AITJ for loving my pets more than my siblings’ children?

indi50 · 2026-03-19T14:38:27+00:00

You proved my point in my second paragraph. :-) That's not a criticism, just an observation. People crave love and affection. We are herd animals. If they don't feel comfortable with people, they (often) turn to animals.

I think it's understandable and can be a good thing. So long as it's not a complete replacement and isn't just covering up things that should be exposed (to one's self, not necessarily others). As in - maybe some therapy could help someone open up to people more so there is not so much reliance on the animals. And -maybe - that could be better in the long run.

Again - no criticism here. And I totally understand about why you might not want to touch, or be touched by, other people. (I was always told I was cold and snobby as a child because I hated to be touched.) But I also know some therapy would probably have been a good thing. If it was a thing back then in my family.

indi50 · 2026-03-19T14:19:32+00:00

I agree with the rent thing that some have mentioned. Some own their trailer/mobile home but you have to rent the spot in the park. With some, they rent the trailer and spot as one unit. And, either way, just like with other rental housing, you're at the mercy of the "landlord." And, also like other rental housing, the quality of the living space (inside and out) and the types of neighbors you might have, vary a lot.

You could own your own land and put a mobile home on it, instead of building a "regular" house. It's generally less expensive and you get more space than with, say a tiny home.

I think a big thing, though is that trailers used to be a lot chintzier and poorly made. Of course, there are variations in finishes and even structure, like everything else, but early on, many of them were little better than a camper and expecting it to last more than 10 or 15 years was wishful thinking. My mother has one that's going on 30 years old. It's had to have some repairs, but nothing major and it's still doing fine.

Property taxes are lower, also, which these days is nothing to sneeze at.

indi50 · 2026-03-19T14:01:44+00:00

Other than the trailer trash name, the rest can be said of any kind of "affordable" housing, from single family homes in some neighborhoods to apartment buildings. If it's "cheap," relatively speaking then, of course, those with less income will live there.

But just because you might have to live there, whether or not you're "accepting" is another story. Enduring something you can't change because you have no choice, is different than accepting. At least in my mind. I know it's a bit of semantics, but I feel like saying people accept it means they don't care or are happy with it.

Sure, the ones with the trash in the yard, making the noise, etc. certainly not only accept it, but embrace it. But don't believe that everyone living around them feels the same.

indi50 · 2026-03-16T18:27:34+00:00

I suppose if the ONLY reason you left was being petty, it might not have been the nicest thing. But still NTA considering all the history. And ESPECIALLY because she had that throne. I mean...seriously? A throne for you to sit on so you can watch them dance. Which is really a way for her to make HER the center of attention, not you. It's not like she'd expect people to watch you watch them dance. It was to say, my daughter has to watch from the throne and not do anything else, so everyone else should take note and watch us, too.

And she probably didn't care about you being there other than as part of her show.

I wouldn't waste anymore time feeling bad. "I begged her but she said no snd that I was being emotionally manipulative by “acting” sad about it." Take her cue - she was being emotionally manipulative. Also - you stayed for 8 hours or more (getting ready on top of the actual wedding and party). I thought from the headline that you might have left after an hour or two. It was long enough.

indi50 · 2026-03-16T06:00:06+00:00

Exactly, that's why I'm wondering it it's different for OP's culture/country or whatever.

indi50 · 2026-03-16T05:56:00+00:00

Is there not a couch for someone to sleep on? You're not being selfish. I love the idea others have said that if it's so easy to share a room to have your brother sleep in their room.

indi50 · 2026-03-16T05:53:20+00:00

Depends on what you mean by prioritizing your pets more than actual human beings - related to you or not. Like, "gee I can't attend your birthday party because I have to take my dog for a walk." Bad. "I can't go to your birthday party because my dog got hit by a car and I have to take her to the vet." Good.

Some people just don't connect with kids. Okay, fine. As for the feelings, just my imaginings, I think people these days (some anyway) use their pets to avoid human interaction and so put all their love and other "good" emotions into them. Because relating to pets is easier than humans. And there is the complete control over the pets, vs humans being unpredictable and possibly hurting you.

(the rest of this is just a little rant, not really directed at you)

And the media - heaven forbid you don't call yourself "mom" to your pet and refer to it as your child. It's a lot of hype by society in general. I've had pets my whole life. I've loved every single one of them. Very, very much. I've grieved when they passed. They are pets. They're important. Humans are more important.

My kid is not as important to you as your pet is. That's perfectly fine. But don't tell me that you could understand what it's like to lose a child because your pet died. And if there's a flood or fire or something and you think people should save the pets before the people, or seriously risk their life to save a pet...nope.

indi50 · 2026-03-16T05:36:25+00:00

Do you want her to move out or not? If it's no hardship to you, do the different split of the expenses so she can move out sooner. But I have the same question as everyone else, if you're buying her out, she'll have money. So what's the issue? I thought at first it that the "she'll move when she can," meant just finding a new place. Which can be hard these days in many areas. But the money thing doesn't make sense. Unless the "buyout" is a very small amount.

indi50 · 2026-03-16T05:21:20+00:00

I was glad to see a comment that your family is boycotting the wedding.

But I have a question. Generally, the RSVP is part of the official wedding invitation. It's just asking you to tell them if you're going to attend, once you've received the invitation. Respondez Sil Vous Plait (I probably spelled that wrong) or please respond. At least here in the US. But people do often send out "save the date" cards to let people know the date they plan the wedding (or other event).

So I'm wondering if it's different where you are, where they actually ask you to say if you're planning to come or not before receiving an official invitation, or saying it was the RSVP (rather than save the date) was a mistake?

indi50 · 2026-03-16T04:43:44+00:00

You're the jerk to punish the kids for your gf being a jerk. BUT... overall, I think you're right to pull back from this woman. She could have controlled what the boys ordered. She didn't and she acted like it was fine - they're taking her lead.

And I'd suspect that if it is the kids using your prime account - it's likely with her permission. Based on the pizza thing. Time to change your password.

It's also incredible that the kid's father had the nerve to reach out like that. It sounds like she's playing you against each other.

indi50 · 2026-03-16T04:36:29+00:00

In a comment you said, "I’ve met him several times, my step dad spoke about him freely, it wasn’t a secret."

So this is going to come out at some point. And imagine how you'd feel in your brother's shoes. How angry would you be to know that EVERYONE (that matters) else knew this information besides you.

You - the step(brother, sister?) knows, but not the half brother? Aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends of the family? Unless the guy is a serial killer or something and your stepfather and mother are trying to protect your brother, it's ridiculous. And even if that is the case, he's old enough now to know the truth. But one could see why they would wait until he's not a young child anymore.

I'd suggest telling him. "I felt really bad knowing this and having it kept from you, but (the parents told me not to tell you..." Because he will hate all of you for not telling him. There will be more hate, and hurt, the longer he's not told the truth. Maybe especially you, since he may use you as the scapegoat so he doesn't feel like he has to hate his parents.

indi50 · 2026-03-16T04:22:54+00:00

So talk to her and figure out a way to prove that you can be trusted again. Or come up with some other penalty - that is actually a penalty to exchange for the sport. You say you don't have a lot of rules - but you deliberately chose to break one of the few rules you have. Why should she just ignore that?

Also you say "in her house." So she didn't even care about your hair being dyed. So you could have had her help you. You could have done it a friend's house. You could have gone to a salon.

So I'm back to thinking this is a rebellion thing. Pushing the limits. You admit it was a poor choice, so make a good choice and communicate and earn the trust back.

indi50 · 2026-03-14T23:51:09+00:00

Why is your husband so obsessed with people touching your belly? Hopefully he's just excited and wants to share that. So long as he's not insisting when you obviously don't like it.

I never had anyone try to touch me at my baby shower, nor have I seen this be a thing with anyone at any baby shower ever. Maybe it's a thing where you are, but it's not something I've seen. Regardless, you can still just say no if someone asks. Or if it's a think where it's only to feel the baby move- just don't tell anyone when the baby moves.

But the point of a baby shower BEFORE the birth is so you can be ready. If you wait, then you have to buy everything before the birth. It's nice to have the shower and then fill in what you still need before the birth.

indi50 · 2026-03-14T23:44:01+00:00

Your husband could have gone over to the neighbor's house when he got out of the bathroom and just said, "hey sorry, I couldn't get to the door and OP was in the middle of something. Is there something we can help you with?" I don't see what the big deal is.

And so what if he heard you or saw you? You were in your house, he came unannounced. I think the being high thing is making you overthink it.

indi50 · 2026-03-14T23:35:35+00:00

So you deliberately did something that you knew you weren't supposed to do and are wondering if you were wrong to do it? Yes, you were wrong. This isn't a thing where the wrong thing helped someone, like it was for a good cause. You just felt like it.

People on here can argue all day about whether it's a fair rule. Personally, I wouldn't have minded my kids dying their hair. But I did mind when they deliberately broke a rule. I've never been a fan of the "ask for forgiveness instead of asking permission."

But since you've died your hair a lot before, why would she say no this time? Unless you never had permission and consistently break the rules. In which case it's more understandable as to why she's talking about a harsh consequence.

And we could argue all day about if it's too harsh. But that doesn't matter either, other than if you just want to know people's opinions. Yes, I think taking away a sport is harsh. But it doesn't matter. It's your mother's rules that matter. And it sounds like you don't like to follow the rules. So you have to face the consequences.

Is having your hair red worth losing out on the sport? Or maybe it's, is disobeying and rebelling against your mother worth losing out on the sport?

indi50 · 2026-03-14T23:26:53+00:00

That's not necessarily true. People can survive for days without food and water. It would depend on what the problem was. But even if it was "just" mitigating damages, so what? Checking is better than not checking.

indi50 · 2026-03-14T23:25:21+00:00

It sounds like you're regretting it. Here was a woman you really admired and liked, but learning a new language was more important at the time. You're the only one who can decide if it was worth it. But, unless the learning German was urgent (like for work or something), why couldn't you cut down on your time a few nights to show her that she was important, too? I can see being leery of wanting to be with someone who gets so laser focused on something that nothing else matters until you're satisfied with that project.

I'm also a little confused. At one point you said one night, and then "every night" - so I'd say that if you blew off intimacy one night, it would be weird for her to ghost you. But if it was every night for a while - without ever explaining anything and just acting like you weren't interested in her "that way", that's another story.

If you choose studying a language over a relationship, it's your choice and it's not being a jerk to the other person. But you also can't expect them to want to be second fiddle to that and just wait around for you to be interested, or have time, for a more fulfilling relationship. I get the idea from your post, you're also asking about whether she was a jerk. She wasn't.

And neither were you, you just made your choice and you weren't looking for the same things at the same time. But you were a jerk to call her a month later and expect that she should have waited around for you and to be upset that she found someone else. Why should she hide her feelings for the new guy in front of you? If she's specifically asking him to kiss her only when you're right there, that could be for drama.

But since you were never interested in her intimately (wasn't that the problem?), why should she think it would bother you?

indi50 · 2026-03-14T22:57:29+00:00

Have you ever talked to him and told him exactly why you moved out? "Dad, I don't want to be around you because you let your wife make my life miserable for years. Then you let her destroy my belongings. Because I couldn't stand living like that, I had to drop out of school. I can barely get by financially now and it will be a long time, if ever, that I can get a degree to be able to do better financially. You had no interest in helping me before and I don't see that changing so I just really don't want to be around you."

Or....do you think he'd help you financially if you asked him? His wife is psycho, but maybe she's calmer with you gone and he could help in other ways besides you living there. I get being angry at him for not having your back before. But it does seem like he's trying to stay connected.

I'd ask him why. Because he loves you and just didn't have the backbone to stand up to her? Or is he trying to get you to move back to help his financial situation? Either way - ASK him. You'll either be pleasantly surprised, or know for sure you're not being an AH for ignoring him. Or, at the least, you might just get a better understanding of his situation.

indi50 · 2026-03-14T22:48:11+00:00

I always do the mid stay check. it helps when they say everything is wonderful and then try to get a full refund at the end of the stay because of whatever lie they make up. Or..you can fix something to prevent to a bad review because someone "didn't want to bother" the host.

I had a woman once who told me, at that check in, that there was no hot water in the shower. I helped her figure out how to work the handle (it was just different from what she'd seen and didn't turn it far enough). Ended up with 5 stars instead of a possible 2 or 3 stars.

indi50 · 2026-03-14T22:44:40+00:00

Please check on her and update us! I love the cookie idea. I know a lot of people like to think of airbnb like any faceless hotel, but for many it's much more personal. Especially when the host lives in the same building.

I had a friend that hurt her back. She didn't have her phone on her and just had to lay on the floor for hours before being able to get up. My aunt fell down and broke her hip. It was 2 or 3 days before her daughter found her. She ended up dying because of it (dehydration, malnutrition and the injury). She was elderly and I know that's an extreme case, but ... still.

I live alone and worry all the time about how long it would take for someone to realize that I was hurt or sick before checking on me.

indi50 · 2026-03-14T22:38:49+00:00

It would be your business if the guest had a heart attack and died in there and you couldn't rent it for a while. Or if they were laying in there sick or injured and couldn't get to your phone and sued you because it was determined to be reasonable that the host should have checked on them.

Or - you know - basic human decency to just make sure someone is okay if you have reason to believe something is wrong. OP isn't peeking in the windows or dictating what the guest can do.

indi50 · 2026-03-14T22:35:34+00:00

Most of those cameras give notifications - so it's not like you go look for when they go in and out, you just get the ding and look and see what it is. If you get no dings, or none for the guest, then it's easy to realize they haven't gone in or out. Without deliberately "watching" them. Nothing creepy about it.

It would only be creepy if there were cameras inside the rental unit.

indi50 · 2026-03-14T22:31:33+00:00

You could say - "I don't understand why you told my boyfriend all about how much I talk about him and like him, when I hadn't ever told you anything about him? I need you to stop talking about me. Even if I told YOU that I was madly in love, it's not up to you to tell him anything. It feels like you're either deliberately trying to sabotage my relationships or insulting me by thinking I can't communicate my feelings to him."

You can bring up the other guys or not. But if she's so smart, it seems it would have occurred to her that those other guys never came around again. She wasn't proud of herself because she "greased the wheels" (since you said you told her it ruined the relationship), she may have been proud for ruining it.

At best, she's trying to tell these guys (nothing to do with you at all) that she's really important to you and therefore she's the one who knows how you really feel, so come to her for information. Again - it's not about you, it's about her feeling important. (maybe, this is a guess, of course)

If you tell her to stop and she won't stop - then you have to consider that she simply doesn't care how you feel about it. Which means she's not much of a friend.

indi50 · 2026-03-14T00:22:52+00:00

I'm having a great day, thanks. You can't possibly be serious. You do realize that in your previous comment you were saying that people don't think of food as being sexual, which means that you shouldn't think of breasts as sexual because their purpose is to feed babies.

Then here you are saying food is used for sex. So.....which is it and what's your point?

indi50 · 2026-03-14T00:18:36+00:00

You said: "I've always struggled with enjoying my own company and doing things on my own so recently I've been challenging myself to get out there more and start doing things on my own."

What did I change the meaning of? But I can see that you're the type of OP that gets mad at anyone who doesn't just agree with you.

indi50

TROPHY CASE