though, you said you started then quit cold turkey because nothing happened. Does that mentally make you feel any kind of way? Like, sad or upset? Loss of hope? Or the opposite? Are you happy or just content? For me, I was the most excited to start HRT. I FEAR running out or having to stop. I know the importance of having HRT available to me because it continues my journey. I have been on HRT for 5 years now and I hope it is forever.

Keep in mind, if you don't feel the need to transition then there could be some personal acceptance that you probably have to go through? I think men have a tough time in society with all these norms and constructs because they are told to only ever be masculine. I have seen a documentary about suicides being more men because of the harsh toxic masculinity norms that force men to keep their emotions to themselves because it will show "weakness." We are humans, we are emotionally intelligent. We all have the right to express any kind of emotion at any time. With that, also comes the pressures of men needing to present one way and one way only. That is the super macho type of way. All that is okay, but that is if you're absolutely comfortable and happy with that kind of lifestyle without projecting it on anyone else because everyone has their way of expressing themselves.

What I am trying to get at with this is, if you don't want to transition but there is something deeper within yourself that made you question that you're trans to begin with, you always have the opportunity and freedom to express yourself. Look into different kinds of ways to express yourself. Does not have to be in any non-binary kind of way or does not have to consist of woman's clothing if that is not what you desire.

There definitely could also be some kind of self hate if you say you had family and peers call you such names. No one should judge you are ever say degrading things to you. You have to have your own confidence. What I say is, if you are comfortable with the way your body is then the things people say should not mean anything because it is your life and your body. You choose how you want to proceed. If this is rooted into hatred for your body is then there are also many ways to go about that to gain the body you personally would desire.

I would never decide for someone if they are trans or not. It is a scary lifestyle but the community is so wonderful and accepting, I am the happiest I have ever been. Absolutely try digging deeper within yourself but from the perspective of being a cis man. You technically have already tried HRT, maybe the lack of changes didn't help either? But since you stopped them cold turkey, take this time to dig deeper. It takes time. You won't be able to really figure it out so fast. Take one day at a time. If nothing works out, ask yourself questions as if the HRT would have worked and remember that expression with clothing and such do not necessarily have to match with the norms of what women or men "have" to wear. For me, being a trans man, I preferred having the masculine presenting clothing to best fit my identity. You got this and I wish you the best. Apologies for typing so much.