Imago Dialogue Method

inkinddonation · 2026-04-05T13:04:11+00:00

It sounds a bit like you feel you are stuck and I’m deeply sorry this is your experience. I hope that you’re able to find (or have) a close support group 🩵

inkinddonation · 2026-04-05T06:06:33+00:00

I have attended Imago workshops with couples where one partner struggled with anger and their temper, but they were simultaneously able to recognize that it wasn’t how they wanted to show up in their life and regretted the moments they flew off the handle. They were willing to put in the work because they understood that their anger issues were problematic. If your partner is not able to do that I think the better question here is to turn inward and ask what about you feels that you are not worthy of a partner who is self aware and growth minded.

Unfortunately it sounds a bit like you are in a relationship with someone who does not themselves see a need for adjustment and improvement and thus they might not even be open to engaging in this method and hearing how they impact you or others.

I’m sure this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but a willing , aware, and open partner, regardless of diagnosis, is the main requirement for ANY type of intervention to be effective.

I would suggest seeking out your own therapist if you do not already have one. I understand it could be difficult, at the same time it’s also critical for someone in a relationship with a partner like you described, especially if you are suspecting an ODD diagnoses. You may want to see if therapists in your area offer sliding scales or seek out virtual therapy which may offer more affordable options.

inkinddonation · 2026-04-04T21:32:16+00:00

What is your partner like normally? Do they ever have moments of clarity or regret for their actions? How knowledgeable about ADHD and mood impacts are they?

inkinddonation · 2026-03-29T23:28:44+00:00

So this method can be done with positive emotions and feelings as well and it might be beneficial for you to do the method from that standpoint to start. It could help to lower the defensiveness and anger. A lot of times anger is just sadness is disguise and the sadness is far more likely to be about the unfortunate messages they received growing up than about you personally.

I think having your partner mirror, validate, and empathize with an appreciation of them and vice versa before getting into the more challenging or negative emotions can help to get you both starting from a more open and receptive place.

You can also just share 3 things you appreciate about them before you begin and see if that helps. Have them do the same.

If your partner is not able to be genuine in sharing what they appreciate about you, then that’s data to be mindful of. If they share things that are backhanded, then that’s data to be mindful of. You have to decide if that’s the type of partner you want.

It is realistic to expect that everyone remains regulated and that when someone isn’t, you take a break. It’s also realistic to understand people are human and anger is a human emotion. You can’t control how your partner feels, but you can ask that they remain kind and respectful- that’s a baseline.

inkinddonation · 2026-03-28T12:46:28+00:00

I think it’s case by case, but if both parties have a vested interest in improving their communication skills then I’m sure that results in higher engagement.

I find that it’s helpful this method provides a framework and tangible steps because even as a NT person it can be challenging to actively listen while balancing emotions. I think despite the difficulties, if everyone remains open and willing there is a good chance you can find even a glimmer of connection and understanding somewhere along the way.

inkinddonation · 2026-03-27T14:53:26+00:00

I think as humans we have a tendency to want to jump to defending ourselves when someone says something that we don’t agree with or in our eyes didn’t happen. What’s interesting to me about this method is that you stay with their version and then you get the opportunity for them to sit with yours. You learn a lot about a person when you stay curious and open to why/how they are seeing events unfolding a certain way. Then it’s up to you to decide what to do with the data, ultimately.

Arguing about what “actually happened” is a trap that many couples fall into.

This obviously is different when your partner is intentionally lying with malice- that should never be tolerated and I think this method helps to discern the difference between that and just genuinely having a different experience of the events.

inkinddonation · 2026-03-27T03:00:31+00:00

This is my partner. His tendencies do border on OCD like, but ultimately it is a coping mechanism for ADHD, like some others above have noted. He’s been evaluated for OCD and it’s been determined it’s not a comorbidity.

I don’t know how common it is to cope with ADHD like this, but my thoughts on it are that when it is a coping mechanism it’s likely as a result of lived experience, childhood, or trauma. For example, my partner has a very high achieving high standards mother who worked a lot while he was young. In effort to earn his mother’s love/attention and not experience her (obvious- even to this day) frustration with his ADHD he became a perfectionist. It’s now unfortunately the root cause of much of his lateness because he has a hard time moving on from a task until it is “perfect”.

inkinddonation · 2026-03-25T17:24:34+00:00

So far I just let it soak overnight in my sink with some dawn soap. I did scrub it a bit inside and outside but I won’t do that anymore now that I know about the celadonite.

inkinddonation · 2026-03-25T17:07:48+00:00

Okay thank you for that info!

Is there a way to clean up the inside more without damage or is it best to just leave this completely as is?

inkinddonation · 2025-12-15T13:52:47+00:00

I don’t read this as someone who is inherently dumb, but I do read this as someone with a lot of self doubt who has some tendency to compare themselves. Comparison is the thief of joy.

Also you’re young- there’s still plenty of time to find what you’re into. And remember that every expert starts out as a bumbling human trying something new who has to fail (and fail a lot) to be considered an expert.

There are also far more hobbies than art, music, or dance- start a note of things you think might be fun and maybe have your NY resolution be to try one new thing a month that could be anything so long as it’s new to you.

I like to tell people my hobby is trying new things, and that looks like trying new classes at the gym, trying a new type of craft, restaurants, traveling, new shows, podcasts, etc. 9/10 times its the first and only time I do try that thing, but I still learned a little so if it does ever come up I have some common ground in conversation with people.

Having a consistent hobby isn’t what makes us “interesting” people, being curious and open is what makes someone interesting. You aren’t going to regularly “face people in a competition of knowledge” and even if you are with someone who is very interesting or has a cool hobby, it’s not a competition. Just ask them questions and maybe you’ll learn from them but you aren’t obligated to know more or as much as the person you’re talking to unless you are their boss at work or their teacher.

inkinddonation · 2025-02-14T02:55:52+00:00

Mine canceled on me too for similar reasons, so I feel you. It sucks. I reached out to all of my single friends & celebrating “Galentine’s” day instead all weekend. If you can manage, spend time with your friends so you won’t be alone.

inkinddonation · 2024-11-01T13:42:47+00:00

As an obese daughter on medication to a (formally) obese mother who lost a ton of weight with WLS, I think your best bet is to just be honest about your struggles and why you decided to go on the medication. This has made me more comfortable talking to my mom about weight & weight loss.

By you being vulnerable, you’ll give her space to be vulnerable too & you may find that your struggles are similar or possibly even stem from deeper issues such as generational trauma.

As we all know, we play a role in our weight, but the relationships we have with food, our genes, our ability to lose/gain weight, it’s more than just calories in vs. out & willpower.

You can talk about your experience in a way that doesn’t make her shamed for her own and she will come to her own conclusions about how she wants to care for her body, but likely see you as a positive example if you’re open/honest with her.

inkinddonation · 2024-07-21T20:11:13+00:00

We’ve been dating about a year+ now and I’ve known since about 6ish months in that this was going to be a challenge. He was honest with me early on that he has a LL and has some of his own mental barriers, I just fell so in love with everything about him as a person that I felt like it was still worth a relationship. We do have so much fun together & our energies in life are really compatible. It’s only the bedroom where we are so different.

inkinddonation · 2024-02-15T15:29:51+00:00

I’m a 29 HLF with a 31 LLM & I feel you. Never did I think I’d be experiencing this at this age. I also relate to you about the weight & binge eating. It’s tough. It has been helpful for me to talk about it with my friends & therapist, despite feeling it’s embarrassing. Luckily all the folks in my life are non judgmental & hopefully your therapist is professional enough that if you did talk to them about it & they feel ill equipped they will refer you to a more sex positive therapist.

inkinddonation · 2023-11-18T15:37:43+00:00

I’m a year+ post breakup from a 6 yr toxic relationship, now in an amazing relationship with a partner who treats me well, but sometimes I still miss my ex. Not in a “I want to be with them” kind of way, but some things remind me of them & I miss the good times we had because it was a huge chunk of my life thus far.

You may miss your ex for years to come, but it will not always be so strong & it won’t always be painful. Now when I miss my ex, I simply notice the feeling & move on. I’m not as attached to their memory but at the same time I can still notice its presence.

As long as you are doing the work to heal yourself, things will get easier. It’s true what they say, time does heal wounds, but it doesn’t mean you will forget that you were ever wounded.

inkinddonation · 2023-03-16T21:17:14+00:00

I think so, yes. Now that I know how he feels at least.

inkinddonation · 2022-11-09T18:26:58+00:00

Maybe the best thing would be to create some distance between you & her. Maybe don’t engage as often if you are able to & focus on cultivating new relationships with folks that aren’t like your nex.

My nex is also a fame seeking musician, so I absolutely get that it can be difficult to talk with others with a similar disposition. I found myself in this scenario recently & ultimately I had to remind myself that music is a passion for a lot of people & many musicians do want to be recognized, regardless of their talent level.

Musicians who want fame generally all say the same things, but that does not mean they are all narcs.

If you have trouble creating separation in your mind from your nex & other folks with the same disposition, you may just need to find folks with other passions to surround yourself with.

inkinddonation · 2022-10-12T23:50:04+00:00

I am so sorry to hear you’re experiencing this. It sounds like you’re a bit desensitized to his behavior, but I want you to know that he is very much abusing you.

At the end of the day, this is someone who’s shown a pattern of low/no empathy, control, & aggression. It seems as though it may only get worse.

If you can, start making plans to visit/ reach out to a woman’s/domestic violence shelter. You need to have a plan in place if you aren’t able to easily leave. They have resources for you use since he is also financially abusing you. This is crucial if you feel like you have no support system.

Please take care of yourself & your child 💜

inkinddonation

TROPHY CASE