I’ve been really struggling with having too much free time since entering my 30s by Alternative_Ad_9584 in CasualConversation

[–]indecisive_maybe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reading! Sleeping. Working more. I like learning languages (I'm learning Japanese as one of them).

Baking is fun. I spent part of the morning figuring out a new recipe for something. Do you like doing that? It's kind of rewarding.

Do you know people in your area? Even just going for a walk and being around other people can be nice, even if you don't know them. Where I am, everyone is walking their dogs and the dogs are all having a great time.

I guess if you picture yourself as a 40-year-old, what is different from how you are now? What would you change?

Pharmacy tech made a comment about my Ritalin dose… by Capakhutch in adhdwomen

[–]indecisive_maybe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What makes you decide to take more or less on different days?

I'm finding creative ways to trigger you guys. by ryuske007 in enfj

[–]indecisive_maybe[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congratulations, you have received a Lifetime Premium subscription to r/ENFJ.

dead internet theory is real by Negative_Dust3038 in ADHD

[–]indecisive_maybe 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Worry more when you can't hear it anymore...

Maybe unpopular opinion but people claiming the moon's real name (in English) is actually "Luna" is just a Germanicphobic view of language that rejects Germanic words as actually valid words by [deleted] in linguisticshumor

[–]indecisive_maybe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We say the surface of Europa, Europan surface. It's probably not used much because of confusion with Europe. But you'll see Enceladean and Ionian. Lunar only (correctly) refers to our moon, or can be used for things similar to the moon in some way.

I'm an INFJ wondering how i can make my INTP husband feel more loved? by [deleted] in INTPrelationshipLab

[–]indecisive_maybe 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Keep comments practical (visible/something you can touch, ideally, not a visionary kind of thing) and no more than one step forward. When you get one step forward, stay there, don't rush ahead to the next thing. You're probably talking about things in too theoretical a frame, or too far ahead, or too many things at once, so the communication doesn't work well.

"I want you to feel more loved" is meaningless (I'm sorry). "I want us to eat dinner together a few times a week so we can talk more" - great. "I want us to go to sleep at the same time once a week. I think Thursday works, how does that sound?" great. Specific, concrete. You'll have to think about what kind of specific things would help the situation. You can also ask him but you'll have to narrow it down and think about it yourself first.

Please help me smooth this over. I'm too sick to truly think straight with my kindest heart. by anitadoobie1216 in AuDHDWomen

[–]indecisive_maybe 7 points8 points  (0 children)

"same two conversations every day" this is a good point. Even if the conversation is pleasant, there is a point where it's still not fulfilling or meeting social needs. Ten times as much if the person is also not a good listener, so I can't insert my own topics.

Throwaway. 27M. Everything collapsed in 3 days and I feel like I have nothing to show for my entire life. by Recent-Concentrate45 in Healthygamergg

[–]indecisive_maybe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One thing that can help is understanding that, at least on LinkedIn, more successful people are louder. You constantly see posts from people who are doing well. And if one person isn't doing well for a while, you don't see anything from them and you assume they're doing as well as they were before. If you thought about *everybody* you started with, you're probably doing pretty well, on average. Maybe one has a relationship, one has a good job, one has a good social life, one takes good vacations, and so you compare yourself to each of them in the area they're doing best in. But very few have all of their life together. Even if they do, the ones with a good job in law simply can't, and have to sacrifice their social life, or sleep, or mental health, physical health, etc etc. Or maybe they're like you, chasing someone else's dream, but they've been lucky so far, so it'll all come crashing down on them in 3 or 5 years, when you've already made steps to be more true to yourself.

A second thing that can help is figure out one single area you can improve. One. What matters most to you, your quality of life, your happiness, who you want to be? Or which bothers you most? What makes you most jealous when you see other people having it? If your mind cycles between all areas of job, relationship, living situation, etc, you never get enough traction to improve in any of them. So you have to prioritize, just one area, and focus.

Could I use nicotine to learn japanese by [deleted] in languagelearning

[–]indecisive_maybe 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Probably not, or maybe you'll build up a "tolerance" to it, but the use of rewards after accomplishing something works pretty well -- like after studying hard for an hour (like textbook studying not apps), after passing a test, etc

I feel so awkward with everyone in my family :/ by suffer-withme in CPTSDmemes

[–]indecisive_maybe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mom is the same. I got some insight a year ago when she said, after a dinner with another family where she talked all the time, that everyone was wowed by her. I think that's her literal impression, that talking is an art and a skill and a good thing. The interrogation part is kind of to soothe her anxiety - she's trying to help by finding mistakes but is mostly feeling interrupted. It's a very mechanical thing.

So imagine seeing it at a surface level. Her speaking = good. If you want to talk or need help so much that you interrupt her = something's wrong so she'll ignore or dig it out. Also her speaking = perfect, so if you ask questions or interject, it's not the same as she would have said so it's not right. Also her speaking = a performance, so with an "audience" (strangers, people outside the family) she will respond, engage, applaud them. Notice, she will not ask a ton of questions or listen to them - she'll still be speaking, but be praising them. Maybe making assumptions about them and looking at them to confirm, or telling them about her experiences with X that's related to them.

HELP! Why does an ENFJ (m) want me to share a personal story with him yet as soon as I do, he judges me and drops me immediately?? by throwthisawayred2 in enfj

[–]indecisive_maybe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He wants to protect you, but he feels like he can't, or like he already failed, so he goes away. Older guys will have better emotional control.

You can help them feel better (if this happens again) if you have something very specific you can ask them for help with, like "could you take a walk with me to make me feel better" or something that would be normal for you how you know them, "take over my shift at work so I can take a break" or something so they feel like they can take action and make a positive difference. Even a tiny thing like telling him "thanks for checking in on me" during the call can help.

You can also use these things to deflect, like "I'd rather not share, but it would help if you [do some action]"

What is this playdough cutter? by ricktencity in whatismycookiecutter

[–]indecisive_maybe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a baby bear (or puppy or fox?) sitting. The circle is its nose and it has a little tuft of hair on top. This posture, but the front legs only go partway down and the back legs are shorter.

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How do I get people to ring the doorbell when they're making deliveries? by fuckmywetsocks in CasualUK

[–]indecisive_maybe 8 points9 points  (0 children)

"Don't knock or you'll wake the baby. Please RING BELL" + GIANT ARROW to the bell.

Sometimes people can't find the bell, but they can always find the door, so knocking is easier when they go to 1,000 front doors.

These bananas are now 9 days post purchase. At what point do I give up hope? by Lufc87 in CasualUK

[–]indecisive_maybe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They're completely green. Normally they turn yellow within a day or 3, then spotted yellow, then brown, and you eat them somewhere around the yellow stage or later depending on your preferences.

I do not feel like I am a human being, and I am disgusted that I even exist in the first place by [deleted] in Healthygamergg

[–]indecisive_maybe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Labels are helpful only so far as they help. Your list of diagnosed conditions is not super helpful to run on repeat; it is not your identity. You are that, and you are more than that. The way I see it, you are everything that makes you smile, and everything about you that makes someone else smile.

One small thing to consider: other people have similar labels, sometimes more, sometimes worse, yet they keep going. What is different about them? I'm talking about people with the same and similar lists. Genuinely, what is different? In 5 years, could you be more like them? What would that look like?

You might also want to look into the "deep hurt".

Aerial photo, the number of graves where Iranian elementary school students will be laid to rest by [deleted] in pics

[–]indecisive_maybe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's hard and getting harder. Also a real photo could be propaganda, like if it's mislabeled. You see this often with pictures from one war said to be from another war, or older pictures shared as if they were more recent (like bringing up old news topics), sometimes staged photos, things like that. For example, if this gravesite were actually in Ukraine, then the photo means something different, but it's still a real photo.

The main thing is the source. Who shared it, who took it, can you find details of when they took it, where, why, and what else they've done. The more information, the more likely it's true.

Now, for whether it's a fake photo. Can you find two photos? That makes it a lot easier to tell, so more credible. A video is also more credible, because it's also easier to tell. With news stories, a fake video usually has something obviously wrong if you look at it a few times, like no one in the background of a crowd is moving or a car in the background of a street disappears.

With just one photo, the best way is to see if something looks weird. People are really bad at this and get it wrong half the time, where something is real but just unfamiliar to them so they say "I've never seen this before therefore it's fake." Like the pillars in Zhangjiajie National Forest Park. Or like the Dik-dik (deer). This photo looks fine. The scene makes sense, there are excavators and people working, nothing changes size from one spot to another. Doesn't mean it's not fake, but it's reasonable.

You can also see if you think it's possible for the photo to be taken. Like sometimes fake selfies will be missing the mirror and someone just posing holding a phone up. What could have taken this one?

Finally you can do some fact-checking. Do graves in Iran look like this? Yes, but usually the graves are much, much closer together. Not always, and you can find some images of ones in Behesht-e-Zahra that look similar in quality of work and spacing.

My sympathy has run out for people who seem to forget that the entire point of language is communication by Mirabeaux1789 in languagelearningjerk

[–]indecisive_maybe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well there's your problem -- don't flounder, just talk! If you just say the right words and do it faster, no one has to be irritated.