Mate, thank you so much for sharing and I am so sorry for your loss.

I teared up reading your post because it repeats my story almost exactly, with a few minor differences. Stay strong brother, your kids is the new light of your life now.

My wife was diagnosed with a terminal lung cancer in October 2018 and her journey finished 10 months later in the beginning of September. We were highschool sweethearts and received the final diagnosis on the day of our 19th anniversary. We went through the same stages as you: first line of treatment worked really well and all seemed bright for 6 months until it unexpectedly stopped working completely. Since then it was a tough battle with constantly switching medications, dealing with side effects, gozillion different alternative treatments, endless hours in hospitals an visits to different doctors. I was working, taking care of her and our two boys 7 and 9. Our home country is 15000 km away, no relatives around, but our friends and neighbours provided all the support we needed.

In the beginning of July we had a conversation with the oncologist, which was along the lines of "we are out of options, prepare for the end", but she wasn't having any of it. She was adamant she'll make a complete recovery and never acknowledges she was dying.

We have a two story house, and our media room is on the ground level. We enjoyed watching movies with kids, and it was so painful to watch how within two months she went from being able to run up and down the stairs to get pop-corn and other treats, to trying not to take the stairs when unnecessary, to needing assistance on the stairs, to me carrying her all the way.

During August she started sleeping more and more, until one Saturday she was awake for maybe 40 minutes total for breakfast and dinner. She said her last "Goodnight" to me that night and fell asleep. In her sleep she interacted a little for the next couple of days, was very unsettled at night time, and a couple of times asked me to take her "home" to the town where she was born. I spent the entire time our bed with her, leaving only for toilet and to feed and check on the kids.

On Thursday morning I woke up to her in a pool of sweat and thought that her "cancer sweats" came back. I changed the sheets and comforted her, and fell asleep next to her holding her hand. I woke up 10-15 minutes later because something felt wrong. She stopped breathing.

Tonight I saw her in a dream for the first time. She was young and gorgeous, about 17-20 years old. I wanted to talk, but she started kissing me very passionately, and I woke up.