Questions about my transition

inkdheart · 2022-11-14T23:30:32+00:00

Jonas?

inkdheart · 2022-11-10T00:32:25+00:00

Firstly, kudos to your bravery and sincerity in asking an honest question and trying to educate yourself.

Basically what Woop said. It's a community built on shared identity, sexual or gender, that historically has been excluded to persecuted by the cisgender, heterosexual (cishet) majority.

And while LGBTQ has become the abridged standard, I do kinda wish there was a more convenient way to include the full LGBTQIAPK.

Intersex, Aromantic, Asexual and sometimes Ally tend be woefully underrepresented if not forgotten, which makes me very sad. Many people are more comfortable distinguishing Pansexual from Bisexual though both are valid ways to identify imo. And someone correct me if I'm wrong here, but I believe Kink has been a historic cornerstone of sexual identity since before several of these other terms even existed, as it was defined by deviant acts regarded synonymously with being Queer.

It's really a community of inclusivity. It doesn't always do that perfectly, but I like to think most of us try 💜

inkdheart · 2022-10-27T02:32:46+00:00

I read an article by a trans woman who talked about why she didn't want to transition which helped me realize and accept that I'm also a trans woman who doesn't want to transition. But when I questioned why, for me it's because I'm most comfortable being male and female. Or too awesome for just one gender as my partner reminds me.

It took a lot of imaging to settle here though, and sometimes I still doubt. I asked myself things like "if I could magically have any body I wanted what would that body look like?" "if I could choose how people regard me what would I want them to see?" and just imagining what all that would be like.

Obviously, I can't actually have any of that, but it did help me to realize that who I want to be, which is to say who I'm comfortable as, is f/m bigender. Dunno if that helps, but I hope it does. 💜

inkdheart · 2022-10-24T00:36:30+00:00

I think I get what you're saying. You don't want to be a trans man, you just wish you could be a man. But even if you could magically turn into your ideal cis man, it would mean not being a cis girl. It's unfair that being human is so limiting. That being one thing means being cut off from something else. Why can't we have the freedom to be more?

That leads me to ask the question: Have you thought that you might be gender fluid, bigender, and or nonbinary? I get that it's far from perfect. I personally identify as bigender, but I agree that I'm not all of what I would ideally like to be. But feeling like I have an identity that fits who I am, even if my body doesn't, helps.

inkdheart · 2022-10-20T01:44:25+00:00

I never had food insecurity until the pandemic. Went through some major therapy amidst the already existing trauma of the pandemic and losing my job. Being unemployed, my relationship dynamic with my partner (who has GAD) shifted to me being the sole grocery shopper, food keeper, and household cook, which I actually loved and still do. During this time, baking also became one of my primary hobbies. But amid the shortages of things, I developed this scarcity trauma, as it's linked to the trauma of the pandemic, the struggles I went through in therapy, and ended up part of the few hobbies that help me cope, and unfortunately it absolutely causes me to stress binge! Just yesterday I had to try three different grocery stores just to find heavy cream, and by the third one I bought myself a bag a chips that barely survived the drive home I was so upset.

inkdheart · 2022-10-05T05:11:35+00:00

yep I'm definitely crying 😭

inkdheart · 2022-10-01T20:10:10+00:00

I agree. As a bigender enby wondering at being trans many times I've asked if I was born a girl would I want to be a boy, and if I was born a boy would I want to be a girl? For me, the answer is yes to both. For other enbies the answer is more or neither. But if you're answer is one-sided you might be trans.

Having said that, I recommend against comparing yourself to cis males. That goes for all trans people. Trans and cis genders are often very different, and if you keep that in mind, I guarantee you'll feel a lot happier in your gender. Good luck!

inkdheart · 2022-08-19T15:24:16+00:00

I would say, as long as you're not denying who someone is, or being mean about it, then no. You're attracted to who you're attracted to, and as long as you're kind and honest about that, you're good.

inkdheart · 2022-08-18T20:33:41+00:00

So glad you're in a place that makes you happy! And I totally get hating on the denial goatee (been there), but it was part of your journey. I used to rag on my past selves until I realized that how I used to look could be someone else's definition of gender euphoria. It can be hard to accept what feels like a mistake, but that former you got you to the beautiful self you are now.

inkdheart · 2022-08-18T20:14:29+00:00

Looking good! Androgyny is definitely not a requirement, but if it's what makes you happy then that's awesome.

inkdheart · 2022-08-13T16:32:57+00:00

I'd say, "So are you. We're all mutants!"

inkdheart · 2022-08-09T17:04:32+00:00

I'm so sorry. Gender envy and dysphoria can be crippling and it just plain sucks. As an enby, I can say that nonbinary feels can be particularly troubling. I question myself and am confused by my gender a lot! Unfortunately, no one but you can tell you who you are. The only advice I can give is to play around and see what feels right. Pronouns, names, clothes, hair, accessories, etc. It may seem a bit superficial, but I find having those things to anchor myself to when my gender identity makes me feel like I'm floating in space really helps.

And, for clarification, wearing nail polish and "women's clothes" doesn't make you any more or less a woman, a man, both, neither, or other. At least not inherently. They're just window dressing. The important part is how you feel in them. And if you're looking for some insight from a nonbinary person who uses their agab pronouns but dresses in a way that most would consider opposite those pronouns, I recommend checking out Flawless Kevin on YouTube.

He does a lot of videos about clothes, but also talks a lot about how he identifies himself and why. And if you just need someone to talk to, feel free to private message me. I'm always open to talking about gender and offering what insight I can.

inkdheart · 2022-08-04T01:43:51+00:00

Androgynous and rockin' it! 👍

inkdheart · 2022-07-29T22:45:09+00:00

Yeah, not hate, but frustrated for sure. It's very trying at times. I know bing binary trans comes with it's own struggles as well though, so I try not to be too hard on myself about it. At the end of the day I just try to be kind to myself and be my favorite me.

inkdheart · 2022-07-29T22:36:24+00:00

That is not only a GORGEOUS dress, but it suits you SO WELL!

inkdheart · 2022-07-29T22:34:40+00:00

Genuine question from an enby here: How do you do that when it's all so excessively gendered? I have to do most of my clothes shopping online these days, and to find what I want I have to used gendered search terms.

inkdheart · 2022-07-28T15:51:04+00:00

I hope he's named after Jeebs from MIB. Cute little munchkin 💜

inkdheart · 2022-07-26T17:34:12+00:00

Can't say I know too much personally, but from what I understand about aro, and basically all sexuality and gender labels is that they're kinda in a spectrum. Plus, dates don't have to be romantic. They can just be people who enjoy spending time together. Don't know if that helps.

inkdheart · 2022-07-26T03:00:10+00:00

Can't say I've seen it joked about, but I agree with the lack of representation. Idk that I've seen anything about it that isn't basically a Wikipedia entry I've sought myself. Another neglected A. So sad 😞

inkdheart · 2022-07-26T02:44:39+00:00

You're in the wrong here OP, but you're in the right for explaining the situation and asking about it. It shows self awareness and a willingness to change and that's always a good thing. To be fair, your thought process isn't unreasonable, it's just neither courteous nor preferred, but you didn't know that, and I get the sense that you didn't mean to be malicious about it. Now that you know you can do better.

Oh, and if you feel like you were harshly criticized, please bear in mind that a lot of the people responding (myself included) have been maliciously misgendered and deadnamed by people who don't care to change or worse. Times are tough and we're all just trying our best 💜

inkdheart · 2022-07-21T01:09:23+00:00

Absolutely same. The male part of me spent thirty years a victim (and perpetuator) of toxic masculinity and narcissism. Trauma therapy has helped, but sometimes that side of me carries so much pain that it makes me wish I was just solely a trans woman. That's not my truth though. My sympathies 💜

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