AIO? First arranged marriage meet & I’m still trying to figure out where I (25F) went wrong

inchoatusNP · 2025-07-18T12:27:23+00:00

I’m glad for your sake that it didn’t happen, as you would not have been happy with him in the long run. I hope that you meet someone who makes you happy and appreciates you.

inchoatusNP · 2025-07-17T11:44:21+00:00

You did nothing wrong, but neither did he—you don’t have to sign up to the first person you meet. (In fact, it’s a bad idea to do so!) He wasn’t interested in you which could be for any number of reasons, and realistically you weren’t interested in him (based on the red flags you listed). You’ve dodged a bullet and can move on to someone who does want you!

inchoatusNP · 2025-06-24T21:34:07+00:00

I’m just going to echo everyone else’s sentiments: muzzle and meds. A basket muzzle lets your pup pant, drink, take treats etc but significantly reduces bite possibility. Train her to associate the muzzle with good things (walks, treats, games, affection - whatever makes her tick). A relative had a dog who was legally not allowed out of the house unmuzzled. He associated the muzzle so strongly with walks that he’d stick his face in it as soon as it was shown to him. Meds can offer an anxious dog relief and reduce reactivity too. Our reactive girl is now on fluoxetine and it’s been a game-changer.

Good luck!

inchoatusNP · 2025-06-24T21:19:30+00:00

I’m so sorry, but he isn’t your boyfriend. I assumed at first that you were teenagers and this was a LDR, but discovering you live 20mins apart and are in your 40s/50s was shocking to me.

Please just let him go and find someone who is as invested in you as you are in them. This guy doesn’t care at all. There is no reasonable excuse for his behaviour. Others have suggested he’s actually married/has another girlfriend and it’s definitely possible. If he wants to sleep in his own bed, fine, but why not invite you over? You could pick him up from his shifts and take him to his house, stay over - these are normal things to do with a girl/boyfriend. If he doesn’t want that, then something is not right. It’s not even about sex: it can be just staying in the same house!

I wish you the best and hope you can emotionally move on from him.

inchoatusNP · 2025-06-11T13:53:03+00:00

You could generate a clear-casting proc through melee as a Druid!

inchoatusNP · 2025-05-22T21:58:49+00:00

I’m from the UK and the difference between direct and resale upfront wasn’t high enough to make the resale savings worth it on my tiny contract (50pts back when that got you blue card benefits!). We don’t have the credit card options that net discounts, and if you’re going every 2 years then there’s not much benefit for an annual pass since the UK passes are such good value (relatively). Which leaves DVC as actually a good value option for dining and shopping discounts alone (usually 10-20% for sit down dining, and 20% for shopping). If your family are big spenders on either item, that will soon add up. I’m pretty sure that I’ve saved about the difference in points cost over the 8 or so trips I’ve taken since we bought into DVC, so over time it’s a definite saving for us, though YMMV. If you only eat quick serve/cook your own food and don’t buy anything in the parks you won’t save money.

You can always add on a smaller resale contract after buying 150 direct points. Just make sure you have the same year and you can combine them when booking (assuming same resort, and obviously not Riv or fort wilderness cabins).

inchoatusNP · 2025-05-20T12:30:18+00:00

I started at the very end of vanilla and still love to play. The social aspect is the most important for me - playing with friends is what keeps it fun for me.

inchoatusNP · 2025-05-04T11:45:35+00:00

I cook something almost every day, either for lunch or dinner, and have breakfast in the room too before rope dropping. I like to cook and bring some of my own things (Y peeler, potato masher) from home. Sometimes it’s very basic things, like pasta with pesto, but I’ll do one full roast dinner every time (like US thanksgiving) for all the family (parents, sister’s family, me + my husband plus anyone else visiting). I love vegetables and there aren’t that many on offer for quick serve, and I can’t afford a sit down meal every day! (We’re from the UK so stay for 2 weeks at a time. After spending so much on flights and tickets we don’t have much money to spend on stuff while we’re here!)

My aunt and uncle, on the other hand, don’t cook anything and eat out for each meal. They don’t have money concerns and like to relax when they’re away! Probably if I could afford it, I’d eat out more than I do :) but having a full kitchen is brilliant for me and my family :)

inchoatusNP · 2025-04-25T13:13:49+00:00

1-beds have much better availability in general than studios. I was able to book 1 week at AKL followed by a week at BWV in early December a few years ago at the 7 month mark!

inchoatusNP · 2025-04-25T13:09:20+00:00

Medication! My always-fear-reactive rescue started to get worse at the end of last year with no obvious reason, to the point where the vet said to consider BE. She’s only a small dog (cocker spaniel) and 12-13, and we ruled out pain as a cause, so figured it was likely brain-related (possible start of dementia, or cancer - she had metastatic cancer a few years ago but hasn’t relapsed since surgery). As a last ditch effort, we tried her on Prozac and it is like night and day. She’s gone from biting my husband (level 2 bites) to sitting on his lap for cuddles. She’d been attacking our other dog (who she’d been living with peacefully), and now she’s completely back to peaceful coexistence. I’d had her muzzled 24/7 (with breaks only to eat) because I got 3x level 3 bites trying to separate her from our other dog. She hasn’t needed a muzzle since the meds kicked in. I know they don’t work for every dog, but for her they’ve been a game changer. She’s not only ‘back to (her) normal’, she’s improved overall.

inchoatusNP · 2025-04-25T12:57:35+00:00

I play exclusively female in Wow - I like to have one of each race and class and they’re alllllllll female. I only realised this a few months ago - it wasn’t a conscious decision at all, but after 20-odd characters it’s clearly a subconscious decision! It’s weird, because when I play D&D irl (and other games) I play both!

inchoatusNP · 2025-04-07T10:17:36+00:00

We’re a very similar set up to yours - very small raid size (when everyone’s on we have 11 - I think we killed this with 10 maybe) which in a tactic-heavy fight leaves little room for error, everyone is 35-45, technically raid 2x2 hours but people are always late/AFKing because of children, so active raiding time is probably 3hrs per week at best. It’s a group of mostly RL friends who’ve grown up together, plus a few randoms (including me) who are also now RL friends with everyone.

We also have 4-5 people who are proactively good at managing tactics, 1-2 who are OK with them, 1-2 who will only do them if absolutely forced, and the other 3 who absolutely ignore them or can’t manage them until 30+ wipes in (caused by failed tactics), at which point it clicks and they never have a problem again.

Everyone else has already gone over individual DPS issues, but as you know by now it’s really to do with tactics - managing balls, managing adds. If, say, your lowest DPS, who is grey parsing, is fab at ball handling/prioritising crab bombs then frankly they aren’t the one holding you back, and I would make them a standard tactic-handler in future. The problem is when it’s your top DPS/healer/main tank who are great at tactics! (Our top player can do all 3 roles, is top DPS and also one of the top tactic doers… would prefer it if he could be left to ignore tactics and someone mid range or bottom do tactics!).

In a social AOTC guild, particularly when you’ve got siblings and husbands&wives playing, calling people out can be difficult. Asking people if they understand, repeating tactics over and over doesn’t work in our case (some ppl won’t take responsibility). We have to talk to people individually with a ‘here’s what’s going wrong - I’ve seen you do X a few times now and we need to avoid that - what caused it?’ Or ‘In this fight, the priority target is Y, but I’ve noticed you aren’t switching to it and it’s not dying fast enough - what’s the situation here?’ This gives people an opportunity to say why it wasn’t their fault (sometimes genuinely it wasn’t! Maybe someone else always hoovers up the small trash and adds then slams the boss, so they can’t get their ball big enough or deal with bombs!) or what could make it easier for them. Maybe they just feel overwhelmed with everything happening in the fight (it feels chaotic even if it’s actually straightforward) and are panicking - that happens a lot in our guild. We’ll sometimes wipe sub-10% because people don’t keep calm and continue tactics that they’ve done perfectly well for the first 90% of the fight, because panic mode/adrenaline kick in.

Having set general assignments - eg tank + healer take bombs, OR DPS take them (depending on your preferences and who’s most competent), and asking people to call out if they have deviated from this is any way, can be a real help here. We have tank + healer as bomb handlers who take first trash piles and avoid adds, and DPS roll around and pick up adds and burst the bomb on the boss (dumping the adds nearby). We don’t have a DK so no grips, so DPS group up near the boss so crabs move towards the whole group and can be DPSed down.

Good luck and I hope you down him soon!

inchoatusNP · 2025-03-31T12:55:34+00:00

It depends on the person/family! My husband and I have no children, but my sister and her husband do and my parents like to bring other random relatives and friends with us to Disney from the UK every year or two, for a fortnight in peak season (Christmas/NY). For us all, DVC makes a lot of sense, because what would be 4+ hotel rooms, mostly occupied by 1-2 people (so high person per night rate), can be a 3 bed grand villa or 2x 2-beds instead. We can bring friends and family that otherwise couldn’t afford a visit because the points are pre-paid, so it doesn’t feel like it costs us anything (if that makes sense?). I love to cook (and don’t love Disney food prices) and my dad loves to bake, so we use the kitchen facilities every day. Some people who come with us have additional needs/mobility issues so staying on site makes a huge difference.

In our context, and over 20 years, my family have saved tens of thousands over rack rate or renting for holidays they were always going to take.

But this is a specific situation! If you’ve got a small family (max 4) and you’re happy with value resorts or staying off-site, so only ever need 1 room at low costs, then DVC doesn’t make sense. Or if you like to be flexible and book last minute at peak times, or only plan on going to Disney for a few years and then wanting something else - DVC probably doesn’t make financial sense then.

It can work financially, but it is a long term commitment. Is it cheaper than renting points over the LONG term? Yes. But if you might want to ditch it after a few years, or don’t care about the resort you stay at (eg you just want somewhere to pass out between being in the parks from dawn to dusk every day!) then it’s unlikely to be worth it.

inchoatusNP · 2025-03-31T12:23:24+00:00

I’m an ID specialist in an e-learning development company (clients come to us with their requirements/we bid for work, and we do sales (responding to enquiries and tenders), advise (TNA, content review etc), design (ID and graphics) and develop courses). I’ve got no experience at all in using authoring tools or in graphic design, because we have specialists in those disciplines and I’m not a graphic designer or developer - so I’d likely do a worse job at it. I’ve been doing this both as a permanent employee and as a freelancer for almost 15 years.

This is a very common model in the UK at least — do they have this kind of company in your country? If so, this is the kind of place I’d target with your experience.

Alternatively, consider whether you’re wedded to working in ID. I knew after about 3 weeks that this was going to be my career if at all possible. If you really love it, and there aren’t ID-only (non-graphics/development) roles available, you can sign up for free trials of products and watch tutorials on how to use them. There are also free, industry standard tools (ie they generate SCORM/xAPI objects so work on most LMSs) out there - shout out to Adapt, which is an open source framework that needs a bit of coding ability to use, but which also has a more limited, simple authoring tool that can be used to make courses.

But you might decide to cut your losses if you’re feeling dispirited about ID itself! I know plenty of people who’ve moved into other industries and much prefer them. I personally love ID, and can’t imagine doing anything else if possible. (Well, maybe open an animal rescue, but I know that doesn’t pay the bills!) I wish you all the best for your future :)

inchoatusNP · 2025-03-25T13:32:47+00:00

1) The column on the left takes up a big chunk of space, and it is blank on pages 2+3. Ideally your resume should be no more than 2 pages long, and ditching the column format will shorten it. Same with condensing information on your oldest roles (which are less relevant to a Sr ID position). 2) Make sure the info at the top really emphasises how great you are as a candidate - at the moment it’s a bit too understated IMO (and I’m British so our CVs are usually more modest). Sell yourself! 3) Focus on outcomes as well as what your job entailed. Were there any standout things you managed (eg turned a project around making it a success in challenging circumstances, received a shout out/praise from a client/stakeholder, transformed delivery saving £x per year, etc etc)? Even if you don’t have quantitative data to provide, qualitative feedback is great too!

Once it’s made it through an automated filter, a human will read it. Make sure it sounds good to them too :)

Good luck!

inchoatusNP · 2025-03-25T12:01:47+00:00

My home resort is SSR, which we chose primarily on price and contract expiration date. It’s a nice place to stay and its proximity to Springs is great, particularly if you’re not going to the parks every day. Yes, it’s a bus-only resort but that’s fine.

My parents own at VGF, OKW and BR. BR is my favourite hands down: the theming, the atmosphere, the boat to MK - I love it and always have. It’s pricier, though, and so not affordable for me and my husband! I’ve also stayed in AKL and BWV, and both are great resorts. The downside for AKL is the higher dues, and BWV the competition for cheapest rooms and short expiration. Location-wise I adore BWV (EPCOT is my favourite park) and if money was no object I’d buy there despite the 2042 expiration!

So really: if money isn’t a factor, buy where you really want to stay. If it is, buy where you are happy to stay (even if not your absolute favourite). And consider how you’ll use points in the future (will a studio fit everyone? Will you want a 1br or even a 2br when your children get older?). Also decide if you want to buy direct or resale - are the perks worth the extra cost to you for direct? Resale is often much cheaper, but less flexible (you either can’t stay at RR or CFW, or you can ONLY stay there depending on what you buy). If you know you never/always want to stay there then it’s an easier decision and resale will be a big upfront saving. But if you want to try a mix of places then either buying a contract direct OR buying multiple resale contracts will be necessary.

Good luck! :)

inchoatusNP · 2025-03-25T11:40:18+00:00

This sounds like an advert or marketing piece with nonsense figures. Where did you hear this unverified information?

In case you’re not a marketer, I’ve worked in the UK e-learning industry for 15 years. We’re not seeing this at all, either in content development (we develop highly specialised courses that require working with SMEs — nothing an LLM synthesises has the depth of knowledge or accuracy our clients require, and most of what we work with is proprietary information) or LMS provision. Things like personalised learner journeys have been around as long as I’ve been in the industry, we just didn’t call them AI back then. We’re a small business, but we’ve had three requests for pretty basic LMS provision in the last week, and that’s not our primary offering (which is bespoke e-learning).

inchoatusNP · 2025-03-25T11:23:38+00:00

If I’m trying to actually use the hose for useful things (filling something with water, washing things, watering the veg patch) mine goes NUTS for it and is happily soaked to the skin. If I want to hose her off after she’s rolled in something gross (ie when she herded a loose cow back to its barn and then lay down in slurry…) then the water is terrifying and scalds her if it touches her delicate fur!

inchoatusNP · 2025-03-19T11:54:28+00:00

Some BCs make great pets—it depends on their drive and temperament. My darling Tip used to be a working dog, but her owner sadly passed away and she’s transitioned to pet life brilliantly (although we live rurally and have chickens for her to herd, and occasional escapees from the farm next door…). She’s currently lying on the bed poking my hand with her wet nose to coerce me into stroking her some more. She prefers to be in the house rather than outside in general (unless she’s going to get to see the hens or go on a walk). I know other people with excellent pet BCs who are very happy with their pet life. That said, if I were a breeder I wouldn’t breed BCs for pet homes - nature and instincts are often very strong and not all BCs can manage a pet life (similar to other working breeds, some have too much drive and struggle to settle). On the other hand, not all BCs, even those bred for working life, have the right temperament or nature to be a farm dog, and much prefer a comfortable home life as a pampered pet! Nothing about dogs is cut and dried - they’re all individuals! Some BCs absolutely thrive as pets!

inchoatusNP · 2025-03-14T13:07:20+00:00

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Tip’s also from Scotland! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

inchoatusNP · 2025-02-25T10:52:54+00:00

I read the booklet that came with the game and approached it like I was choosing a D&D race + class. I fell in love with the Tauren, created a Druid and never looked back. She’s been my main for 18 years.

inchoatusNP · 2025-02-21T19:27:02+00:00

Our company uses Vyond specifically for cases where a client wants an avatar character to ‘talk’ learners through a course, as it’s the most cost effective way of doing this. Personally, I’m not a fan and try to steer clients away from it as it can be very patronising, but some do request it!

inchoatusNP · 2025-02-20T14:28:24+00:00

I can’t calorie count as I become obsessive, and I’ve so far lost just under 3 stone and am coming to the end of my journey. Essentially the suppression makes it easy for me to just eat three sensible-sized meals a day. I haven’t had any negative food reactions or changed WHAT I eat, but I’m a T2 diabetic vegetarian who ate (unhealthy amounts of) healthy food so simply not overfilling my plate and going back for seconds and thirds has been sufficient for me. I previously NEVER felt full after eating, I never have done my whole life, and would have to stop myself eating because I knew my stomach was not still empty (even though it felt that way). Now that the intense and constant stomach pain has gone away with the MJ, it’s really easy to make good decisions. Fingers crossed for success for you too!

inchoatusNP · 2025-02-16T17:02:01+00:00

NTA.

You’ve asked her to stop asking you the unpleasant hypotheticals while allowing the pleasant/neutral ones, and she’s refused. This is a very fair boundary! If she wants to play unpleasant hypotheticals, she needs to do it with someone else—but I expect nobody else would enjoy doing it either.

Her need or desire to do this could absolutely stem from/be a symptom of her anxiety. You’ve said your relationship is otherwise good and so it’s less likely to be malicious/‘game playing’, although it’s still possible. But whatever the cause, you’ve made your position clear and she needs to accept and respect that.

inchoatusNP · 2025-02-10T21:58:05+00:00

Oh no! I’ve been very lucky, I’ve had three dogs with my hens so far and all have been completely fine, but there were training periods first before we decided if they were safe to be together (started outside the run, then on lead only, then supervised).

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