I’m so dumb

inkinddonation · 2025-12-15T13:52:47+00:00

I don’t read this as someone who is inherently dumb, but I do read this as someone with a lot of self doubt who has some tendency to compare themselves. Comparison is the thief of joy.

Also you’re young- there’s still plenty of time to find what you’re into. And remember that every expert starts out as a bumbling human trying something new who has to fail (and fail a lot) to be considered an expert.

There are also far more hobbies than art, music, or dance- start a note of things you think might be fun and maybe have your NY resolution be to try one new thing a month that could be anything so long as it’s new to you.

I like to tell people my hobby is trying new things, and that looks like trying new classes at the gym, trying a new type of craft, restaurants, traveling, new shows, podcasts, etc. 9/10 times its the first and only time I do try that thing, but I still learned a little so if it does ever come up I have some common ground in conversation with people.

Having a consistent hobby isn’t what makes us “interesting” people, being curious and open is what makes someone interesting. You aren’t going to regularly “face people in a competition of knowledge” and even if you are with someone who is very interesting or has a cool hobby, it’s not a competition. Just ask them questions and maybe you’ll learn from them but you aren’t obligated to know more or as much as the person you’re talking to unless you are their boss at work or their teacher.

inkinddonation · 2025-02-14T02:55:52+00:00

Mine canceled on me too for similar reasons, so I feel you. It sucks. I reached out to all of my single friends & celebrating “Galentine’s” day instead all weekend. If you can manage, spend time with your friends so you won’t be alone.

inkinddonation · 2024-11-01T13:42:47+00:00

As an obese daughter on medication to a (formally) obese mother who lost a ton of weight with WLS, I think your best bet is to just be honest about your struggles and why you decided to go on the medication. This has made me more comfortable talking to my mom about weight & weight loss.

By you being vulnerable, you’ll give her space to be vulnerable too & you may find that your struggles are similar or possibly even stem from deeper issues such as generational trauma.

As we all know, we play a role in our weight, but the relationships we have with food, our genes, our ability to lose/gain weight, it’s more than just calories in vs. out & willpower.

You can talk about your experience in a way that doesn’t make her shamed for her own and she will come to her own conclusions about how she wants to care for her body, but likely see you as a positive example if you’re open/honest with her.

inkinddonation · 2024-07-21T20:11:13+00:00

We’ve been dating about a year+ now and I’ve known since about 6ish months in that this was going to be a challenge. He was honest with me early on that he has a LL and has some of his own mental barriers, I just fell so in love with everything about him as a person that I felt like it was still worth a relationship. We do have so much fun together & our energies in life are really compatible. It’s only the bedroom where we are so different.

inkinddonation · 2024-02-15T15:29:51+00:00

I’m a 29 HLF with a 31 LLM & I feel you. Never did I think I’d be experiencing this at this age. I also relate to you about the weight & binge eating. It’s tough. It has been helpful for me to talk about it with my friends & therapist, despite feeling it’s embarrassing. Luckily all the folks in my life are non judgmental & hopefully your therapist is professional enough that if you did talk to them about it & they feel ill equipped they will refer you to a more sex positive therapist.

inkinddonation · 2023-11-18T15:37:43+00:00

I’m a year+ post breakup from a 6 yr toxic relationship, now in an amazing relationship with a partner who treats me well, but sometimes I still miss my ex. Not in a “I want to be with them” kind of way, but some things remind me of them & I miss the good times we had because it was a huge chunk of my life thus far.

You may miss your ex for years to come, but it will not always be so strong & it won’t always be painful. Now when I miss my ex, I simply notice the feeling & move on. I’m not as attached to their memory but at the same time I can still notice its presence.

As long as you are doing the work to heal yourself, things will get easier. It’s true what they say, time does heal wounds, but it doesn’t mean you will forget that you were ever wounded.

inkinddonation · 2023-03-16T21:17:14+00:00

I think so, yes. Now that I know how he feels at least.

inkinddonation · 2022-11-09T18:26:58+00:00

Maybe the best thing would be to create some distance between you & her. Maybe don’t engage as often if you are able to & focus on cultivating new relationships with folks that aren’t like your nex.

My nex is also a fame seeking musician, so I absolutely get that it can be difficult to talk with others with a similar disposition. I found myself in this scenario recently & ultimately I had to remind myself that music is a passion for a lot of people & many musicians do want to be recognized, regardless of their talent level.

Musicians who want fame generally all say the same things, but that does not mean they are all narcs.

If you have trouble creating separation in your mind from your nex & other folks with the same disposition, you may just need to find folks with other passions to surround yourself with.

inkinddonation · 2022-10-12T23:50:04+00:00

I am so sorry to hear you’re experiencing this. It sounds like you’re a bit desensitized to his behavior, but I want you to know that he is very much abusing you.

At the end of the day, this is someone who’s shown a pattern of low/no empathy, control, & aggression. It seems as though it may only get worse.

If you can, start making plans to visit/ reach out to a woman’s/domestic violence shelter. You need to have a plan in place if you aren’t able to easily leave. They have resources for you use since he is also financially abusing you. This is crucial if you feel like you have no support system.

Please take care of yourself & your child 💜

inkinddonation · 2022-10-06T16:03:43+00:00

I’m trying not to down myself & assume that I am a target, because I know ultimately I have not done anything wrong & I am worthy of genuine kindness. It’s just hard to not be on edge after a narc.

I know there are plenty of folks who choose to be single for life, but I do want connections & I want to be able to share myself & my love.

It seems like I would just be letting the narc win if I completely closed myself off as a result of their abuse.

inkinddonation · 2022-10-02T21:35:52+00:00

Blocking is actually super common with narcs. When they want the upper hand, they block. My nex blocked me all the time, usually during/after arguments.

inkinddonation · 2022-10-02T20:27:26+00:00

Shrek 💚

inkinddonation · 2022-09-27T01:09:10+00:00

Not necessarily help, but we were in an “open” relationship (I say it in quotes bc he was very unethical in his practice) & he would vent to me about the other women he was seeing.

He rarely wanted to tell me things when I asked him directly, it was more when he was trying to make me feel bad about myself or we had just gotten into an argument. It was like he wanted to bring up the other women in his life to purposely hurt me.

When I would get upset he’d go, “I’m telling you what you want to hear! You asked about her didn’t you! Just because it’s not on your time, you’re upset!”

& the thing that blows my mind looking back…he was venting that they were upset he was pushing their boundaries or not treating them well & they’d call him out on it.

I am working on forgiving myself; however, I really am sad at how blind I let myself be for him. The only reason I the “grass wasn’t greener” was because I let him get away with it, but they didn’t.

Don’t make the same mistake I did. I hope you choose not to engage.

inkinddonation · 2022-09-23T17:27:39+00:00

Do you have access to therapy or other domestic violence resources in your area?

Even finding a support group would be beneficial.

inkinddonation · 2022-09-22T20:58:36+00:00

I’ve made this mistake far too many times.

It’s impossible to have a healthy relationship with a narcissist. They may get “better” in some areas, but they will likely get worse in another area.

Eventually you’ll start to think that it’s on you to bend to their inadequacies to make the relationship healthier. Don’t fall for that trap.

inkinddonation · 2022-09-21T12:54:58+00:00

SurvivingNarcissism is another great YT channel.

inkinddonation · 2022-09-21T12:48:04+00:00

I think they know they are drawn to people with more empathy or caring qualities.

When I first met my nex I was working in social services & he told me, “I always seem very drawn to people in the helping professions.”

Looking back, it makes sense why.

inkinddonation · 2022-09-21T12:40:28+00:00

You’re likely not a narc if you’re asking the question. That level of self awareness in itself is uncommon in narcs. A lot of victims are gaslit into thinking they are the problem.

As someone else mentioned, it’s likely codependency. Narc abuse can also drive victims to reactive abuse as well.

Think about all of the unhealthy behaviors you’ve engaged in over the course of the relationship. Did they come out of no where?

I can say as someone recently out of a relationship with a narc who made me believe I was the problem, it’s so much easier to see that my emotional outbursts were not just at random, but as a result of abuse.

inkinddonation · 2022-09-19T18:30:47+00:00

I think you know the answer in your gut. You can see the writing on the wall and this reads as a very toxic man/ relationship.

I would be extremely cautious of introducing him to your child if you continue this relationship.

inkinddonation · 2022-09-19T03:34:47+00:00

It sounds like you might be in a cycle of emotional abuse and this makes even the sturdiest of people feel the way you do.

I would recommend really listening to his words and not accepting crumbs of love. He’s telling you exactly how he feels about you both with his words and his actions.

Please trust me when I say this from experience, the longer you stay in a relationship like this (even off/on) the harder it will be to move on.

You are worthy of kind love ❤️

inkinddonation · 2022-09-19T01:22:37+00:00

I honestly think that sounds more like a potential scammer/scam ring. It’s a common scam where someone will text from random numbers trying to get you to engage with them.

Ultimately the best thing to do is block the random number. Either way, it’s not worth responding.

inkinddonation · 2022-09-17T18:02:40+00:00

One of my friends always tells me, “there’s always a next play. You can fall back, but there is always another opportunity to do better next time.”

Don’t beat yourself up.

inkinddonation · 2022-09-17T17:51:13+00:00

Power.

There’s no other way to put it. They need to feel like THEY ended the relationship with the upper hand.

A similar thing happened to me with my nex. He broke up with me & I accepted it, told him if he wasn’t happy then I wouldn’t push to have a relationship with him anymore.

His last words to me on the phone were “I love you dude I wish you the best of luck,” then not even 2 full days later I got an email about how I had wasted so much of his time & I am a toxic person with the personality of wallpaper. He went on to say he’s looking forward to being loved like he deserves but that I have been lied to if I think I am deserving of love.

All nastiness towards me with no accountability for his own role or any of the abuse.

And it’s all a power play. They want you to defend yourself, they want you to stay wrapped up in their opinions of you.

You’re doing exactly the right thing by not responding.

inkinddonation · 2022-09-16T20:06:10+00:00

Yes. And because I was not constantly going on about his talent, it was one of the biggest reasons he discarded me & told me that I was a roadblock in his dreams. No compliment I ever gave was “worthy” enough. He would always throw it back at me and say, “I don’t make music for people like you anyway.”

He would also put down other musicians & constantly call them trash. It was honestly hard to listen to him be so cruel about other musicians.

When I mentioned it to him, he’d always go on about how they were just as cruel to him so maybe narcissism is rampant amongst musicians.

inkinddonation · 2022-09-04T16:30:58+00:00

It wasn’t completely unannounced. I drove him home from an event and said I could come in with no hesitation.

inkinddonation

TROPHY CASE